


Let Me Touch You Where Your Heart Aches

by rosegoldhl (Rosegoldhl)



Series: Temporary Fix [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Friends With Benefits, Happy Ending, Jealous Harry, M/M, Pining Louis, Smut, So much smut, boys who don't talk about their feelings, cliché Karaoke scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-13
Updated: 2017-09-13
Packaged: 2018-12-29 02:19:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 46,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12072549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rosegoldhl/pseuds/rosegoldhl
Summary: Alcohol was all he could taste. Alcohol and Harry, and he didn’t mind one bit. Harry kissed him back with just as much fervent heat. He pushed Louis against the taxi door and pulled his head back, breathing hot and heavy against his lips.“Let’s go, yes?”Or a Friends with Benefits AU, in which Louis falls in love and Harry is jealous. There is some Karaoke singing somewhere in there, because how do you write a romantic comedy without a Karaoke scene?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Italiano available: [Let Me Touch You Where Your Heart Aches](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12427176) by [always_strong28](https://archiveofourown.org/users/always_strong28/pseuds/always_strong28)



> This was inspired by the song Temporary Fix and it's part of the [Made In The AM collection](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/mitam/works). 
> 
> I want to thank my wonderful beta, [Lena](https://roseandbee.tumblr.com), who has been nothing but patient and supportive all this time. Not only she helped me with this monster of a fic, but I also gained a very wonderful friend. 
> 
> I also want to thank my brit-picker, [Chelle](https://aslowmotionaccident.tumblr.com/). She has been amazing and she has helped my non-British ass -or should I say arse?- to see the light. Thanks for all the help in editing, too. You have been wonderful. 
> 
> Last but not least, I want to thank all my friends for bearing with me and listening to me whining about this fic. I love y'all. 
> 
> You can follow a [Spotify Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/moonlitlarrie/playlist/0iTpEuJsjAheTf8yMZ4MSV/) for this fic. 
> 
> Enjoy.

Louis felt the bass inside his chest, even though he wasn't part of the crowd, dancing -or better say grinding against each other- on the dance floor.

He was sipping the first of many drinks he was planning to have throughout the night, courtesy of Harry. The birthday boy was standing in a corner, barely visible from where Louis and the rest of the boys were sitting, fluttering his eyelashes prettily and ruffling his hair for the man standing in front of him. Louis was glad that he could get drunk on free alcohol and that he wasn't the unlucky one to be the designated driver. Poor Liam, who was sitting on his right, was sipping on the one and only beer he was allowed to drink and observing the people actually having fun. 

“Where is Niall?” Louis asked, standing up a bit to look for his friend, who apparently had gone to the bar to bring them shots. Alcohol, that's what Louis needed. 

He’d had a shitty week at work; his boss had a problem with every single idea Louis had for their next issue of the magazine, he snapped at him at least three times, and one of those times he had literally screamed in his face. On top of that, the boiler at home broke down, and the landlord refused to fix it. According to him, it was Louis who did something to it, so Louis had been reduced to quick cold showers in the middle of winter for three days now. He needed more than a couple of strong drinks. 

“Will you calm down for a second? He's coming. Have you seen the queue at the bar?” Liam said, pulling Louis to sit down by the waistband of his jeans. “Can’t you have some patience?” 

“No.” 

Louis searched for Harry in the spot where he saw him standing seconds ago, but there was a girl in his place, making out with a guy. Well, more like they were eating each other’s faces. Louis scanned the dancing mass of people quickly, knowing he would spot Harry right away thanks to his bright blue Hawaiian shirt -really, Harry?- and his flailing arms as he danced all tipsy and flirty. He wasn't wrong. Harry was in the middle of the dance floor, dancing with a big group of people, but Louis zeroed in on the sole pair of hands on his waist belonging to the same guy on whom Harry was working his magic a moment ago. Louis sighed and sat back, averting his gaze vaguely towards the bar, trying to spot Niall. He was taking too long to come back. Louis was too sober to deal with this birthday fiasco.

“Do you think Harry will want to stay until early morning?” Liam whisper-shouted in Louis' ear. “I am working tomorrow.” 

Louis shrugged and crossed his arms in front of his chest, laying his body on the table and just ignoring everything. Harry would probably not even return with them. He would probably follow that guy back to his place or invite him to his. That guy was tall, taller than Harry even. And from the small glimpse Louis managed to steal, he had a strong jaw. 

“Here come the shots!” Niall proclaimed before he placed a tray laden with tequila shots on the table. Louis stood up again and made grabby hands for two of them. “Stop, one is for Harry,” Niall said with a light chuckle. Fucker was already tipsy; Louis wanted to be tipsy and happy, too. 

“Harry’s not here, is he?” Louis said, swallowing down one of the shots, the hard liquor burning his throat, before he bit and sucked the slice of lime. “Besides, someone will buy him all his drinks anyway.” Liam grabbed the other shot from Louis’ hand, putting it back on the table.

“Someone or the tall bloke he has been talking to since we walked in?” Niall said, glancing over his shoulder to check on Harry. 

“He's not that tall,” Louis murmured. 

He felt his friends looking at him, but he ignored them. He knew what they believed and he knew what they would say -they had the same discussion at least once a week- but they had no idea what was going on, and they never would. Louis loved them, they were his family, but he knew that telling them what was happening would destroy the delicate balance within the group. So, he just pouted and downed his drink as slowly as he could, half-listening to Niall and Liam discussing work and a one-day trip they had all been planning for quite some time. He doubted Niall would go get him another drink soon, and that meant that he would have be the one to go.  

“Having fun?” said a familiar voice, a voice that made Louis feel warmer than any drink could. Louis shot his head up, happy, thinking that finally Harry remembered he wasn't alone in the club, only to be met with not one, but two boys standing in front of them. 

“We are, Haz. You?” Liam asked eyeing the man next to Harry. He wasn't that tall, he wasn't! 

“I am!” Harry plopped down next to Niall in the booth, leaving barely enough space for the man to sit next to him. Harry might as well sit him on his lap or something. “This is Matt. Matt, these are my friends, Niall, Louis, and Liam.” 

Matt waved at them before sitting down next to Harry. “Hey, everyone! Celebrating the birthday boy?” 

“He's buying us all the drinks,” Louis shrugged. Everyone laughed. Why were they laughing? Louis meant it. If it weren't for the free alcohol, he would never voluntarily watch Harry flirt with other men. 

“It's hard to deny free booze,” Matt agreed.  Louis had to hold back the eyeroll. Could this guy be any more pretentious and annoying? “So how did you all meet?” 

“Not in a club,” Louis said under his breath but making his voice loud enough for everyone to hear. He got the reactions he expected. Niall laughed awkwardly; Liam stared at him judgmentally. Matt and Harry had no idea what was going on. 

“We've been friends since uni,” Liam swooped in, trying to save the situation. Maybe Louis really needed to stop drinking. His eyes fell on Matt's hand placed on Harry's thigh. No. He needed to get blackout drunk.“Harry and Louis were in lectures together, Niall and Louis played football together, and Niall and I were in the same halls,” Liam explained. 

“So, you've been friends for a long time,” Matt said, nodding, clearly uninterested. 

“Well, yeah,” Louis said in a fake-enthusiastic tone. “Who needs more drinks? Niall will go get us.” 

Niall shook his head. “Oh, no, you wanker. It's your turn to go.” He pointed towards the tray. “And make sure not to spill everything again.” 

“One time I tripped and fell, and you can’t stop reminding me.” 

“Yes!” Niall laughed loudly. 

Louis rolled his eyes, climbing over Liam's lap to get out of the booth and away from whatever mating ritual Harry was going through to get into that bloke's pants. Louis didn't think he would have a hard time. He was such a fool; he knew that Harry would probably try and pull for his birthday. He thought about the dreams he had made for the night; he thought about the uncomfortable, lacy panties he was wearing, one of his birthday gifts for him. Fool! Harry didn't even express any desire to hook up. This was all Louis, assuming like always. They had never agreed to be exclusive, and obviously Harry was searching to find someone with whom he would want to commit. A club full of drunk and sweaty people might not be the best place to find love, but Harry would still try. 

“Five rum-and-cokes and five tequila shots,” Louis yelled over the crowd at the bar. The admittedly attractive bartender nodded and started making the drinks. Maybe if Louis wasn’t wallowing in self-pity and his mind wasn’t focused on Harry, he would attempt to turn the game on and flirt a little. He wasn’t in the right mood, though. Louis turned around to survey the crowd as he waited, trying to settle the dizziness he was already feeling. He saw a couple of guys and one girl eyeing him, but he didn't care enough to reciprocate, although one of the guys was quite fit. 

“Here you go!” the bartender yelled at Louis passing him the drinks in the tray. 

“It's on Styles,” Louis said, when he saw the bartender waiting to get paid. “And get one for you while you're on it.” If anyone could afford it, it was Harry. 

He returned to the table with the drinks; only one of them had spilled a bit, when he stumbled over his own feet, but no one had to know. Matt could have that drink. He realised that while he was away, in just five minutes, Matt had managed to get Liam and Niall interested in a story about his university friends. A uni boy! Harry had pulled a uni boy! Honestly. 

“Here,” Louis said loudly and placed the tray on the table. He made a move to climb over Liam again to get back to his place, but Niall stopped him, raising his hand. 

“Don't sit! I need to pee!” he said, and Louis looked at his friend, confused. What did that have to do with Louis? “Liam get up,” Niall said, pushing the other boy. 

Liam stood up, moving away and letting Niall pass. Louis took the opportunity to slide back into his place, and he grabbed his drink, downing more than half in one go, ignoring Liam's questioning eyes and Harry's roaming ones.

“I think I'll go with Niall,” Liam said before he followed Niall, who had already made his way to the doubtless, overcrowded toilets. 

And then it was Louis, Harry, and the guy Harry would fuck instead of Louis. Perfect.  

“I'm going to go check on my friends, H.”  _ H _ . Louis wanted to start laughing. “We'll talk later, right?” Matt asked, looking at Harry all hopeful. Of course, he would. Harry had the ability to make men fall at his feet and beg for his attention. Louis knew that very well himself. 

Harry nodded a bit absentmindedly. “Sure, I'll come find you.” 

Matt patted Harry's thigh a couple of times and then got up and left, giving Louis a nod and bidding him goodnight. Louis finished his drink and made grabby hands for one of the shots, but Harry's large hand rested on his, stopping him and guiding it back to his lap gently. Louis turned to look at him with a raised eyebrow, giving him one chance to explain himself.

“I think you've had enough, baby,” Harry said, and  _ fuck _ . Fuck him to hell. He had spent the night talking to another man, and now he was calling Louis “baby”. And Harry knew, he knew this was his weakness. 

“Well, it's free alcohol, H, dude bro,” Louis said, trying to mock Matt. “Besides, Liam is the designated driver; he will get me home and safely tucked under the covers. No big deal.” 

“Hm...” Harry moved closer, pressing his chest on Louis' arm.  _ Fuck, shit, fuck, fuck, shit. _ “I was hoping I'd get you home.” 

“You're tipsy yourself, I don't trust you taking me anywhere.” 

“But I was planning to take you everywhere,” Harry whispered, loud enough for Louis to hear him over the bass of the song playing, lips close to his ear and breath hot. “I was planning to blow you against your front door, then bend you over that hideous sofa you really have to throw out at some point and eat you out until you cry, and then fuck you long and hard into your mattress.” 

Louis gulped, feeling heat pooling in his groin. If he had to leave the club half-hard and go home to no one, he'd murder Styles with his bare hands. “I thought birthday boys usually receive celebratory blowjobs,” Louis said, trying and probably failing to be cheeky and cool. 

“Yeah?” Harry asked, and just that one word sounded filthier than anything that had ever left his mouth before.  _ Fuck. _ He brought his fingers and touched Louis' lips gently. “Would you really let me fuck this precious mouth?” 

Louis looked at him under heavy eyelashes and parted his lips, gently pecking Harry's two fingers. Harry, taking a sharp breath, placed his other hand on Louis' thigh. Harry closed his eyes and dropped his head back, groaning softly. 

“Let's get out of here, Lou, please,” he said, eyes still closed. He squeezed Louis' thigh and opened his eyes again, gaze landing on his lips with a weight Louis could feel down to his toes. Louis slowly licked his lips, making sure he was putting a show for Harry, softening them and preparing them to receive the gentle touch of Harry's own soft mouth or the hungry ache of his teeth. Harry seemed a bit frantic, pupils dilated and breath erratic. “I'll text Niall and Liam that you don't feel well and I'm taking you home. Please, let's move before they come back.” 

Louis nodded and waited for Harry to text Niall and Liam, who were still waiting in the queue for the bathroom, before following Harry out of the booth like a lost puppy, first to the bar, where Harry gave the bartender his credit card to pay for the drinks and close the tab, and then outside, where the cold air hit his face, already sobering him up within the first second. And then he remembered. 

“What about that guy? The tall one?” Louis asked, having forgotten his name. 

“Who?” Harry asked,  seeming genuinely confused. 

“The bloke you met tonight?” Louis tried to not sound jealous. 

“Oh, Matt,” Harry said, and then shook his head as confused as before. “Yeah, what about him?” he questioned, leading them to the line of taxis waiting outside the club. 

“Aren't you going home with him?” Louis asked, his voice sounding small, even to his own ears. He winced at his own pathetic attempt at keeping their friends-with-benefits relationship casual, but Harry didn't seem to notice, eager to just get them both on a bed. 

“What?” Harry stopped in front of a taxi, hand on the door. “Why would I- No? I won't. I didn't plan to. I thought-” He looked away, embarrassed for the first time that night. Louis felt something inside his chest roar. Harry assumed he would go home with Louis. Maybe they weren't dating, but Louis was his first choice, and now he had a hard time admitting it. Louis wanted to scream. Sure! The man explicitly listed every single thing he wanted to do to him, but admitting that he wanted it was embarrassing. Why Louis put up with this situation he would never know. “I thought I'd leave with you,” Harry admitted, and before he could say or do anything else, Louis jumped up and kissed Harry's lips with the urgent need to taste his boy. 

Alcohol was all he could taste. Alcohol and Harry, and he didn't mind one bit. Harry kissed him back with just as much fervent heat. He pushed Louis against the taxi door and pulled his head back, breathing hot and heavy against his lips. 

“Let's go, yes?” 

Louis nodded and let Harry open the door and climb in first, climbing right after him and reaching for his neck, leaving open-mouthed kisses there, as Harry gave the driver Louis' address. Louis was having a hard time caring if they were making the man uncomfortable; he had probably seen worse. As soon as Harry sat back, Louis put his leg over Harry's lap, half-sitting there, and he made work of a bruise on Harry jaw, right where the bone popped out, strong and alluring.

“Patience, baby,” Harry murmured, much calmer than a moment ago, but still his breath was short, making Louis proud of his achievement. “You must learn to behave; there’s someone watching,” he whispered in Louis' ears. 

“Don't care even if a million people were watching,” Louis slurred, feeling himself sobering up from the alcohol slowly, but getting drunk on the smell and taste of Harry's skin. 

The drive home seemed endless. Harry was trying very hard to control Louis' roaming hands, the latter giggling every time Harry grabbed him by his wrist to stop him from unzipping his jeans. Louis was mostly doing it to rile him up and get him as desperate for Louis as Louis was for him. When the car stopped in front of his building, Louis jumped out, pulling Harry with him, who had to resist the action in order to stay back and pay for the ride. But it was okay, because Louis couldn’t seem to find his keys inside his jeans' pocket. He finally succeeded just as Harry caught up to him, placing his large hands on Louis' hips and squeezing them softly. 

“I can't get it open!” Louis pouted, his hands trembling. “Help me!” 

Harry laughed and helped Louis open the door, leading them in and up the stairs, since Louis' flat was on the first floor. Louis stumbled on his feet and almost fell when Harry palmed his arse from behind. 

“I need you, Haz,” Louis whimpered, slamming himself against the wall next to his front door and pulling Harry against his him. “I'm so horny.” 

“And so loud,” Harry said with a wide smile. “You have to be quiet; it's late.” 

“No!” 

Harry pressed his finger against Louis' lips to shush him. “It's so late, baby. Stop yelling.” 

Louis smiled and locked Harry's gaze with his, then darted his tongue out to kitten lick Harry's finger for a moment, before taking it inside his mouth, in between his teeth. Harry cursed under his breath and made quick work to open the door with one hand, before pushing Louis inside and closing the door behind them. 

“Bedroom,” Louis instructed, pulling Harry by the arm. 

“I can't wait, baby. I want you now,” Harry made grabby hands for Louis, but Louis jumped back away from him. “Louis,” Harry said all serious, frowning. 

Louis laughed and raised the hem of his shirt, just enough for the panties he was wearing to be visible peeking out of his jeans. It was barely a line of black lace, but Harry's eyes widened, and he leaned towards the other boy. 

“Come catch me,” Louis said, running towards the room, just fast enough to let Harry's bambi legs follow without falling. It wasn't such a surprise when he caught up to Louis just outside his bedroom, grabbing him by the waist and pulling him against his chest. “Harry,” Louis laughed, clutching Harry's hands with his. “Harry, please.” 

“What do you want, baby?” Harry asked trying to sound innocent. As if he didn't know what Louis needed that moment. As if what Louis needed wasn't digging into his left arse cheek. Harry started mouthing Louis' neck, using his nose to push away Louis' sweaty hair. “Want me to fuck you?” 

“Fuck my mouth.” Louis opened the bedroom door and took a few steps, followed by Harry's large ones, and he pushed Harry to sit on the bed. Under normal circumstances, the bed would be unmade and the room a mess, but Louis had made sure to tidy up just for Harry. He'd be embarrassed he had assumed they'd spend the night together, if Harry hadn't made the same assumption. 

“Get naked. I want to see you,” Harry said, voice low and lips bitten red. Louis would have preferred it if those were his worn lips between Harry's teeth. 

“Sure, birthday boy.” 

He slowly lifted his T-shirt, taking it off and throwing it on Harry's lap, who just ignored it, eyes lingering on Louis' torso. Louis unbuttoned his jeans, teasing Harry with the promise of the new panties, bought just for him. The fact that Harry had no idea didn't mean that it was any less true. Harry reached for Louis, grabbing him by his hips and pulling him closer to place a hot kiss on his lower abdomen. Harry took it upon himself to finish undressing Louis. He pushed Louis' jeans until they hit the floor and marveled at the way the lacy panties fit perfectly around his hips. 

“I like these,” Harry said, nosing a line across the hem of the underwear. “Look nice on you.” 

Louis smiled and slid down to his knees, looking up at Harry, who was smirking, amused. They had been friends for years now, knew each other so well, but since the first time they slept together, it was like they got to see a different side of each other, a side they wouldn't have shared with anyone else. 

“Why do you still have clothes on?” Louis whined. He was desperate to have Harry inside him in any way; he wouldn't deny that. With fast, expert hands, Louis unbuttoned Harry's jeans and pushed them down, eyes focused on the hard line of Harry's cock. Impatient now, he left a trail of open mouthed kisses along Harry's clothed cock, leaving Harry’s breath heavy and erratic. “Come on, Haz, I want you inside my mouth. Please.” 

Harry placed a gentle hand on Louis' cheek, stroking it softly, but Louis’ attention was captured by his other hand that was freeing his straining cock from his briefs. Dizzy with need, Louis darted his tongue out and licked a fat stripe along the underside of Harry's heavy cock.

“Fuck, baby, yes.” Harry rubbed his leaking tip -maybe Louis wasn't the only one desperate for it- on Louis' lips for a moment, before Louis opened his mouth and took him in, suckling on the head for a moment, then taking as much as he could of him. Harry was big, maybe the biggest Louis had ever had. But Louis was nothing but determined; it took a lot of practice to be able to take him down his throat, but Louis had managed to make Harry lose his mind via blowjob more than once. 

Louis started bobbing his head, trying to maintain eye contact with Harry, who couldn’t seem to look away from the way Louis' eyes watered or the dip underneath his cheekbones as he sucked the life out of him. Louis tapped Harry's thigh; they had their own codes, and Harry knew right away what Louis wanted. He lifted his hips and started moving gently in sync with Louis, pushing and meeting Louis' movements. 

Louis pulled back to take a breath. “You can go harder than that,” Louis said, voice wrecked already. 

Harry smirked and blinked slowly. “I know, baby.” Harry laced his fingers in Louis' hair and pushed him down on his cock, Louis following Harry's lead eagerly. Harry didn't hold back now, fucking up inside Louis' mouth and demanding Louis' full attention, locking their gazes. Louis was so turned on he could explode. There was no way he could wait for Harry to open him up. He pulled back one more time and looked over to his bedside table. 

“Get me the lube, Harry,” Louis demanded. 

“What?” Harry asked, all hazy. Louis felt a pang of pride that he was affecting Harry so much. 

“The lube. Please. Harry.” Louis couldn't wait any longer, taking him back into his mouth and hoping that Harry would follow his order even in the midst of getting his cock sucked. 

Harry reached for the drawer and opened it, searching briefly for the lube. Louis showed his thanks by sucking particularly hard before moving down Harry's length and taking his smooth balls in his mouth. The lube fell from Harry’s hand into Louis’ lap as Harry groaned. “Fuck, Louis, fuck, yes, yes,” Harry panted. 

Louis searched for the bottle blindly and opened it to coat two of his fingers with some of the cold substance. He reached behind him, never leaving Harry's addicting skin for more than a second, and rubbed his fingers around his rim for a moment, before probing his hole with one fingertip. He opened himself up eagerly, losing some focus in his own mounting pleasure, but Harry took more control easily, fucking into Louis’ mouth with more vigor, his gentle hand stroking his cheekbone a contrast to the movement of his hips.

“I'm so close,” Harry said in a low voice, almost unrecognisable, if Louis wasn't a frequent listener of it lately. “Can I come on your face?” 

Louis shook his head, removing his fingers from himself and standing up slowly, swallowing at how Harry's eyes followed his every movement. “Want you to fuck me first. You want that, Harry?” 

Harry nodded slowly. He grabbed Louis by the waist and pulled him flush against his body so quickly that they fell on the bed together. Louis squealed and tried to straddle Harry, but the other boy anticipated him, pinning his arms above his head and halting his movements. 

“I am in dilemma,” Harry drawled, nibbling at Louis' jaw. “Do I fuck you like this so that I can see your face when you come, or do I flip you on your front and just fuck the life out of you?” 

“The life, fuck the life out of me,” Louis panted. There was nothing he wanted more than having Harry wreck him. He still remembered that first time they had sex, when Louis was horny and just needed a good dicking. Harry had offered as a joke, and it was funny. Very funny. They had laughed a lot, until Harry's cock was inside Louis, and suddenly Louis couldn't talk properly anymore, let alone laugh. 

“On your front, baby,” Harry instructed, pulling back enough for Louis to lay on his belly. Harry reached underneath the bed for the lube bottle and then for a condom in the drawer, before returning, big hands reaching out and squeezing Louis' arse. “This- Jesus. Okay.” Harry pressed one, two fingers inside Louis. 

Louis whined impatiently. “'M ready.” 

“You're not,” Harry insisted, focused on the way his fingers disappeared inside Louis. 

“I am,” Louis argued. 

Harry spanked Louis' left arse cheek, just enough to make him stop arguing. “Baby, when I say you're not ready, I know what I'm talking about.” 

Louis closed his eyes, hiding his face behind his elbow. “Sorry,” he whispered. “You know best, I just want you.” 

“I know you do. You'll get it, baby. Give me just a few more seconds.” 

Louis closed his mouth- well, he stopped talking- but he couldn't stop himself from moaning out loud, with the way Harry scissored his fingers inside him. Under different circumstances or if these were someone else's fingers inside him, he'd definitely try to be a bit more subtle and controlled, but this was Harry. His best friend. The man who knew him better than anyone else.

Suddenly, Louis was empty. He tried not to complain or whine, because he knew what that meant. A moment later, Harry returned, condom-wrapped cock in his large hand. He aligned himself with Louis' hole, using his free hand to press him down by the bottom of his back, before pushing inside slowly. Louis let out a long moan, feeling split in two, even though he was prepped for quite some time. He hated that Harry was right before; he was supposed to know his own body better than Harry. 

“Good, baby?” 

“I want more,” Louis pouted turning his head to gaze into Harry's intense green eyes. “Please, Harry.” Harry captured his lips in a hot, filthy kiss that was more tongue than lips, while bottoming out. “Yes, fuck, fuck, fuck!” Louis didn't hold back his moans and cries, as Harry started moving, thrusts slow but firm. Harry's hands seemed to be everywhere, stroking his exposed skin. 

“You're always so tight for me, baby,” Harry breathed on the back of Louis' neck, nibbling on the sweaty skin. 

“I'm so close,” Louis admitted. Harry's cock was brushing his prostate every now and then and even without that, Louis was already so close to coming undone. “Just... let me touch or touch me.” 

Harry didn’t respond save to push him harder into the mattress, making it impossible for him to reach and touch.  His actions drew out long moans and curse words; Louis was barely registering what sounds were leaving his mouth. 

“Harry, please, I want to come, I need to- I have- have to-” 

“Wait, give me a moment.” Harry moved around a little bit, changing his angle and aiming for Louis' prostate. It took him a couple of thrusts, then he found it, making Louis cry out and reach for the metal headboard of his bed. “There it is,” Harry murmured. “Feels good?” 

“Feels like I will explode. Let me come, please, Harry,” Louis pleaded, feeling like his skin was burning, wherever Harry touched him, which, given their positions, felt like his whole body. 

“Come whenever, baby.” Harry coaxed, his own movements becoming erratic as he approached his own orgasm. 

“I need to touch.” 

“No, you don't. You can do it, baby, come on. Just-” A couple more particularly hard thrusts, and Louis was coming on the bed sheets, crying out Harry’s name, knuckles white as he grabbed the headboard to hold on to something as he was fucked through his orgasm better than he’d ever been fucked before. Harry didn't wait long before he followed, emptying inside the condom and collapsing on top of Louis, hot and heavy. Louis would be happy to stay there feeling Harry's body crushing him forever. 

“That was amazing, Lou,” Harry breathed, and Louis could only whimper all soft and fucked out. “Shh, I'll go get something to clean you up.” 

“Mhm.” 

Harry got up and left the room for just a moment, before he returned with a wet towel and the condom disposed of. He helped clean Louis up, but the sheet was a mess of lube and come.  Harry threw the towel and the sheet on the floor before turning back towards Louis, who had just laid back down on his back this time. Louis returned his gaze, managing a decent effort, in the state he was, to hide his satisfied little smile and act cool. 

“Should I go home or can I stay over?” Harry asked uncertainly, hesitant about bending the rules of their arrangement . 

“When have you ever gone home, Harry?” Louis replied. Because Harry and Louis had spent every day inside each other's pockets since the moment they met, and that was long before they ever slept together. “Just lay down, shut up and let me get some sleep.”  

Harry laid down next to Louis, not cuddling or anything, just laying there on his back, breath still heavy and fast. “That was one good birthday present.” 

“I also got you a watch, you late fuck,” Louis yawned. 

“The sex was better. I already have a watch.” 

Louis kicked Harry's shin, feeling much more like himself, as he was losing himself to unconsciousness slowly. “Then use it.” 

“Never.” 

Sleep found them a few minutes later, barely touching, yet Louis' body was feeling the electricity of the proximity. He tried to not think much about it. He tried harder to not pretend this meant anything at all, especially when he woke up in Harry's arms in the middle of the night and didn't want to move. He told himself he wouldn’t have felt a empty, had he woken up alone, and that he hadn't dreamt the brush of lips on his forehead early that morning. He shook his head to rid him of those thoughts. They were just friends, nothing more.

  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

“We're having a party this Friday,” Liam informed Louis as soon as the latter slid into their usual booth at their local. They spent their nights there half of the week, lucky that it was Niall's uncle’s bar and they had special prices, or else Louis would be broke and living in the streets.

“Who is 'we'?” Louis asked, while taking his coat off. It was freezing outside, so the warmth of the fireplace close to their booth was pleasantly welcomed. 

“All of us, Tommo. It's happening at Harry's place, since it's the biggest one, but all of us are hosting. You can bring the guys from work, if you want. Oh, and you have to bring booze.” 

Louis furrowed his brows, confused, and turned to look at Niall, who was hidden behind a pint glass.  “Who the fuck decided that? Why?” 

“We all talked about it and agreed.” Niall shrugged his shoulders, top lip covered in beer foam as he left the glass, half empty already, on the table, next to the coaster. Sometimes Niall was a filthy pig.

“Harry agreed?”  

“Harry suggested it,” Niall said. “He said it's been a long time since we had a party with all of our friends.”

“We don't even have the same friends anymore.” Louis shook his head to stop overthinking it. It was a party. He'd get to unwind and spend less than what he'd spent if they went out. Even if he had to bring booze. He could get away with a bottle of vodka and a six pack of beers, right? Harry would probably provide the rest. “Anyway, alright. But I am not inviting anyone from the office. It's enough that I see their faces all day; I won't bring my work to a party.” 

“Yeah, but what about that guy -what was his name? Justin?” Liam asked, and Louis had to suppress an eyeroll. One time, he told them once that he thought Justin had cute eyes, and since then both Liam and Niall were pestering him to ask Justin out, even though Louis had repeatedly told them he was not interested in dating someone so boring or in dating at all. “Bring Justin, we want to meet him,” Liam insisted. 

Louis pretended he didn't know where this conversation was going. He reached for one of Niall's chips and popped it in his mouth, after dipping it in the place's special sauce. “Why?” 

“Because you said he's cute and he's the only person at your work that you like.” 

“I said his eyes are cute, Liam, not him in general,” Louis said for what felt like the millionth time. “And he is the only person I can stand, not that I like him. He's a nice lad, one of the least competitive. Can you believe Gina literally hacked my laptop while I was in the toilet and deleted my notes on that shoes article?” he tried to change the subject. 

Liam and, apparently, Niall, weren't having it though. “Would it kill you to invite one guy to the party?” Niall asked, less patient than Liam for sure. Niall had been pestering him to set him up with dates for months now. Louis had a suspicion he enjoyed playing matchmaker more than he cared about Louis' personal life, but Niall had said that he was an idiot for thinking about it and that Louis owed him to be the best man at his wedding with whomever Niall would set him up with. 

“No, it wouldn't. I just don't want to. Anyway, Friday. Party. I'm in.” 

Liam placed a gentle hand on Louis' bicep, a concerned frown creasing the space between his eyebrows. There it was. “Louis, you have to finally move on.” 

Louis sighed and raised his hand to get the waitress' attention. Jade saw him after a moment and smiled at him, nodding when Louis signaled to get him a beer. He turned his attention back to his friends, praying that Harry would get there sooner rather than later, so he wouldn't have to go through the same discussion again. 

“Move on from what, Liam?” Louis asked , fed up. 

“From Harry.” 

And there it was. The same old argument they had whenever it was the three of them. 

“I don't need to move on from Harry,” Louis said. In his ears he sounded convincing; he had always been a good actor when he wanted. “I don't have a thing for Harry.” 

“You almost killed that guy Harry met at his birthday.” 

Louis shook his head. “I just- what? I was perfectly decent with him.” 

Niall burst out laughing. “No, you were not. We've been over this : you have literally spent nights and nights drunk telling us how pretty Harry is. You have a crush on him ; admit it.” 

Crush was an understatement. Louis wasn't in denial of his feelings for Harry. He wasn't sure if he always had them, maybe since the day they met in university, sitting next to each other for their first Public Speaking lecture. Or maybe they developed after they started sleeping together, slowly but surely as Harry had proved to be even lovelier than Louis already thought.

Liam and Niall were right. He was hung up on Harry. He refused to date anyone else, even if their mutual agreement explicitly said that they could date other people whenever they wanted. It was just that... no one was as perfect as Harry. Louis didn't have any hopes that Harry would wake up one day, see him in a different way, and fall in love with him; this wasn't the reason he wasn't putting himself out there. He just didn't want to date anyone else. 

“I think,” Louis said carefully, “that you are making shit up. Just because I am close with Harry, it doesn't mean I am in love with him.” 

“Louis.” 

“Liam.” 

They stared at each other, neither backing down. Louis was considering just accepting a date with one of the people they were trying to set him up, just to shut them up. But that would be admitting they were right, wouldn’t it? Thankfully, he was saved from answering that unpleasant question by Harry, who entered the pub that moment, looking like a dream. Short curls messed up by the winter wind, hidden underneath layers and layers of clothing: a coat, a cardigan and a scarf protecting him. Louis tried not to focus on the beautiful rosy colour of his cheeks and nose. 

“Hey, what's up?” Harry said out of breath, smiling and sliding into the booth next to Louis, as everyone greeted him back. 

“We were talking about that party you all planned to have without me and forcing me to join you,” Louis said, before Niall opened his mouth and said something stupid. He loved that boy, but his filter was non-existent. 

Harry started shedding clothes, and Louis tried very, very hard not to stare at the way the white T-shirt stretched on his broad shoulders. Louis had a suspicion it might not be his own T-shirt and that he had taken Louis' by mistake, but he didn't say anything. He loved a fitted shirt on Harry's body. 

“Oh, come on, Lou, I know how much you love a party. You would never say no.” 

Louis sighed, because Harry was somewhat right. He would never say no to him, but the idea of the party sort of scared him. He didn't want to relive Harry's birthday night, when he flirted with other people, even if Harry ended up with him. He didn't want to have Niall and Liam pushing him to talk and flirt with random people, who seemed completely uninteresting to him. 

“I already agreed, so you're right,” Louis said. 

Jade came with Louis' beer and greeted him and Harry with a smile. “How are you, boys?” she asked in a tired voice. Louis noticed just then that there were quite a few customers around. 

“Doing well, love, how are you?” Louis asked, taking a long sip, before Harry stole the pint out of his hands and drank half of it. “Be a dear and get us another one and some chips, will you?” 

“Anything for you, Lou,” Jade said. 

“Oh, we're having a party this Friday,” Harry informed her, before she had the time to turn around and leave. “You are invited; bring some friends, if you want.” 

“Oh, I think I'm working, but I will try to come by after work. Just text me the address, yeah?”

Harry nodded and reached for Niall's last chip, as Jade walked away. Niall slapped his hand and put his arm protectively in front of his plate. “You just ordered your own, Harry. Stop eating other people's food.” 

“Bet you let Louis eat,” Harry pouted. 

“Louis doesn't do it all the time!” Niall said exasperated.

“We'll share, Haz, don't worry,” Louis reassured him, placing a hand on Harry's arm. He didn't miss the way Liam looked at him judgmentally, as if he wasn't allowed to touch one of his best friends. 

“I knew you were the only friend I have,” Harry said, reaching for Louis' hand that was placed on Harry's arm, stroking it gently.

“You can always count on me,” Louis replied with a cheeky smile that Harry returned.

“You two are insufferable,” Liam interrupted their moment.

“I am actually surprised you know that word, Liam,” Louis said to him, taking his hands away from Harry before he got completely lost and did anything stupid like attack him for a kiss. They weren't supposed to even kiss outside the bedroom, let alone allow their friends to see them being anything other than friendly with each other. 

Liam stared at Louis, but didn't reply. Thankfully, Harry didn't catch the moment and opted to change the subject. “How was work today?” he asked Niall, who had some troubles related to his boss being a total asshole. 

Louis listened carefully to his friend venting about the unfairness of taking all the burden of his boss' wrath, offering advice whenever he thought he had something to say, but he couldn't deny that his eyes traveled to Harry's profile ever so often, unable to look away. 

 

~*~

 

Liam and Niall kept pestering him about the stupid party all week. Their main concern was if he had invited Justin, so Louis gave in and asked Justin a day before if he would like to come to their party. He had hoped Justin would be unavailable; maybe he'd have plans for Friday night and being told on Thursday would make it impossible for him to make it, but Justin was free as a bird and Louis was fucked. At least he convinced Harry to buy all the booze that Louis was supposed to bring, so there was that. A positive ray of light in a long, long week. 

When Friday came, Louis didn't feel much like having fun. He had been working twelve hours a day, they were four days away from their monthly issue being out, and he barely had time to eat or sleep. He was pretty sure he had only taken three showers the whole week. He pondered over calling one of his three friends and telling them that he was sick, staying in, and enjoying some down time, but then he knew that his friends could call his bullshit from miles away. He didn't feel like wasting his time with excuses only to have Liam coming over to pick him up in whatever ugly clothes he was wearing to take him to Harry's house. 

So as soon as he got in from work, he had a real, long shower, scrubbing himself clean and washing his hair twice, just because he liked the honey-milk scent. Then he fixed his hair -well, he artfully let his fringe fall on his face- and picked up a nice set of clothes: a pair of skinny, black jeans and a burgundy, button-down shirt he had received as a gift from Lottie. Louis had his moments, when he didn't like many things about himself: his thin torso, or his meaty thighs, or the way his eyes looked asymmetrical, but he knew he looked good for the party.

They had agreed to meet up close to Harry's place and take a taxi to go there; Niall, Liam, and he splitting the fare wouldn't be much, so Louis made sure to not be too late. Just ten minutes. Surprisingly, Liam didn't preach to him about punctuality; he was too busy trying to convince him to make a move on Justin. 

“Liam, please,” Louis murmured, as they made their way inside Harry's house, being very late, especially since they were hosts as well, “can we not discuss this now?” 

“We're not discussing it, Lou, you never even listen to me when I say-” 

Harry interrupted Liam by approaching with fast steps, a crease of annoyance between his brows. Louis wanted to reach out and soothe it with his thumb or, even better, with his lips, but neither option was appropriate between friends or even between friends with benefits. Especially for the latter. 

So, Louis placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. “What's wrong, Haz?” 

Harry stared at Louis like he couldn't believe what he was hearing. “Really? You're all late, and I don't know half of these people. I know we usually host parties where all kinds of people come, but at least you are there. What happened?” 

“Tommo was late, because he was making himself hot for Justin,” Niall said with a cheeky smile.

“Who is Justin?” Harry asked, furrowing his brows even more, seeming confused. 

“He's just a coworker, and I didn't make myself pretty for him,” Louis said. He could honestly kill Niall. “I dressed up, because it's a party. Was I supposed to come in my pajamas?” 

“Would it be the first time?” Liam sighed tiredly. 

“Anyway, I didn't dress up for Justin, okay?” Louis said, hoping that this discussion would be over once and for all. 

“Well, there was a Justin looking for you earlier, I left him in the kitchen getting a drink, so...” Harry trailed off casually. 

Louis tried to look for a hint of annoyance or jealousy in Harry's tone, but there was nothing there. And why would there be? Not everyone was obsessively in love with their best friend. Harry was a normal person, who could differentiate sex and emotions. Harry was particularly affectionate and cuddly with him, but that didn't mean he felt anything remotely romantic for Louis. In fact that was the way Harry behaved with all his friends. But telling that to his own brain was a problem for Louis. He needed to get away, try to focus on not being awkward and in love with Harry. 

“I'll go find him and say 'hi',” he said to his friends, choosing to ignore the blinding smiles of approval on Liam's and Niall's faces. He didn't bother to look at Harry, because he knew the look of indifference on his face would only hurt him. 

Louis turned around and walked towards the kitchen, just noticing how many people had already arrived at the party, holding their plastic cups full of cheap alcohol and swaying to the music, which, Louis guessed, was one of Liam's playlists. He usually made those and gave them to the boys, and usually the boys ignored them, but they were amazing for parties. 

He found Justin standing in a corner, drinking from his cup and looking around bored. Louis couldn't exactly blame him; he knew no one there. He approached him with a smile. “Hey, Justin, how are you?” he greeted him with a brief hug. 

“I was wondering if you'd come,” Justin said, but there was no heat behind his words. His smile seemed genuine. “I was starting to think I was at the wrong party, but then this bloke, I think Harry is his name, told me you're coming over soon. There you are.” 

Louis felt like a teenage boy who wanted to ask Justin all these questions about what exactly did Harry say and how he said it, but he knew this would be beyond weird and a little bit rude. “Sorry for being late. Are you having fun?” Louis asked the question as a conversation starter; it was obvious the man was bored, and he knew that this meant he would spend the whole night glued to Louis' side. Louis supposed he could bear one boring night, if it meant that Liam and Niall would get off his back and let him be. 

“I think I'll get a drink for myself,” Louis said taking a step back. “Do you want a refill?” 

Justin downed the rest of his drink and nodded. “Sure.” 

Three hours later, Louis was having a really bad time; Justin was tipsy, and it was obvious that he wouldn't mind getting it on with him judging by his roaming hand on Louis' lower back. 

“I can't believe we haven't spent any time together outside work; you are so fun, Tomlinson!” Justin said loudly, after Louis made another lame work joke that was absolutely not funny at all. “Maybe we could go out sometimes for drinks after work. That would be nice.” 

Louis nodded, having no intentions of giving hope to someone that he was interested, leading them on, when there was no way he would ever be. But he couldn't exactly reject him, because Justin was treading the line of friendly and overly friendly, and until he passed it, Louis had to be careful and polite. 

“Sure, we'll talk about it, arrange something. We could invite the whole office, bond a little bit.” 

Louis needed to take a breath. He had done nothing all night but talk with his colleague. Who was he kidding? His mind was on Harry and what he had been doing all night. He tried not to feel possessive, because he had no right. He knew he was being an asshole for even feeling jealous of the idea of Harry spending the night with other people, especially since Louis himself was with Justin the whole time, but he couldn't exactly control his feelings, could he? 

“I need a bathroom break,” Louis said to Justin. “I'll be right back.” He turned around and escaped, before Justin could follow him or anything like that. 

He squeezed through the dancing bodies, who were steadily getting drunker and drunker, and ran to Harry's bedroom, knowing that he always kept it locked during parties, so the ensuite wouldn't be occupied by a horny couple or someone drunk enough to already be emptying the contents of their stomach. He found the key to Harry's room behind the plant pot, where he kept it for emergencies like this, opened the door, and ran inside quickly before anyone noticed him. 

Harry's room was surprisingly a bit messy, some clothes thrown on a chair and paperwork all over his desk. Louis has seen it in worse condition, but he also knew that Harry was anal with order sometimes. He didn't ponder about it too much; Harry was probably busy with work all week, like the rest of them. Louis ran to Harry's ensuite to relieve himself, then stole some deodorant to freshen up and to stall getting back to Justin. When he got back to the room, he was taken aback by Harry sitting on his bed, like he was waiting for Louis. 

“Hey,” Louis said casually. “Are you having fun?” 

“I am,” Harry nodded seriously. He didn't seem like he was, but who was Louis to question him? Harry wasn't the kind of person who hid behind his words. “I don't think I have to ask you; you're having a blast with Justin.”

“He's a nice lad,” Louis shrugged. Justin was beyond boring, yes, but he wasn't a bad person. “What did you do all night? I didn't see you around at all.” 

“Well, you were kind of busy, weren't you?”

Louis decided to ignore Harry's frown, because he couldn't figure out where the bad mood came from. Harry was usually a fun drunk, so it wasn't alcohol. “Let's go back to the party; you owe me at least a drink.” Louis went to open the door, but it was locked. He turned to look at Harry, who was staring down at his own hands. “It's locked,” he unnecessarily informed him. 

“I know,” Harry said. He dug his hand in his jeans' pocket and took the key out. “I locked it.” 

Louis shook his head confused. “Why?” 

“Because, baby, I've felt like I hadn't seen you all night.” Harry's pout disappeared and transformed into a cheeky smile.

_ Baby _ . 

Louis felt his insides melt, just like every time Harry's full attention was on him. Louis took the steps to get to the bed, but he only sat next to Harry, careful not to touch him. If Harry wanted, he could make the first move. Louis wasn't that desperate. Well, actually, it’s more like he was good at controlling his desperation. Harry scooted a little closer, until his and Louis' thighs were touching. 

“So many people have already left, some have found a place to sleep,” Harry's voice trailed off. His silence had concealed all the suggestions he couldn't make. Not when he was completely sober or not texting. 

“Hm... is it really that late?” Louis asked, pretending he didn't know what Harry wanted. Pretending that he didn't want it just as much. “Maybe I should go find Justin and say goodnight.” Louis made a move to get up from the bed, but Harry's hand stopped him. It looked so big and inviting on Louis' forearm. Louis knew full well what Harry could do with those hands, and he was salivating just thinking about it. 

“Stay,” Harry said, face back to serious. “Justin will be fine; he's a big boy.”

Louis was hearing every word he wanted, even though the emotions behind them were far from the ones he hoped Harry had for him. “Yeah, he is,” Louis smirked. “A big, big boy. He's so tall and strong and-” 

Harry was on him before Louis could finish his sentence, lips on lips, and tongue invading Louis' mouth hot and eager to explore. Louis let out a soft moan, barely audible, as his hand found Harry's neck. He played with the hair there, letting Harry work his mouth on his jaw and neck, marking him up. Harry loved leaving hickeys all over Louis' body, although they usually avoided any visible areas, because Louis didn't want to deal with Liam and Niall later. Apparently, the unspoken rule was just broken by Harry, because when he pulled back, he looked at Louis' neck grinning and then pressed his thumb on the mark that was blooming there.

“Can I take a picture of those?” Harry whispered, his breath hitting Louis'  _ hot, hot, hot _ skin and making him shiver. 

“You like marking me up?” Louis fanned his eyelashes seductively, while Harry tried to find his phone in his jeans' pocket, without taking his eyes from the sight in front of him. Louis had a way of looking wrecked and fucked, even if Harry had barely touched him. “Like seeing yourself on me?” 

“Fuck, baby, yes.” Harry took a few pics of Louis neck, the sound of the camera echoing in the dark room. “You don't know how hot you look.” 

Louis looked straight to the camera and gave a little private smile for Harry to photograph. They had shared nudes before; Louis' phone was filled with pictures of Harry's cock, and Harry was never shy to ask for nudes whenever he was horny and neither boy could make it to the other's house. But this was new; they had never taken pictures of each other during sex before. Louis felt like he was on fire, a little embarrassed, but also very turned on. 

“Can I keep going?” Harry respectfully asked, always careful and wanting to make sure Louis was comfortable with the things he suggested.

Louis nodded, but pouted when, instead of having Harry's lips back on his neck, Harry pulled farther away and focused the camera on him. He held the camera with one hand, while the other worked on pushing Louis' shirt up his body. He held the phone on the side, as he leaned down and latched his lips and teeth on Louis' navel, kissing and sucking hard, marking him in a way that he had never done before. Louis should have felt embarrassed he was whining so loudly -he sounded so needy- but he couldn't care. Not when his own cock was straining in his tight jeans and he needed Harry inside him yesterday. 

“Please, Harry...” 

“What do you want, baby? We've barely started.” 

“No, you butthead. I want you now!” Louis whined, and he decided he didn't have to sit around and wait for Harry to get over himself and give him what he deserved. He slipped from underneath Harry, taking the taller boy by surprise, who easily complied to the way Louis' body guided their joint movements and laid on his back, allowing Louis to straddle his hips and cage him in using his strong thighs. “Now you have to do as I say,” Louis said triumphantly, pumping his fists in the air. 

Harry took advantage of the opportunity to unbutton and slip Louis' shirt off his body and trace the delicate skin with his fingers. Louis was so pale; he missed the golden shade of his skin. He couldn't wait for summer. 

“So, what do you want me to do? I will do as you say,” Harry agreed.

“I want you to get me off.” 

“Yes, I know, demanding little shit,” Harry laughed, “but how exactly do you want me to achieve that?”

Louis sat straight and shrugged once, before he grinded his hips against Harry, eliciting a long moan from the man underneath him. “If you still don't know after all this time, then what is the point of taking me away from a fun party?” 

“Because I'm horny and want you so much, baby,” Harry said hoarsely.

Louis frowned, pretending to be confused. “Yes, but what do I gain from being here?” 

“Sex?” 

“But I could get that from anyone,” Louis said confidently. He could. He just wouldn't. Harry didn't need to know that, he didn't need to know how desperate he was for his touch all the time. “So again, what do I win for being here.” 

Harry smirked and reached for Louis' hips, grabbing a handful of his curves and starting to move Louis back and forth, making their clothed cocks slide against each other. Louis was struggling to keep his cool. “Boy, you know that no one else can work you up like I do, no one else can fuck you so good you can't walk properly the next day. Besides you like my dick the best.”

“Aren't you full of yourself, butthead?” Louis said. He was so close to coming, and he still had most of his clothes on. 

“Aren't you going to be full of me, too, soon, baby?” Harry replied with a smart mouth. 

Louis rolled his eyes and with the little power he had left, he pushed Harry's hands away and got up from the bed, leaving the other boy staring at him like Louis had just offended him. On some level, he might have felt rejected, but Louis knew better. Harry was a great at getting what he wanted, be that Louis' ass or something else. He knew how to pout, frown, and make people give him what he asked. If anyone could rival his game, that would be Louis. 

“Where are you going?” Harry asked, when he realised that Louis truly was getting himself back together in order to return to the party.

“I have a guest, who probably thinks I died or something. I was supposed to be gone for a quick wee.” 

“You're really going back to the party?”

Louis nodded. Harry pursed his lips for just one moment, before his easy smile returned to his face. “Okay, I'll bet you.” 

“What?” 

“I'm betting that in less than half an hour, you will be here, my fingers opening you up and you whining that I'm taking too long.”

Louis' mouth watered just thinking about it. Truth was, he was painfully hard, and he had to deal with that somehow before he went to find Justin. His plan was actually to say goodbye to his colleague, and then to find Harry and fuck him for three hours straight. But since Harry wanted to be a cocky asshole, Louis' plans changed. 

“It's on,” Louis said determined. “Can't wait for you to beg me to come back.” 

“It won't happen, darling. You'll crawl back here on your own.” Harry reached for the key to give it to Louis. “Here,” he said. “You're free to go, but don't be late, darling, I have to meet my mum tomorrow morning, and I'd prefer to get some sleep.”

Louis grabbed the key and flipped him off as he left the room, the sound of Harry's loud laughter following him and making his insides twist. He was so in love with that boy, it kind of hurt him. 

 

~*~

 

Louis lost the bet. 

Not even twenty minutes later, he was back in Harry's room, legs wide open and three of Harry's fingers working him up, while the other boy left marks all over the inside of his thighs. 

The story went a bit like this. It took Louis five minutes to tame his boner and then another two to find Justin, who acted as if Louis had gone to war and was M.I.A. Louis was actually planning to talk to Justin some more, and then when the half hour was up, he would say goodnight and go back to Harry to rub in his face that he lost, before they'd fuck. Some minutes into this brilliant plan, Louis received a notification for a text message, which he opened, because anything was more interesting than Justin. Well, the photo he received was definitely way more interesting than anything. 

It was Harry, completely naked in his bed, body half covered by the covers, but Louis could see the line of his long, hard cock, under the white sheet, self-satisfied smile on his pretty face, dimple out and hair a mess. Louis wanted to teleport on him that moment. He was a strong man, though, he could wait for a couple moments more. He could have made it, if Harry hadn't sent him the video of Louis, being marked by him that he took just earlier. Thankful that he had the volume all the way down, Louis had stared at his screen like he had seen a ghost.

“Are you okay?” Justin had asked and Louis had to lock his phone, before the other man took a peek. 

“Yes,” Louis had nodded. He needed to leave. He needed to get to Harry. “Look, Justin, I really need to go find a friend, okay?” he had said. “I'll see you at work on Monday. Had fun today.” 

The other boy had bid a confused goodbye and had accepted a half-hearted hug, before Louis had run back to Harry's room. He made sure that Niall and Liam weren't being weird stalking him, because he hadn't seen them all night , and he was therefore quite suspicious. He entered the room fast, locking the door behind him. He found Harry resting between his pillows and sheets completely naked, stroking lazily at his hard cock, lips caught between his teeth. Louis forgot how to breathe for a moment, before his mind caught up and he moved forward. 

That's how a few moments later, he found himself on his back, Harry prepping him with hard fingers, but soft, lingering kisses on his thighs. Harry had just finished leaving a mark on the crease above Louis' thigh. “Admit it- you lost the bet,” Harry said, scissoring his fingers effectively.

“Shut up!” Louis groaned.

It wasn't that he hated losing -he really, really did. He hated what this meant. If he admitted it, it would be like admitting he couldn't stay away. It would be like admitting that he had no control left when it came to Harry. So, he just rolled his eyes and pushed against Harry's fingers, trying to get more of him, needing more of him. 

Harry stilled his fingers inside of him and stared at Louis expectantly. “You either admit it or I stop.”

“You know I can get myself off and just leave you here all hot and hard, right?” 

Harry rested his forehead on Louis' hipbone and chuckled. “Sure you can, baby, but your orgasm won't be nearly as satisfying.”

Louis hated him for being right. He hated him for winning the bet. He hated how helpless he felt around him. He wished he could find a way to stop his feelings for Harry, change them, do this casually and then go back home to his own bed without feeling like his heart was being ripped out of his chest every time he wasn't next to Harry. 

“I think I'm ready, Haz,” Louis said and he reached for Harry's curls to pull him upwards. “Fuck me, please?” 

“Always so polite,” Harry said amused and he crawled up, leaving hot kisses all over Louis' body. “Do you want to ride me, baby?” 

Louis nodded and he moved around the bed, letting Harry lie on his back, while he searched for the bottle of lube, thrown somewhere between the sheets earlier, and a condom from the bedside drawer. When Louis turned back around to look at Harry, he almost came on the spot. He looked like a dream, the way his cock lay heavy on his stomach, skin hot and red, dark curls falling like a halo around his head, contrasting the white pillow. 

Louis took a sharp breath in and he straddled Harry's thighs. He pushed the sweaty fringe away from his eyes, knowing very well that he must have looked like a mess compared to Harry, who was always effortlessly sexy and gorgeous. Harry, however, seemed to be okay with that, because he reached for whatever part of Louis' body he could touch, stroking his torso and thumbing his nipples gently. 

Feeling impatient, Louis opened the condom and rolled it down Harry's impressive length -he would never get used to how big he was- before he poured some lube and stroked him loosely to spread it all over him. Harry helped him sit up and held his cock in his large hand, allowing Louis to align himself and sink down as slowly as he could. He was prepped well, Harry was always so thoughtful of his comfort, but the boy was still big. A long moan escaped Louis' mouth, one that made Harry moan in return, hands latching on his hips, but waiting for Louis to get used to him before he moved. Louis started moving back and forth, getting used to the feeling of being split in two, before he picked up the pace. 

Harry for once looked more affected than Louis. “Can I film us, baby? You look so hot right now, it would be a sin not to immortalise this moment.”

Louis nodded, feeling both embarrassed and turned on that Harry wanted to keep this moment. He sat back and tried to groom himself a little bit, as Harry blindly reached for the phone underneath his pillow with one hand. He found it after a second and turned the camera towards Louis. Louis did his best to ignore the phone and focus on Harry's crease between his brows, as his eyes focused on the screen. 

“Feels good, baby?” Harry asked, caressing the exposed thigh; Louis' muscle there was clenching and unclenching as he moved on top of Harry. 

Louis nodded, biting his bottom lip in order not to cry out. “So, so good, Haz. I'm so close.” 

“Tell me what you want.” 

“More,” Louis breathed out. 

“More of what?” 

It was probably the high of the moment, Louis' thoughts weren't coherent enough and his guard was cracked by the way Harry was alternating his glances between the screen and his face, because he let out a few soft moans and stared right into Harry's eyes, before he simply replied. “More of you.” 

He wanted more of Harry. He wanted the sex and then the cuddles. He wanted to be able to fall asleep in each other's arms and then wake up and make shitty breakfast for him and bring it to him in bed. He wanted to watch Harry's favourite movie again and again, just to make him happy. He wanted to take him to expensive dates in fancy places he could barely afford to go or take him to dark movie theaters, where they'd ignore the movie in favour of making out. He wanted everything. 

Harry didn't say anything to that and Louis knew he had fucked up, because who says that to the guy he casually fucks, but they are just best friends? No one. Louis couldn't take it back now, though. It was out there and it was caught on tape and Louis would have to find a way to make up for it. All worries and panic stopped, however, when Harry reached for Louis' cock, teasing the underside with two fingers, before he thumbed his leaking head. 

“Are you close?” he asked with a gruff voice. Louis nodded, afraid to speak, afraid he'd just admit what Harry was doing to his body. How he could feel a pang of pain inside his chest, whenever Louis had to leave after they had sex or when he had to go back to being just friends, no time for soft stuff.

Louis placed a hand on Harry's chest, the other on the metal bars of headboard above his head and he angled his body in order for Harry to be able to hit that sweet spot inside him with every thrust. Their movements became erratic, Harry's hold on Louis cock became stronger as he stroked him close to orgasm. With a soft sob, Louis came all over Harry's hand and belly, clenching wildly around Harry, who followed just a moment later, capturing Louis' lips in a hot kiss. 

A few moments later, Louis was on his back next to Harry, trying to catch his breath in order to get the hell away. They usually stayed at each other's places, but Louis didn't feel ready to go back to being just friends. He wanted to go home and forget about the whole night. 

“Alright, it's getting late, I have to go.” 

Harry frowned and turned to look at him. “You're leaving? Why?”

“Um... I'm busy tomorrow,” Louis lied pathetically. “We'll talk, Haz, just text me, alright?” He stood up, knowing he should probably shower before he wore his clothes, but he didn't want to lose time. He could shower at his own flat, even if the heater was still broken. 

“Want me to take you or get you an uber?” Harry asked, getting up as well. 

Louis shook his head. “No, I'll find someone to take me home, stay here. It's your house after all.” Louis approached him for a friendly hug, one they always shared when they met or parted, way before their little arrangement had started. Harry, however, still high from his orgasm, placed a gentle hand on his cheek and leaned down to kiss him, stealing his breath and his heart's ability to beat normally.

“Good night, Lou,” Harry said and he turned his back to him, before Louis was even out of the room.

Louis was in deep shit, and he needed to find a way to fix it, before he destroyed everything. But first he needed to get home.  

 


	3. Chapter 3

Louis had lost himself in work and organising a short trip to visit his family, so he had completely missed how he hadn't left the house for two weeks, apart from to get to his job or to the supermarket two times. He had received a few texts from a few friends, Niall and Liam being the ones constantly bombarding him with nonsense stories that Louis usually enjoyed reading, but he had opted to monosyllable answers, too tired to hold a conversation with them.

It was Friday night and Louis was sitting on his couch, cold beer in one hand, laptop balanced on his thighs, trying to finish an article about headscarves. He was pretty sure that when he decided to study journalism, his goal was to write about other stuff. Not that fashion tips weren't important. He loved fashion, he would just prefer to be able to write about human rights, interview great people with brilliant minds. However, he was glad he had a job in his field. Even if he had to write a piece about headscarves on Friday night. 

The intercom went off suddenly, startling Louis. “Who the fuck?” he murmured, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and getting up, setting his laptop on the coffee table. “Who is it?” he snapped into the intercom, a little bit annoyed. 

“It's Harry. Let me in; a dog is staring at me aggressively.” 

Louis' felt his belly flip when he heard Harry's beautiful, deep voice. He hadn't seen him or talked to him since the party; they had barely texted, and if Louis was honest, he had been scared that he had fucked up everything that night with the things that left his mouth. But Harry was there. 

“Have we agreed to meet?” Louis asked him, although he was sure that he would remember if they had.

“Nope. Seriously, Louis, this dog is huge! You have to open the door.” 

Louis rolled his eyes and buzzed Harry in. He turned around to look the state of his flat. There was no way to save this mess, so he sighed and opted to groom himself a little bit. He pushed his fringe back and straightened his clothes before he opened the door for Harry to come in, smelling and looking like a dream. So, yeah. Two weeks later, Louis was still in love with his best friend. 

“Hey, butthead, what are you doing here?” Louis asked, masking his excitement and nerves about seeing Harry after so long. 

“Get dressed; we're going to Liam's for video games and pizza night,” Harry said, plopping himself on the couch. 

“Alright,” Louis said, confused. “Is there any way you guys could inform me about this stuff in advance?” 

Harry stared at him all serious. “I've been texting you all day, but you were avoiding me. Same for Niall and Liam. I mean...are you okay? Because, mate, we haven't talked since the party.”

Louis swallowed hard. He hated confrontations, and he hated having to give bullshit excuses. “I'm busy with work. I was writing a piece when you interrupted me.” 

“You want me gone?” Harry asked, worried suddenly. As if Louis would ever want Harry out of his flat.

“No, you're fine.”  

“So are you coming to Liam's, or are we staying here to work on your piece and watch a movie or something? I don't mind either way.” 

Louis couldn't help but smile, because Harry was so wonderful and just wanted to spend some time with his friend. Louis was such an asshole for taking that away from him, because he couldn't control his feelings. Louis Tomlinson, the most pragmatic man on earth, had become a puppet of his crush for Harry. Fucking ironic. 

“No way I'm dressing up for video games and pizza, Styles,” Louis said. He was already wearing a pair of dark grey joggers. If he changed his T-shirt and wore a beanie to hide the atrocity of the nest he called hair, he'd be fine. 

Harry shrugged. “Liam said to make you wear actual clothes.” 

“As opposed to the pig skin and leafs I use to cover my body most days?” 

Harry let out a soft chuckle and shook his head. “He told me to get you in skinny jeans and a nicer T-shirt. I don't know why. I think he secretly enjoys looking at your arse.” 

Louis rolled his eyes and flipped him off before running to his room to change. 

“What? It's a nice arse!” Harry yelled from the other room. 

“Oh, you'd know,” Louis yelled back. 

“Oh, I do. It's so fucking round and lovely and when you ri-” 

“Shut up!” Louis yelled, feeling himself blushing. Harry laughed loudly, and Louis had to bite his lip to stop himself from smiling like an idiot. Fuck those little butterflies in his stomach whenever Harry was around him. Fuck them to hell. He returned to the living room and stood in front of Harry, wearing his joggers and a nice white shirt, refusing to back down because Liam was weird and wanted them to be fancy to play video games. “How do I look?” 

“Just like before, gorgeous,” Harry shrugged. “Alright, let's go. Are we teaming up tonight?”

“No,” Louis said. “You suck. I'm not losing again.” 

Harry rolled his eyes and got up to help Louis find his keys and wallet. “You're such a big baby; it's just a game.” 

“That's what losers, who stand no chance of winning, say.” 

“That's what normal people, who understand that the point of video games is enjoying them and not winning, say,” Harry replied, opening the door for Louis and waiting for him to lock it behind him, before they made their way downstairs. “I drove,” Harry informed him. “Too tired for the train.”

Louis nodded and followed Harry to his car, which miraculously was parked just a few meters away from Louis' building. He climbed -literally had to climb to that beast Harry called a car- in the front seat and strapped himself with the safety belt, as Harry got in the car as well and settled on his seat, ready to start the car. 

“What are we even playing today?” Louis asked, while Harry pulled away from his parking spot and into the traffic. It was already 8pm, and Louis was sure they wouldn't be at Liam's before 9, even if he lived really close to Louis' place. 

“Take a guess,” Harry said, resting comfortably in his seat. He always had this air of easiness in life. He did everything with confidence and relaxed shoulders. Sometimes Louis didn't know whether to admire him or envy him for that. 

“FIFA?” Louis asked, because what else? 

“Nope. Niall will bring Borderlands.” 

“Then why the hell did you ask me to team up with you? It's each man on their own, Styles, and all of you are going down.” 

Harry smiled softly and turned to look at Louis for a moment, before he focused his eyes back to the road. No, Louis' heart didn't start beating fast because of that, not at all. They drove to Liam's place relatively quicker than Louis thought they would, discussing this and that, days at work, Louis’ plans to soon visit Donny to see his family; everything seemed to be back to normal and comfortable. Almost as if they were just friends and nothing more. Almost as if Louis didn't feel like he would catch fire every time Harry tapped his knee to get his attention or rubbed his shoulder for a moment, when Louis told him about how much he had been working all week.

 

~*~

 

Liam was an asshole and Louis could write a ten-page essay about it. 

When he and Harry got there, they expected to find Liam, Niall, and a half-eaten pizza, not a small gathering of people waiting them to arrive to begin a video game marathon or whatever their plans truly were. As soon as Louis stepped foot inside and saw that there were two other people there -people he had never seen in his life before- he rolled his eyes and almost left. He would have, if Harry hadn't stopped him by grabbing the sleeve of his jacket and pulling him back in. 

“Hey, boys, you're late,” Liam said with a smile, like nothing was going on. 

Louis looked like a mess. A mess. “Be glad I'm even here,” he murmured, leaving Harry and Liam to talk to each other to go to greet Niall with a hug, before he stood in front of the new people, a young man with blonde-ish hair and warm brown eyes, and a pretty woman with hair down to her collarbones and an impressive tattoo on her lower arm. “Hi, I'm Louis, and I usually don't look like an accident, especially if I know I'm meeting someone new,” He extended his hand and the woman took it smiling at him. 

“Hi, I'm Jesy; I'm Liam's coworker.” 

“Oh, yeah, he has mentioned you before,” Louis said, vaguely recognising the name. “It's nice to meet you.” He turned to the other man, waiting for him to introduce himself,  but the other man was just staring. “So?” Louis trailed off awkwardly. He hated awkward conversations with strangers; he couldn't deal with his own self-embarrassment. 

“Oh,” the man said shaking his head. “Oh, right. Sorry. Um, I'm Chad.” 

“Hi, Chad, nice to meet you,” Louis said before he made his way to the other couch, where Harry was already sitting. “In case Liam hadn't told you because he's a terrible host, this is Harry.” 

Harry got up and greeted both of them with a warm smile, returning to his seat only to sit next to Louis this time and rest his head on his shoulder. Louis patted his head twice and then turned to Liam, who was bringing plates for everyone. As if anyone would use them, why did Liam even try? Niall opened the pizza boxes; there was always one with cheese only just for Louis and one with olives and green peppers for Harry, because he was a freak who didn't know what good pizza was. 

“Get this thing away from me,” Louis said, scrunching up his nose in disgust when Harry bit down half of his slice in one go, shrieking that it was hot and fanning his mouth after. “Olives on a pizza,” Louis murmured, taking a small bite and enjoying the greasy food warming up his belly. 

“Some people like flavour in their lives, Louis,” Harry said with a shrug and finished his slice with his demon mouth that could fit a tennis ball in there. Louis was curious if he could bet him to do it at some point. 

“Some people like the wrong flavours in their lives, Styles.”

“Are you two going to fight about pizza, or are you playing with us?” Liam questioned from the floor across from Louis and Harry. 

Louis looked at the TV, already hooked to Liam's console, game ready to be played. “Correct me if I'm mistaken, but Borderlands is for up to four players, and there are six of us.” 

“Yeah, so we'll play as three teams of two, alternating every half hour,” Liam explained. 

“I pick Jesy!” Niall claimed quickly. 

“You picked right, boy,” Jesy said with a mouthful of food that she washed down with a sip of beer. 

“And I pick Harry,” Liam said, grinning at him. 

“Really?” Harry and Louis said in sync, both a bit surprised, because Harry was just bad at video games. He got easily bored and distracted. 

“Yeah, Haz is mine.” 

“But I usually team with Lou,” Harry said looking at Louis with a pout. 

He was right. As much as Louis teased him, they were always a team, mainly because Liam was very competitive -even worse than Louis- and he refused to play with Harry, and Louis refused to play with Liam, who would yell at him about every minor mistake.   

“Time to change it up, isn't it? Chad, are you okay playing with Louis?” 

Chad nodded before he realised that he had to give an actual reply. “Sure, if he's alright with it as well.” 

“Of course,” Louis said, wanting Chad to feel a bit more welcome and comfortable in their little group. “Chad and I will be the dream team.” He got up from his seat and went to squeeze himself between Chad and Jesy. “Right, Chad?” 

Chad high-fived him and finally gave a genuine smile. “Oh, yeah, I'm actually pretty amazing in video games. Liam and I were in school together and we used to play all the time; he knows how good I am.” 

“School? How come Liam never told us about you or we haven't met you?” 

“I went to France for uni and stayed there until now. Just moved to London and I thought it would be nice to meet with some old friends. Liam is one of the few who replied to my messages.” 

“Liam is a good person sometimes, yeah,” Louis said and that earned him a pillow on the face. 

“I am a good person at all times, asshole, unlike you,” Liam laughed. 

“Enough,” Niall said cleaning his hands with a paper towel and getting up from his seat. “It's time to play.” 

 

~*~

 

Chad wasn't exaggerating when he said he was good. He was also very funny and likeable and he became part of the group right away, losing the awkward stance and being more open. He even joined in making fun of Niall when the controller slipped from his hands and hit him in the face. Louis didn't want to admit it, but maybe spending some time with his friends, including Harry, doing something casual and fun, was all he needed. He was sure he'd finish the article first thing in the morning with a new point of view and fresh ideas. 

“It's getting late,” Jesy, who had been a lovely addition to the group as well, yawned. “I think I'll head home, if that's alright with you.” 

“Do you have a way to get there?” 

“Tube?” 

“No way, it's too late,” Louis protested. “Harry can you take us both?” 

“Of course,” Harry nodded. “We better get going though.” He stood up and smoothed down his t-shirt to get rid of the wrinkles. “Lou, are you ready to go?” 

Louis nodded and went to get up, before Liam stopped him. “Why don't you let Chad take you? That way Harry won't have to travel around London the whole night.” 

“It's really not a problem,” Harry frowned. “Chad doesn't know where Louis lives anyway.” 

“I can take directions,” Chad said. “I can take Louis home, if that's okay with him as well.” He turned to look at Louis waiting for an answer. 

Louis looked at Harry, whose eyes were focused on the floor. He shrugged his shoulders and finally got up. “Fine by me,” he just wanted to get home and in bed. “We'll talk tomorrow, losers,” he said to the rest of the room as he gathered his few things. He went to stand next to the door, waiting for Chad to say his goodbyes. A few moments later, they were out the door and walking together towards Chad's car. 

“It's a bit messy, so forgive me about that,” he said to Louis as he opened the door for him. 

Louis got in the car and noticed that it was spotless, save from a cup, coffee half-finished. He shook his head, remembering the state of his own flat. For an adult, he was pretty bad at it. Maybe he should use his weekend off to clean his house and even do some laundry. Or maybe he could just lay on the couch all day and feed himself with crisps and cereal. 

“So, where to?” Chad asked after he settled in the driver's seat and turned to look at Louis. Louis gave him his address and some directions, before Chad started the car and drove off. 

The traffic wasn't much better than before, so Louis and Chad spent some time chatting about their lives. Louis learned that Chad had studied Sociology in France, and he had just now started working as a social worker in London. He was an only child, and he lived alone, no roommates or partner in sight. Louis, in return, informed him that he was working as a journalist in a magazine, writing a fashion column, although his knowledge of fashion was very basic, and that he came from a huge family of seven kids. 

“Here we are,” Louis said pointing to his building as it came closer. 

“Do I park here?” Chad asked looking for the street signs. 

“Yeah, you can stop for a minute, no problem.” Louis unfastened his seat belt, as the car came to a stop. “Thank you so much for driving me,” Louis said, “I didn't want to spend money on taxi, and it would be shit to have Harry driving around London to take us all home.” 

“Uh... yeah. Harry is a- he's nice.” 

Louis tried to not look how nervous he got hearing that. It wouldn't be the first time someone would be impressed by Harry and then he'd ask Louis to help him. And in the past Louis had no problem, but things were different now. He waited until Chad spit it out, asked about Harry and then proceed to ask for help to ask him out. 

“Is he- you guys- you seemed close all night.” 

“What?” 

Chad shrugged his shoulders. “He was all over you, Lou. You weren't even in the same team, and he insisted to sit next to you, he kept touching you, it was- I thought you, guys, dated, until you said I could drive you home. Which doesn't mean anything. So are you, guys, dating?” 

Louis shook his head confused and a little surprised by Chad's suggestion. Harry had been his usual self; he was always very tactile with other people. “We're not,” he said, feeling his mouth dry. He needed ten gallons of water. Or twenty gallons of vodka. “We're very close with each other, true, but we're not dating.” 

Chad huffed a relieved breath and smiled big. “So, that means you're single?” 

“What?” 

“I mean if not Harry, is there someone else?” 

Louis felt somewhat uncomfortable. Chad was asking all these personal questions and if he didn't know better, he'd think he was into him. “I am,” Louis shrugged. “So is Harry, as far as I know.” Louis hoped that if Harry was dating anyone, he would inform Louis. Not that Louis wanted to ever hear those words.

Chad nodded. “That's- well... that's cool.” 

“Thank you for the ride,” Louis said, because the nice night they had spent around each other had been ruined, surpassing the territory of awkward, and Louis had to stop himself from physically cringing. “We'll see each other again.” 

“I hope so,” Chad said. “Good night, Louis.” 

Louis opened the door to get out. “Good night, Chad.” 

He run upstairs to his apartment and quickly went through his nighttime routine, getting rid of his clothes and falling into bed still thinking of Chad’s words. He thought he and Harry were a couple. Louis didn’t know if this could potentially mean anything other than they were close. He fell asleep remembering the way Harry kept touching him throughout the night, wondering if this was something friends did. 

 

~*~

 

“Chad asked me about you,” Liam said as soon as Louis climbed in their usual booth at the pub. 

“Well, hello to you, too, Liam. I am fine, if you want to know. Work has been a little tiring, but nothing I cannot handle. I also had someone out to fix the boiler finally, I had to pay him myself though.” 

Liam rolled his eyes, ignoring Louis’ sarcasm. Louis started ridding himself from the layers of clothes he was wearing, as Niall and Harry greeted him, seeming just as confused by Liam’s statement as he was. 

“What happened at work?” Niall asked. His cheeks were rosy, and the group seemed to be on their second beer of the night. Wow, Louis was really held back at work. 

“Everyone's an asshole, and I get to write a new piece.” 

“Headscarves?” Harry guessed. 

“Male rompers.” 

“Cheers!” Harry said pushing his pint towards Louis, who raised it to his lips and took one long, much needed, sip. 

“Not only they want me to call them male rompers, but they insist I write a sarcastic piece based on gender norms and you know I’m not about that.” 

“Oh, Lou,” Harry reached for his hand and took it in his, stroking the knuckles gently with his thumb. “If anyone can make it work, it’s you.” 

“It’s just- It’s the complete opposite of my morals. I don’t mind writing about fashion, but for some reason they keep asking to write weird articles that make fun of gender equality and I’m done.” 

“Well, to be fair, rompers are atrocious,” Niall said.

Louis sighed and finished Harry’s drink. “I’ll get the next round,” he said to him apologetically. 

Harry shook his head. “Don’t worry about it.” 

“You know what could lift your spirits?” Liam asked, and Louis knew what was coming before it was said, based on his baffling greeting. “Going out with someone, unwind a little, have some fun.” 

“I am out, Liam,” Louis said pointedly. 

“No, I mean with new people. Maybe go on a date finally. Valid question: don’t you miss sex? I don’t think you’ve had some in months.” 

Louis focused on stopping himself from looking at Harry. If Liam knew how much sex he was having and how good it was, he would be scarred for life. “This might shock you,” Louis chose his words and tone carefully, “but sex isn’t everyone’s life goal.” 

“Yeah, but, boy, you need to get some,” Niall, the traitor, teamed up with Liam. 

“I am not in the mood to go out and meet new people. I hate humans; they are exhausting.” 

“And that’s where we come in,” Liam rushed to reassure him. “You can go out with Chad, for example.” Whoop, there it was! “He has been chewing my ear off for days. I think he already has a crush on you.” 

“A crush?” Harry laughed. “What is he? Five?”

Liam ignored Harry’s sarcastic comment and kept talking Chad up. “He is such a nice bloke and you hit it off right away, why not give him a chance?” 

“Because he isn’t my type.” 

_ Because he wasn’t Harry. _

Louis raised his hand to get the waitress’ attention; it was Jade’s shift again. Jade waved back at him and motioned that it would take a few minutes. Louis smiled at her and waved her off. 

“Why? He is tall and cute and has a nice sense of humour and he is ace at video games,” Liam argued. 

“Then date him yourself,” Louis replied, starting to get annoyed. 

“Chad was really interested, you know. He asked me for your number, but I told him I have to ask you first.” 

Louis sighed, because he knew he had backed himself into a corner. He had said to Chad that they could keep contact, and they were mutual friends with Liam. How do you turn down your friend’s friend without making it awkward? “He could have asked for my number himself if he was that interested.” 

“Cut him some slack, Lou,” Liam insisted. “The bloke is a bit shy.” 

“He seemed alright to me,” Harry said. “He didn’t seem shy at all, when he insisted on driving Louis home, but whatever.”

“I just thought he was nice; I didn’t expect him to hit on me,” Louis revealed. 

“He hit on you?” Niall and Harry asked simultaneously, Niall much more enthusiastic than Harry. “That’s great, Lou,” Niall added. “I say you give him a chance.”

“I agree. What’s wrong with one date? Worst case scenario, you lose one night of your life,” Liam argued. 

Louis shook his head, because he could see it coming. He would have to agree. “I love how you say it like nothing is wrong with that.” 

“Yeah, but best case scenario, you finally get some action,” Niall counteracted, defending Liam’s opinion. 

Louis looked away and sighed. He really didn’t have a way to wiggle his way out of this one. “Just- okay, give him my number,” he half-heartedly agreed. “This doesn’t mean I am going out with him, I am just giving him a chance to find a way to ask me out, but it depends on the way he will ask,” Louis clarified. 

He avoided looking at Harry. He really didn’t want to know whether Harry liked the idea of Louis with another man or not. He focused his eyes back on the table and let the other three change the topic, as he tried to think of an excuse to avoid accepting the date request. 

 

~*~

 

Louis was apparently bad at saying ‘no’, since he found himself, a day later, spending his Saturday afternoon getting ready for his date with Chad. Louis hadn’t had the time to leave the pub and get back home before he received a message from Chad asking him if he was busy the next day. Half-drunk and very tired, Louis didn’t have it in him to find a proper excuse, so he accepted the invitation, planning to keep it short and platonic. 

Although he didn’t really care to impress Chad, Louis knew he should make an effort to look presentable and nice. After all, it was supposed to be a night out. He chose a pair of black skinny jeans and a nice shirt. His nice oxfords were cleaned and waiting on the side of the bed. He had decided to forego the blazer and just wear a nice coat instead. He hadn’t started dressing up yet, when the doorbell rang. 

“The fuck?” he murmured confusedly. They had agreed to meet at the restaurant; Louis didn’t want to be picked up. He was still in his towel, wet from the shower and hair dripping wet down his back. For the love of God, if this was Chad, he was 45 minutes early and in the wrong place. 

Louis answered the intercom, trying to calm down and not sound annoyed. “Who is it?” he asked, a bit more tersely than he intended to be. 

“Harry,” the familiar voice came from the intercom. 

Louis sighed and buzzed him in without any further discussion. Harry knew Louis had a date soon. They’d had lunch together, and when Harry casually asked about Chad, Louis had informed him of everything. He seemed cool with the idea, and he had even wished Louis ‘good luck’ so it made no sense that he was there at this hour. 

Making sure nothing was showing, he opened the front door, waiting for Harry to climb up the stairs. If Louis was lucky, Harry might drive him to his date, so he’d have more time to relax before and properly get ready. When Harry appeared, Louis almost forgot everything but the man’s name in front of him. He was in a pair of blue jeans, plaid shirt over a black T-shirt, boots, and a leather jacket. Just the idea of going out with another man seemed so wrong to Louis at that moment. 

“Hey,” Harry greeted him with a smile, bending down to kiss Louis’ cheek, before he got in his flat. “Not ready yet?” he asked looking around the messy living room. He pushed aside the blanket that was thrown on the couch and sat down, leaving Louis with his hand on the door handle and utterly confused. 

“I was about to get dressed,” he replied, not hiding the surprised tone of his voice. “What are you doing here?” 

Harry shrugged and relaxed back on the couch. “I was in the neighborhood and thought about seeing you before your big date.” 

Louis huffed and closed the door behind him. “Big date? It’s just dinner.” 

“Well, Chad is a good-looking fella,” Harry commented, before he turned his head around to stare at Louis, eyes lingering on his naked chest.

“He is alright,” Louis said carefully. As if anyone’s good looks would ever compare to Harry’s sleepy face in the morning. As if Louis would ever even care about a handsome face, when Harry existed right in front of his eyes. “Still not interested,” Louis declared. 

“Then why are you going?” Harry asked, voice void of any emotion, positive or negative. Louis had no idea what Harry was ever thinking about things like this, and it drove him crazy. 

“Because I was drunk when I accepted and I don’t want to be an arsehole and cancel.”

“When do you have to be there?” 

Louis checked the clock on the wall. “I have to leave the house in 45 minutes, if I don’t want to be late.” 

“I can drive you, if you want,” Harry offered. 

Louis couldn’t think of another situation similar to having your best friend, with whom you are hooking up on the downlow, offering to drive you to your date with another man. Head in the oven didn’t sound like a bad option at that moment. “Yeah, sure,” he agreed, because he was a masochist. Or because he couldn’t stay away from Harry. “I’ll go get ready.” 

“You have time,” Harry said, patting the couch next to him. “Sit down for a moment.” 

Louis furrowed his eyebrows, suspicious of Harry’s behaviour, but did as he was told. Truth was, he wanted to be next to Harry since the moment he walked in. He wanted to take in his scent, he wanted to touch him, joke with him. He sat next to Harry, who took off his jacket finally and left it on the couch. Harry reached a hand and pulled Louis in a side-hug. Louis rested his head on Harry’s shoulder staring at him and waiting for anything, one sign that Harry was there to keep him away from his date. So far Louis knew that it was his own brain creating false hopes. 

“Where is he taking you?” Harry asked, not taking his eyes away from Louis’. The intensity behind his gaze didn’t match the casual tone of his voice and Louis didn’t know which one he should focus on.

“It’s this new restaurant, Black Duck. Do you know it?” 

Harry nodded. “Fancy.” 

Louis knew it was more on the expensive side, and he knew that he would pay a ridiculous amount of money because he wasn’t planning to let Chad pay for him, even if he was the one who asked him out. He wanted to make his intentions clear. 

“I can imagine it, Lou. Candle-lit dinner, next to a fireplace. Chad flirting with you all night. He will buy you some nice wine, probably. He will try to get in your pants. That’s for sure.” 

“You don’t know that,” Louis said, his uncomfortableness growing. He didn’t want to discuss his upcoming date with the man he was in love with. He wanted to get it over with and move on. Go back to his life, even if it wasn’t ideal. “He is a nice guy.” 

“And nice guys don’t want to have sex?” Harry laughed. “Besides, who could resist you, baby?” Harry said, invading his personal space and grazing his hot lips against Louis’ skin. Louis closed his eyes, because, of course, Harry had to do that. Of course Harry had to come turn him on right before his date.

“You know, this doesn’t help,” Louis said, leaning towards Harry anyway, because he could never really stay away. 

“There is a golden rule, Lou. You should jack off right before your date, just to make sure you don’t get too excited,” Harry said, one hand staying around his shoulders, while the other was placed carefully on his lower abdomen, right above his towel. 

Louis didn’t bother to tell him that there was nothing exciting in the prospect of going out with Chad. He craved Harry’s touch. He didn’t care if he should be getting ready already. He didn’t care if the whole situation was fucked up. There was nothing ever that could hold him away from Harry. He relaxed back into Harry’s embrace and opened his thighs slightly, towel moving dangerously low, almost revealing his cock that was taking an interest to this unexpected turn of events. 

“I can help you with that,” Harry whispered in his ear. “You can just relax and let me do everything for you.” 

Louis let out a sigh and allowed Harry to untangle his towel and let it fall off his thighs, revealing his half-interested cock. Harry started kissing his neck, verging dangerously close to sucking a mark. Louis wanted it, that was the thing; Louis wanted Harry to mark him up, claim him as his for the next person that was interested in Louis, but he knew that the meaning behind it wouldn’t be the same for Harry as it would be for Louis. Harry’s large hand engulfed Louis’ cock, stroking him steadily, until he was rock hard -not that it required a lot of effort. 

“Harry,” Louis whined, turning his head for a kiss. Harry captured his lips right away, never depriving Louis of the affection he constantly craved from his best friend. 

“You like that, baby?” Louis nodded, speechless and leaned in for another kiss. He wanted more, he needed to let Harry swallow him whole, keep him in that goddamn apartment, away from the world and reality. “Will you be thinking of me, when you are with him?” 

“Harry, please, fuck.” 

Harry picked up his unforgiving pace. The dry ache was welcome for Louis; however, Harry always made sure he was comfortable, so he raised his hand and made Louis lick his palm wet, before he took him back in his hand and stroked him fast and hard towards an embarrassingly quick orgasm. Louis cried out and turned his mouth on Harry’s clothed shoulder, biting down hard to silence himself. Harry whispered sweet nothings, keeping up his movement, much softer now, until Louis was soft and he could breathe properly again. 

“Better go get ready,” Louis said after a moment, aware he was already running late. 

“You need a shower, baby,” Harry reminded him casually. 

“Do you- um…” Louis looked down to Harry’s straining jeans and all he wanted to do was cancel his plans and fall on his knees for the rest of the night. “Do you want me to take care of that?” 

“I’ll do it myself later,” Harry said. He kept staring in Louis’ eyes as he raised his hand and licked his own palm clean from Louis’ come. Louis felt like he could pass out at any moment, but what sealed the deal was Harry reaching out and kissing him filthily, sharing Louis’ come with him and making sure to knock Louis’ breath out completely. “Now you will be relaxed for your date and you’ll enjoy it much more.” 

Louis didn’t inform him that he needed a nap and a ride on his dick. He just nodded and stole a couple of more kisses, before he found the strength to get up and go get ready for his date. If Louis noticed Harry’s lingering stare on his naked body, he didn’t say anything. It wasn’t the time after all.

 

~*~

 

Chad was lovely company for the date. He was considerate, he discussed all the right topics, without making the conversation awkward with unnecessary comments. He was cheerful, but not too much. He was the right amount of funny. Louis should be having fun. Louis should be laughing and chatting, he should be getting tipsy on the nice wine... he should be charmed by Chad. He should want to end the night with a kiss. All he could think about was Harry. 

As the night passed by, it was becoming all the more painfully obvious that Louis was obsessed with Harry in an unhealthy way. He realised that when he checked his phone for the third time in half an hour for a message from Harry, missing the punchline of one of Chad’s stories and rightfully getting called out. 

“Is everything alright? You have been on your phone the whole night. If you need to go, I can drive you home.” Chad didn’t sound bitter; he sounded genuinely concerned, and it made Louis feel even guiltier. 

“I’m so sorry. Something happened at work, and I need to be on the whole night.”

Chad didn’t comment on the fact that being available as a journalist on a Saturday night sounded absurd. He nodded and motioned with his hand for Louis to keep doing what he had been doing all night. “No problem, Lou. I get it. When are you going to print?” 

“Three more days,” Louis said, leaving his phone on the side and reaching for the remnants of his wine, finishing it with one big gulp. “But I wish we could finish one issue before the final deadline for once. We are always struggling the last few days, so just ignore me. I’m leaving my phone on the side.” 

As soon as the words left his mouth, his phone pinged to a new message. Louis looked down on his phone screen guiltily, confirming his suspicions that the message was from Harry. His hand was itching to reach out and read it, but he had just made a promise to Chad and Louis wasn’t a complete asshole. Chad, however, nodded towards Louis’ phone and shrugged. 

“Go ahead; it’s just one message. I’ll go to the bathroom while you sort that out. I’ll be right back,” Chad gave Louis a genuine smile before rising to set off towards the toilets. 

Louis reached for his phone, heart pathetically pumping inside his chest at the prospect of any contact with a man he was with just a few hours ago. He opened the message with sweaty palms and yelped out loud, gaping at the attached picture. Nothing he hadn’t seen before, just a regular dick pic from Harry, still hard from his visit to Louis’ place, captioned as “needing you”. Louis felt his throat drying up -he considered getting up and leaving that moment without warning- but he calmed himself down and clicked on the call button, staring intently towards the direction of the toilets, in case Chad made an appearance. 

“Baby,” Harry’s breathy voice came alive through the speaker after two rings. “Are you home already?” 

“No, Harry, I’m out,” Louis replied, careful to keep his tone casual. “Is there a reason I received that picture?” Louis could imagine Harry nodding like an idiot through the phone, too turned on to think properly. “Harry…” Louis insisted. 

“I can’t get off without you here, Lou. I watched your pictures and your videos, but they are not enough. I need your hot mouth; I need to have you here.” 

Louis closed his eyes. It wasn’t only the physical desire that made him want to run to Harry and fulfill all his wishes. It was his aching need to be close to Harry, to feel his skin, to hear his voice in his ear as Harry panted Louis’ name after a mindblowing orgasm that Louis would offer to him. 

“Do you want me to leave my date, Harry?” Louis asked, letting himself get vulnerable again. What if Harry was just horny and he wanted Louis to get him off through the phone and Louis was offering to destroy a nice date -the first one he had in a long time- for nothing? 

“Do you want to leave your date, Louis?” Harry asked right back. 

Louis never even wanted to be there in the first place, never even thought any other man was worthy of his time and attention, when Harry was part of his romantic life in any capacity. He sighed, defeated by his own weak self-restraint. “I’ll say goodbye and be right there. Will you be able to wait for me?” 

“Yes, baby, of course I will,” Harry cooed. “The door’s locked, you have your old keys, right?”

“I don’t think I have them with me, Haz,” Louis informed him. “I guess you either have to get up from bed and open the door for me or deal with it yourself.” 

“But I am so comfy.” 

“I noticed,” Louis smiled, his mind flashing back to the picture of Harry between his white sheets and pillows, only his torso, hard cock and part of his thighs visible. “But you have to get up, if you want me there, love.” 

Harry groaned but agreed grumpily. “Alright. Please don’t be late, Lou, my balls are about to fall off.” 

Louis laughed out loud, right on time for Chad to return from the toilets, staring at Louis confused by his obviously better mood. “Good news?” he mouthed sitting back down on his seat. 

“Give me a moment, please,” Louis smiled at Chad. He felt bad that he was trying to think of an excuse in order to leave, but there was no way he would stay. He knew it was pointless and, if he wanted to be honest with himself, disrespectful to let Chad hope that this date would ever lead to a second one. 

“Is that him?” Harry asked through the phone. 

“Yes,” Louis replied carefully, and he reached for the volume button, to make sure that Harry wasn’t heard through the speaker. 

“Will you tell him you have to leave?”

“Yes.” 

“Will you tell him the reason? Will you tell him there is another man all hard because of you?” Harry dared him. 

“I can’t do that, I’m afraid. However, I think I can end my night early and go write the article now. Do you want me to do that?” Louis put his acting skills forward. He sounded awkward to his own ears, the lie was so obvious, but Chad didn’t seem bothered or suspicious. 

“I need you to be here in the next few minutes; that’s all I need,” Harry breathed out. “Please, Lou.” 

Louis kept up his charade, watching Chad getting ready to leave with him. “Alright, I’ll do my best to send it in the next two hours.” 

“I’ll drive you,” Chad offered. 

Louis shook his head, panicking inside that he wouldn’t be able to decline without making his excuse sound questionable. “No, you can stay a little while longer; don’t ruin your night because of me.” 

“Lou, we’re all alone at a restaurant; what am I supposed to do alone?” 

Louis stood up from his seat, ignoring Harry’s annoyed “he calls you ‘Lou’?” He made sure he had his wallet in his coat, after he wore it with one hand, while holding the phone with his other, changing hands for one moment only.

“You can have some dessert; it’s on me.” Louis got his wallet out and left enough money to cover his part of his bill and some more. He knew he would regret it -his budget didn’t quite allow for expensive dinners- but he figured it was the least he could do for dumping Chad like that. 

“I’ll call you later,” Chad reassured him, “to make sure you got home safe. Or you can text me.” 

“So clingy,” Harry sighed on the other side of the phone. 

Louis had a lot of self-restraint, because he didn’t comment on who was the clingy one at that moment. He smiled at Chad and circled around the table to bid him goodbye with a handshake, but Chad got up and hugged him tightly. Louis felt bad that Chad had misread the situation; obviously he didn’t understand that Louis was literally ditching him. He wondered if he would have to find an excuse to avoid an invitation to a second date in the future or if Chad would go home and understand that a shitty person like Louis didn’t deserve a second chance. 

“I’ll see you around, Lou.” 

“Thanks for the lovely night, Chad. We’ll have to do that again, all of us. The lads will want to join, just so you know.” 

Chad chuckled, but it seemed like this comment tipped him off on the situation. He nodded and sat back down. “Call me,” he repeated, and Louis nodded like there was any chance he would ever give false hope to this man again. He was so horrible, but at the same time, he had Harry’s heavy breathing in his ear, reminding him why he was leaving early, after giving a shitty excuse. 

Louis walked out the restaurant fast, phone still on his ear. “Coming over now,” he informed Harry and Louis could almost hear the smile through the phone.  

“I can’t wait, baby.” 

“You’re still hard?” 

“Still waiting for you to take care of me,” Harry said. 

Louis didn’t read too much into his words. He just hailed a taxi and ran to him.

 


	4. Chapter 4

Louis woke up alone and feeling guilty. The previous night had been a disaster. Not only he had ditched a decent guy and a date, which should have been enjoyable, to run back to Harry’s, but he had also ignored all of Chad’s messages. The morning found him in Harry’s bed, comfortable and warm under the covers. He was sure that he had heard Harry saying he was leaving for a morning run sometime earlier, but Louis had opted to pretend he was asleep to avoid any invitations he would decline anyway.

When the sun got too bright for his sleepy eyes, even through the light gray curtains, Louis decided to finally open his eyes and go search for some food. He was exhausted; all he wanted to do was steal some of Harry’s fancy cereal and go about his day without thinking what his actions meant for him as a person. 

Of course he wasn’t lucky enough to get away with breakfast and leaving alone, since Harry returned right as Louis was finishing his second bowl of cereal, perched up on Harry’s couch and abusing Harry’s Netflix account. Harry smiled as soon as he saw Louis and ran to jump on him, not minding that he was all sweaty and hot from his morning run. Louis didn’t mind either, if he was being honest. 

“Good morning, Lou,” Harry smiled down at him and kissed his cheek before he pulled away and sat on the couch, draping Louis’ legs over his thighs. “Did you just wake up?” 

Louis finished his breakfast, some milk leaking from the side of his mouth, which he wiped with one finger, and he left the bowl on the coffee table. All of his movements were followed closely by Harry’s gaze, making him feel awkward to be watched doing simple things like that. There was something unspoken behind Harry’s stare, and Louis didn’t know how to interpret the tension. He wished that for this one time, they would finally be honest and say what they meant. Louis wanted to just ask. Ask Harry if anything ever meant more than their agreement, if there was something left unspoken, but how could he go about that without risking the most wonderful friendship he had ever had? Harry was his friend, first and foremost, and jeopardising that, because Louis was stupid and he caught feelings, was selfish. 

“How was your morning workout?” Louis asked instead, locking all of his private thoughts and worries in the back of his brain like always. 

“I’m tired but it felt nice. There’s something amazing to getting tired, only to go back home and enjoy the feeling of relaxing your sore muscles. Maybe you should try that sometime, you know,” Harry suggested sneakily, probing Louis’ swollen tummy. 

Louis pretended he was pondering the offer for a moment. “Mhm, maybe when I die.” He gave Harry a tight-lip smile, one that Harry stole with a soft kiss. 

“You’re not getting any younger, Tomlinson.” 

“Oi, fuck off, will you?” Louis laughed out loud. “I am in exceptional shape, you should know that first-hand.” 

Harry nodded with a dreamy face. “Mhm, I do,” he whispered. 

They stayed there, staring at each other for a moment, before Harry finally got up from the couch, ruining Louis’ comfortable position. “I’ll go take a shower and then I was thinking of meeting Liam. Do you want to join?” 

The mention of Liam’s name brought back all of the memories of the disaster night and the guilt he had been suppressing ever since Harry walked in the flat. He didn’t know if Chad had informed Liam about their date and Louis’ dreadful behavior at the end of it, and he wasn’t ready to face the consequences of his choice yet. 

“Nah, I think I’ll go home. Work on my article a little bit. Yes, Styles, I actually have to work,” Louis was fast to cut him off, when Harry raised an eyebrow, ready to say his remark. “But say hi from me to Liam and tell him I’ll call him later.” 

“Alright,” Harry agreed nonchalantly. He was either completely indifferent towards the situation, or he was much better at hiding his emotions. Louis was pretty sure that Harry’s thoughts were much more complex, but he didn’t know how to approach the issue. So he did what he knew best. He got up and followed Harry to his bedroom to get his clothes and get the hell away. 

“I’ll call you later, too. I was wondering if you want to go for dinner tonight.” 

Louis hummed in agreement. “Sure, just ask Niall and Liam if they are up for sushi. I have been craving some for quite some time now.” 

Harry shrugged. “Even if they’re not up for it, I can take you.” 

Louis approached Harry and pinched his cheek, before he patted it softly to soothe the reddening spot. “Always so sweet. No worries; Niall will definitely be up for it. There’s something about this kid and fish; he can’t stay away.” 

Harry laughed out loud as he took off his clothes and threw them on the floor. Louis looked away, searching for his own attire from last night, somewhere thrown underneath Harry’s bed. He got dressed quickly and managed to comb his hair into submission using his fingers, before he said his goodbyes to Harry, who offered him a warm hug and a soft kiss on his cheek. He was out of the flat, feeling awkward about it for the first time since they had started doing this. Louis could see it coming -he could see the clusterfuck approaching- but how do you prevent it, when you’re too in love to be able to put a stop to it? 

Liam’s call as soon as Louis stepped out of Harry’s building made Louis realise that he had to do something; he had to make decisions and take some action. The problem was the crippling fear of changing something already great. 

 

~*~

 

Chad kept calling Louis for a week; some calls went unanswered, some were rushed and awkward, until the boy got the memo and stopped trying. Louis didn’t feel so guilty after he explained to Liam that he wasn’t interested in him, but he still had to sit through a very uncomfortable discussion. Liam was worried, apparently, that Louis was getting older and he was still hung up over a crush that would never be reciprocated. 

They were sitting in a busy restaurant, having lunch just the two of them; Liam was being a good boy eating his salad and protein in the form of some deliciously grilled chicken, but Louis had decided to be a little rebellious with his diet and have one hell of a greasy carbonara. He was enjoying the cheesy pasta and the white wine -just one glass before he had to run back to the office- while Liam was trying to explain to him his point of view, through his limited knowledge. 

“This is how I see it,” Liam said, swallowing down some lettuce. “You and Harry are really close; there’s no denying that, right? But if nothing has ever happened, what makes you think things could change now?” 

Louis pursed his lips and wiped them with his napkin, taking the last sip of his wine. Maybe a second glass wasn’t such a bad idea. He didn’t have to be completely sober to write about the “10 things to avoid wearing on a first date”, did he? “You keep saying I’m hung up on Harry, but where’s your proof, Liam?” 

“Your failed date with Chad,” Liam replied instantly. “Or any other date you refused to go on. And you’ve confessed your crush on Harry in the past; it’s not something Niall and I have made up.” 

“I was drunk,” Louis rolled his eyes at him. “Besides, have you thought that maybe I am not interested in Chad or any other guy? Maybe I like being alone.” 

“Do you?” Liam challenged. “Because I see how jealous you get when Harry is flirting with other guys. Oh, yeah, that’s a thing, by the way. Harry is out there flirting with other men, living his life, and you just sit back and watch him as you turn down man after man.” 

Louis ignored the pang of jealousy, because Liam was right. Harry was out there living his life. Sure, it had been quite some time since his last known date with someone else, but Louis knew that Harry was open to new adventures. His birthday fiasco was enough proof, even if he ended up with Louis at the end of the night. Louis knew that Liam was right. Deep down inside, he knew he was hoping for something that would never come. 

A mess. His life was a mess, his job was a mess, his relationship with Harry was a mess. He didn’t know where to start fixing his life, because he didn’t know how to fix it without destroying first what he valued the most. And that was his special relationship with his best friend. He sighed and shook his head. 

“I’m trying to make some decisions,” he said to Liam honestly. 

Liam left his fork down and stared at Louis with the seriousness he believed that was appropriate for the moment. Louis wanted to just close his eyes and have someone magically resolve every little problem. “About what?” 

“About how to deal with whatever is happening.” 

“So you admit that something is happening.” 

“All I’m saying is that I need to find a way to deal with whatever is happening right now.” 

Liam nodded and picked up his fork again. “I think your date with Chad was a good start, even if it won’t lead to anything more. You put yourself out there, and that’s brave, Lou. Maybe you could go on another date; be more open to it this time.” 

Louis shook his head. Going on another date -one that wouldn’t be interesting to him, because his mind would be stuck on Harry- seemed like such a bad idea. But on the other hand, it was a way to start realising that what he and Harry shared was casual and nothing sort of romantic. If he kept going out with other men, especially with Harry’s blessing and support, maybe his brain would finally catch up.  Maybe he would finally realise that they were nothing but friends, helping each other out whenever they were horny. 

“Do you...um…do you have anyone else in mind?” Louis asked, rubbing his neck awkwardly. 

Liam smiled and nodded enthusiastically. “That’s my boy. Yes. Well, I don't, but Niall has this cousin and...” 

Louis didn’t listen much about the cousin -bad sign- but in the end he agreed to meet him in a casual setting and decide whether he wanted to maybe go for it, if the bloke was interested in Louis as well. He should have known that agreeing to something like that, when he felt vulnerable and under the influence of wine, was a bad idea, but Louis was desperate to make his life work again. And if that meant a couple of bad dates to get Harry as a potential partner out of his mind, then so be it. 

 

~*~

 

When Liam informed Niall that Louis was finally interested in dating again, Niall had screeched and spent twenty minutes showing future suitors to Louis, who had already regretted agreeing to whatever blind dates his friends would send him. The first person Niall suggested was indeed his cousin. His name was Phil and he was Mr. Perfect. He was working as a nurse and was studying to get his degree in neurology. He was tall, had brown hair and blue eyes, and a very dreamy jaw. Overall, Louis should find him attractive, but he found himself not caring at all. 

Niall and Liam had decided that letting Phil and Louis go out just the two of them would be better than meeting on a group night out and Louis had agreed with them, finding himself surprised that they were logical for once. Last thing he needed was the two of them mingling in his business and forcing things. The fact that Louis was open to dating didn’t mean he was actually interested in Phil or any guy that Niall and Liam had in line for him. However, Louis was nothing if not determined to move on from his obsession with Harry, even if that meant going out on dates with people he wasn’t attracted to. Fake it until you make it and all. 

Having a vague idea of what Phil looked like from the Facebook stalking he did with Niall on his side, Louis stepped into the café where he and Phil had agreed to meet over the phone, feeling nothing but anxious to get this over with. He knew it was rude from his part and also a bit pointless being there, given that he didn’t care to make an effort, but Louis Tomlinson had always been stubborn, so there was no way he would back down now. 

He saw Phil sitting at a table close to the window, and he approached him with small steps, not knowing if Phil himself had any idea what Louis looked like. From the dazzling smile he gave him as soon as he saw him, Louis guessed that he had done his own research. Well, it wasn’t a surprise that in 2017, blind dates were as dead as they could get. 

“Hi,” Phil said, standing up to greet Louis with a one-armed hug, before he politely pulled the seat for him to sit. “How are you?” 

“I’m fine,” Louis replied sitting down and watching Phil returning to his seat with the confidence of a man who seemed to never get awkward or shy. Not even when he was out on a blind date. “Nice to meet you in person.” 

“Not going to lie, your pictures don’t do you justice,” Phil said leaning forward like he was telling Louis a secret. 

Louis decided to not ponder whether this was a compliment or not and to tease his date to ease his own nerves. “Do you mean I look ugly in pictures?” he joked. 

Phil didn’t seem to be shaken by Louis’ wit, and that was a positive reaction, one that Louis valued in people who came in contact with him. Louis had a sharp tongue and sometimes people took offense, so finding someone who wasn’t turned off by his casual teasing nature had been proven to be quite the task at times.

“I mean you look incredible in person, and I wish Niall had told me earlier, so I was prepared.” 

“What do you mean prepared?” 

“I mean I’m kind of sweating now.” 

Louis rolled his eyes, because the guy was obviously lying -he seemed more cocky than anything else- and on top of that that Louis was feeling like Phil was trying a bit hard to charm him in a way that was not genuine. As if his lines were rehearsed and been told to all of his previous dates before. Point taken back.  

“I think you’ll be fine, Phil,” Louis dismissed him and clapped his hands once, before he set them on the table. “So what are you having?” 

“Espresso. Can’t go about my day without ten of them. Espresso and coke is what keeps me alive during exam period.” 

Louis blinked a couple of times, trying to understand if Phil meant coke the soft drink or coke the drug. He certainly didn’t mean the drug, right? Who in their right mind would open up a discussion on the first date with “Hey, I do hard drugs when I have to study”? Louis opened his mouth to ask, although he hadn’t formed a polite and appropriate question in his head yet, but he was interrupted by the waiter, who approached them with a notebook in hand and bored expression on his face. 

“Hi,” he directed his greeting to the new customer at the table, which was Louis, “can I get you anything?” 

Louis, who hadn’t had the time to study a menu, settled for simple black tea with a splash of milk and a chocolate muffin. The waiter jotted down Louis’ order and walked away. Louis found himself staring at the drag of the waiter's retreating steps. Suddenly, Louis was too aware that this was an actual date with a guy he didn’t know at all, who possibly used drugs to keep himself active during exam periods, and who was looking at Louis with a big, expectant smile. Fuck Niall; Louis would kill him. Also fuck himself for letting his friends convince him that dating strangers was remotely a good idea. 

“So what do you do?” Phil asked, taking a small sip of his tiny espresso. “Niall told me you write?” 

Louis shook his head, shaking off any other thoughts he had at the moment. Since he was already there, he might as well make an effort to have a nice time, even if he had already decided that he would delete Phil’s number right after he’d leave this cafe and would tell Niall to never try to set him up with anyone again. Ever. At all.

The date went on to not be a complete disaster, even if Louis was put off by Phil’s character and the fact that he was trying way too hard to impress Louis with every little thing he was doing. “Oh, I play lacrosse, but it’s not big deal. Our team was second in the recreational championship. No big deal” or “once I worked for twenty hours straight, but no physical exhaustion could stop me from reaching out and helping that poor little girl with the broken leg. ‘Uncle Phil’ she called me and she still visits me, two years later.” The fake tears were an added bonus in Louis’ list of reasons Phil was a tool. 

However, Phil was somewhat attentive to what Louis had to say. He listened with interest when Louis explained what he does as a job, when he said his dream is to write about sociopolitical issues one day, mainly focusing on the lgbt+ community. But there was something off during the whole night, and it wasn’t just Phil’s character. Louis had dated people with way worse personalities, who had managed to keep him engaged, but Louis’ mind was already traveling. He couldn’t lie to himself ; he kept thinking about Harry. 

He and Harry were on shaky terms after Louis’ date with Chad that had ended with Louis at Harry’s place. They were still talking and they had gone out with the boys a couple of times, but none of them had reached out and made an effort to get together alone, and they surely hadn’t done anything sexual at all. Louis… he was missing Harry a lot. He didn’t know if Harry was pissed off that Louis had gone on a date, even though he seemed okay with it. Or if he had assumed that Louis wanted to stop their arrangement, because Louis had never said that, maybe Harry wanted that though. Because being angry about Louis’ dating life was highly unlikely. For Harry, Louis was nothing but his best friend. He didn’t care if Louis was going out with other men. Right? Yes. In fact, Louis was sure he’d encourage him if he knew he was on another date right now. 

Instinctively, Louis’ hand reached for his phone, which he had placed on the table as soon as he had sat down, in order to check if he had any messages or missed calls. Even if his hope was that he would see Harry’s contact ID, when he unlocked his phone, he was still surprised to see that his hope had become a reality. He excused himself, interrupting Phil’s monologue about his achievements as a singer in a rock band during sixth form, and he opened the message from Harry. 

 

**Hey, baby, missed you. Can I call?**

 

Louis gulped, because Harry never called him baby unless his intentions were to get him into bed. He checked when the message was sent.  It had barely been ten minutes. Louis’ heart woke up suddenly, beating faster. Now he was actually feeling nervous and was sweating, the prospect of Harry making his breath short and heavy. 

“Do you mind if I go to the restroom a minute?” Louis asked Phil, who stared at him with his mouth gaping, seeming a little offended that Louis interrupted him. 

“Is everything alright?” 

“Yeah,” Louis shrugged, already standing up, “I just need to use the bathroom and make a quick call. I won’t be long.”

“Alright,” Phil said, looking a little confused by Louis’ sudden urgency in the way he spoke and moved. 

Louis didn’t care enough to stay and make up a better excuse. He grabbed his phone and ran to the restroom, locking himself inside a single stall, before he went back to Harry’s message and pressed the button to make the call. It rang three times, before Harry picked up, and Louis felt his whole body shivering with anticipation to listen to that sweet, smooth voice. 

“Hey, babe, finally,” Harry said. His voice was lower than usual and he was slurring the words together, which meant he was either very very horny or drunk. Louis knew very well what he wished for. “Where were you?” 

“I’m out,” Louis croaked, unable to control his voice when he was hearing Harry already so desperate for something he hadn’t asked yet. “I’m-” He didn’t know if he should say he was on a date, but on the other hand there was no reason to lie. “I’m on a date,” he finally said, whispering the final word, as if it was a secret he was afraid to admit. 

“With that Chuck?” Harry sounded more serious, as if he had pressed a button and changed his mood according to the discussion. 

“Chad,” Louis corrected him. “And no. I don’t think I’ll ever meet Chad again. I’m on a date with one of Niall’s cousins.” 

“Seriously?” Harry asked and then chuckled awkwardly. “Funny how no one told me anything.” 

“Why would we?” Louis questioned back. Since when did Louis have to tell every little thing to Harry? Yes, they were best friends and they used to share every single detail of their lives, but truth was things have changed drastically. Louis shook his head, disappointed in himself that he let that slip out. “I’m sorry. You’re right. I’m sorry for not telling you.” He felt more ashamed of his thoughts actually. Letting his feelings, irrational jealousy, and false hopes destroy this friendship was the worst thing he could have done to both of them. 

“Is it going well?” 

Louis sighed and rested his head on the stall wall behind him, ignoring how disgusting it probably was. “No. He is-”  _ Not you _ . “He is weird and obnoxious.” 

“You deserve better than that, Lou. Why would you go out with someone like that?” 

“It’s a blind date, it’s not like I knew him before. Besides, I gotta get out of the house, throw myself out there, you know.” 

Harry kept silent for a moment and Louis swore he could listen his own heart beating. He wanted Harry to ask him to leave, he wanted to listen to Harry telling him that there was no reason to date other men, because Harry was there for him. He wanted to give up on trying to move on, he wanted to stay glued in this situation, because being with Harry in any capacity was better than anything else. Fuck, he was so pathetic, it was painful to even think about it. No wonder Harry couldn’t fall in love with him, he was a sad excuse of a human being. 

“If that’s what you want,” Harry murmured.

Louis tried not to let disappointment show when he spoke back. “So why did you call?” Harry took a sharp breath but didn’t reply. Louis waited for a moment, before he insisted, making his voice softer, hoping to encourage him to tell him. “Haz, will you tell me?” 

“I’m- I’m fucking horny, Lou. I’ve missed you so much, it’s been so long, since we saw each other. And yeah… I took a nap after work, and I had a dream and woke up hard, because of you.” 

Louis had to search his brain to find again the ability to swallow, breathe, and talk. “Because of me?” 

“You, baby. You were doing amazing things in my dream,” Harry said and his voice went back to the sexy slur he used when he answered the phone. “So I thought I’d call you. See if you’re up for it, but too bad you’re out on a date with someone else. I’m wondering though,” he paused and Louis knew very well he was doing it on purpose, knowing how the anticipation was making Louis desperate, “will this date of yours eat your ass until you’re sobbing on the pillow like I was planning to?” 

“Jesus fucking Christ, Harry,” Louis inhaled sharply, his hand moving towards his crotch, his cock giving an interested twitch. He was in a public restroom for fuck’s sake, why did Harry have to do that to him? “What- what do you want me to do?” In his mind, Louis had already decided that he would cut his date short and he was planning to be at Harry’s place in the next half hour, but he needed to hear it from Harry.

“I want you to come over, babe. I need you. Say that something came up. Pun intended.” 

“Shut up,” Louis groaned. “Alright. I’ll be there in thirty.” 

Louis hung up the phone and got out of the stall, steps heavy and trying to think of an excuse that wouldn’t sound stupid and obvious. Especially because word would get back to Niall and he didn’t want to have him and Liam chewing his ears off for the next month. He stood in front of the mirror and stared back at his reflection, his cheeks rosy from all the blood rushing to his head, and his eyes glazed with desire for the man who was waiting for him. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath and then another one. 

Forty-five minutes later he was ringing Harry’s door bell. 

 

~*~ 

 

Once was a mistake, but a mistake repeated twice was a decision and Louis knew very well, he was the only person responsible for his decisions, but that couldn’t stop him from standing in front of Harry’s door, waiting to be let in. He wondered how desperate he looked that he dropped everything he was doing, just to run to Harry, after a phone call. And this wasn’t the first time. He wondered if Harry had noticed or if, for him, it was only normal that Louis would always put him first. 

The door opened and Louis’ brain stopped functioning for a second, because Harry was standing in front of him half-naked, only a towel covering the goods, and Louis… well, Louis would never get used to the vision of Harry’s ethereal beauty in all its glory. He didn’t have time to process any of his thoughts or emotions, before Harry’s large hand reached for the front of his T-shirt and pulled him inside the flat, banging the door closed and pinning Louis against it for a hot kiss. Harry smelt of sweat and Louis felt weak in his knees. He was going probably crazy loving someone’s sweaty scent. He was so damn horny for this boy. 

“Took you long enough,” Harry murmured against the skin of Louis’ neck, biting and sucking.

“I had to think of an excuse and say goodbye, Haz. But I’m here; I’m with you now.” 

Harry nodded, resting his forehead on Louis’, eyes intense, piercing deep into Louis’ soul. “You’re here,” Harry repeated like he had to say it to believe it. Like Louis wasn’t always available for him. “That’s what matters.”

They kissed again, Harry’s lips were more reserved now, but his hands weren’t quite as shy. One hand moved to rest on the swell of Louis’ arse, thumb stroking the exposed skin above his jeans. His right hand found Louis’ and pulled it to rest against Harry’s torso. Louis felt the way Harry’s muscles tensed and loosened with each erratic breath. Slowly but with confidence, Louis moved his hand down, until he could graze Harry’s hard cock with his knuckles ; the only thing separating them was the damn towel. 

“Were you about to take a shower?” Louis asked noticing that Harry was actually dry. 

“Aha. I thought that maybe I should wait for you in case you want to join.” 

“You’re calling me dirty? Brought me here to make me take a shower?” 

“Babe,” Harry said with a serious face. “If anything that shower will make you dirtier.” Every single word that came out of his mouth sounded like a promise and Louis would hold on to that the whole night, knowing very well that Harry would do everything to make him feel good. They kissed for a little bit, not so eagerly as before, but with intent, nevertheless, and Louis was growing hot inside his clothes and jacket. He halted the movement of his hand, which was stroking Harry’s hard-on above the towel, and stared at Harry’s green eyes. 

“Will you take me for that shower?” he asked licking his lips and imagining what Harry had in mind for the rest of the afternoon. 

“Sure. But maybe you want to eat something first? Did that date of yours treat you to anything?” 

Louis nodded, hating the idea of talking about dating other men, while he was about to drop to his knees and let Harry have his way with him, like he so desperately needed. “I’m fine. I just want you, Haz.” 

“Okay, Lou. Come on, follow me.” Harry took Louis by the hand and led him farther inside the flat and towards his room. The shower in the ensuite was the biggest one in the house, and Louis was thankful they were choosing that one, because no matter how turned on he was and how much he was anticipating to see what Harry’s plans were, shower sex was still uncomfortable if done in a crappy shower like his, for example. 

Once they were inside the bathroom, Harry turned around and took matters upon his hands, undressing Louis slowly. Although, the intention behind it was to get Louis naked for sex, Louis still felt like he was being taken care of, almost as if every brush of Harry’s fingers was affectionate. Silly, in love Louis, who got choked up with the way Harry’s every single touch showed a new reverence towards Louis’ naked body. 

Harry dropped to his knees and kissed Louis’ thighs and belly, avoiding his crotch, but Louis didn’t mind, not when Harry’s eyes looked up, pure and loving. Or at least Louis could pretend. “You are so beautiful, how are you real?” And fuck Harry. Fuck him for saying things like that and fueling Louis’ fantasies for a happily ever after that would never come. 

Louis placed a gentle hand on Harry’s face, marveling the pale skin and red lips, the prominent cheekbones and strong jaw, and wondering if Harry had any idea how beautiful he was himself. How the vision of him was haunting Louis’ thoughts every waking moment. Louis loved him. He loved him more than any words could express and he physically had to stop himself, biting down his tongue and keeping the little L word from spilling out. 

“Come on, the water will get cold,” Louis said, instead, and he pulled Harry gently to prompt him to stand up. Harry did so, getting in the shower and opening the tab. He made sure that the water had the right temperature before he invited Louis to join him. 

The warm water was refreshing on Louis’ skin, even if he looked like a wet puppy, as he guessed. It was alright, Harry had seen him in a worse state than that. Louis expected Harry to go straight into action, but, instead, Harry opened the bottle of shampoo and put some in his palm before he started massaging Louis’ hair. 

“Now you’ll smell like coconut, too.” 

“But I love my honey and milk shampoo!” Louis fake-whined. “You ruined my scent.” 

“Nah, I fixed it. Now you smell like me. And next time I’m taking a shower at your place, I’ll use all your honey and milk shampoo, so that I smell like you.” 

Louis stared at Harry gobsmacked, trying to make some sense, understand why Harry kept saying things like that, things that didn’t belong to a friends with benefits situation. Things that Louis hadn’t heard from a boyfriend before. Things that Louis had never even thought about another man in his life. Harry ignored Louis’ face and pushed him gently to turn around, lathering his hair with a second dose of shampoo and doing a more thorough job massaging his scalp. Louis sighed and rested his weight against Harry, needing to feel the naked skin against his. 

Harry washed the white foam out of Louis’ hair and he moved his hands from his head down to his shoulders. Louis let out a moan, as Harry kneaded the tense muscles there, making slow work down to his lower back and pressing the two dimples at the bottom of Louis’ spine. 

“Fuck,” Louis sighed as he felt some of the pain relieved. “This feels so good, Haz.” 

Harry hummed and leaned down to kiss Louis’ neck tenderly. He peppered him with kisses while he kept massaging him, lower and lower, until his fingertips reached Louis’ arse. “Can I, babe?” Harry asked for permission to keep going. Louis whispered his agreement and Harry didn’t miss a beat, moving two fingers between Louis’ cheeks, grazing his rim gently, but not quite attempting to push inside. Harry seemed more interested in focusing on decorating Louis’ skin with hickeys, sucking and biting his neck just enough to mark him up.

“More,” Louis whimpered, turning his head to steal a kiss. Harry didn’t reply, he complied to Louis’ request, pushing one finger tip inside Louis’ hole, and making slow work against the almost dry ache, only water minimising the friction. Louis would be lying if he said that sometimes he didn’t enjoy a bit of pain mixed with pleasure, and this was one of those instances. Harry was always careful with him,  so Louis didn’t have to worry about getting hurt. 

Harry moved his hand with caution, aiming to open Louis up, but not adding a second finger yet. Louis wondered if he was planning on finishing him off inside the shower or not, because Harry was taking his sweet time, but the water was starting to get cold. Louis’ hand rested on Harry’s, which was wrapped around Louis’ waist, to keep him upright, and he squeezed it gently to get his attention. 

“What’s wrong, Lou?” Harry asked, halting his movement. 

“Cold,” Louis stuttered. 

Harry smiled fondly and  pulled his finger out, reaching to close the tab. “Let’s get this back to my bed, what do you think?” 

“Please, before I die.” 

Harry got out of the shower and returned quickly, holding a big fuzzy towel, which he draped over Louis’ shoulders. He grabbed another smaller one and dried Louis’ hair by rubbing it all over his head. Louis chuckled -no, he did not giggle- and he had to push Harry gently to let him go. 

“Better?” Harry asked. 

Louis nodded and  followed Harry back to the bedroom, feeling warmer now that the heat of the room hit his skin. Harry came to stand behind Louis, wrapping his arms above Louis’ shoulders and down to his torso, Harry’s own body covered by a bathrobe. He pressed his lips on Louis’ ear, nibbling the lobe, sending shivers down Louis’ spine and arms, shivers that were much stronger than the ones he had felt because of the cold water. 

“Harry, please, let’s just- ‘M hard.” 

“I know,” Harry chuckled softly. “Go lay on the bed, and I’ll be there in a moment.” Louis rid himself from the towel and followed Harry’s orders, jumping on the comfortable mattress and cozying up between the covers and pillows. “On your front,” Harry said as he walked towards the door, getting naked. He seemed to be as hard as Louis was. “Pillow under your hips, sweetheart.” He walked out the room, leaving Louis alone to get in the position he was told. 

Louis had barely relaxed, stretching his arms to reach for the headboard, playing with the metal bars and creating patterns to get his mind off his erection digging in the soft pillow, before Harry returned with fast steps. A second later the mattress dipped and Louis felt tender fingertips caressing his back, setting a path that soft lips followed. Although Louis was achingly hard, he enjoyed the slow moments, the moments he could pretend this was something more than quick hook-ups with his best friend, just to relieve the tension. 

“I have seen nothing like you before,” Harry said hoarsely, his breath hitting Louis’ lower back. Louis felt a quick lick there, right above his crack, before Harry pushed his thighs apart and sat himself between them. His large hands massaged Louis’ muscles, keeping his cheeks apart and revealing his hole. Louis knew what was coming, but he still let out a soft cry, when he felt Harry’s tongue licking a line from his balls up to his hole, placing small kisses and kittenlicks around Louis’ rim. 

The handholds around the metal bars of the bedhead became tighter, as Louis lost all control of his body, becoming pliant under Harry’s mouth. Harry was working his body like he knew it better than Louis himself. His skin started burning again, the sensation of having Harry’s tongue inside him distracting him from his borderline painful erection rubbing against Harry’s insanely expensive, cotton pillowcase. Louis felt like a powerless mess, too hot to care about how loud his moans were. Not when Harry was doing his best to bring him over the edge, probing his tongue inside him while circling his rim with two fingers. 

“Fuck, Harry, I need to come. I need-” 

Harry stopped, but didn’t pull away. “What do you need, baby?” 

“Don’t fucking stop, Jesus Christ, are you insane?” Louis whipped his head around to glare at Harry,  whose cheeks were blotchy and red, and lips swollen and shiny by his own spit. Louis reached for him, placing a gentle hand on his cheek, stroking the strong, probably aching jaw, before he pushed him to go back to what he was doing. He heard Harry’s muffled laughter, feeling the hot breath hitting his exposed hole, before Harry picked up from where he left off. “Fuck, yes!” Louis cried, pushing against Harry’s face, riding his tongue with smooth movements. “I’m close.” 

Harry placed a hand on Louis’ thigh, to keep him steady, as he added two slicked up fingers next to his tongue, forcing the loudest moan Louis had ever heard come out of his mouth. Harry moved his hand languidly, just enough to open up Louis rather than finish him off. As much as Louis loved those slow moments, he was desperate to come, had been hard for  so long  now. 

“Can I touch myself? I need to come now, Haz,” Louis whined, too needy now to feel embarrassed.  

Harry pulled away again, this time completely, and he climbed up Louis’ body. “Don’t you want to come on my cock, babe?” 

Louis nodded, reaching to lick Harry’s lips. “Anything you want, just get me off, Harry, please, I need it, I need you.” 

“I know, my baby, just give me a moment.” 

He disappeared for a second, a long second that could be an hour in Louis’ head. Louis hid his face in the pillow, taking in the familiar scent of Harry’s detergent and a faint trace of his cologne. Harry returned, aligning himself to Louis’ hole, pushing in slowly and splitting Louis in two. No matter how much Harry had prepped him, and to be honest this time it probably wasn’t as thorough as other times, he still felt a burning ache when Harry bottomed out completely. 

“Give me a moment, Haz,” Louis asked and, of course, Harry complied, stilling his movements and peppering Louis with kisses all over his neck and upper back, until he was ready for him to move. Louis gave the signal by starting to grind against the sheets slowly, pushing back to get more of Harry, who moaned and started to move experimentally, before he realised that Louis was ready for him. 

“It will never get old how tight you feel, Lou. I swear to God, I’ve never had anyone like you. So hot, so beautiful, so perfect.” 

Louis ignored his words, because if he took them seriously, he would never recover from the trance Harry’s voice put him under. He would never be able to go back to his flat and pretend that he didn’t miss Harry every moment he was away from him. He was in love with his best friend and he hated how he spewed those words like they meant nothing to him, when they meant the world to Louis. 

“Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me,” Louis chanted, reaching for his own cock, trapped between his body and the pillow, wrapping his hand around it and tagging it hard and fast in order to come as fast as possible. His lungs couldn’t take anymore of the overwhelming scent, his skin burned under Harry’s touch, his heart too weak to beat so fast. “Please, fuck me harder.” 

Harry mastered up all of his strength, picking up his pace and aiming to hit that sweet spot inside Louis. He managed to find his prostate after a few failed thrusts, making Louis wail out loud, tears escaping his eyes, as he bit his tongue hard to not scream his love for Harry. Louis hadn’t even realised he came somewhere between his sobs, until he relaxed back on the bed, pliant and exhausted, falling on his own puddle of release and smearing the come against his belly. 

Suddenly, Harry pulled out and Louis felt himself being hoisted up and turned around to lay on his back. Harry was holding his still hard, condom-covered cock, in his hand, stroking it lazily. He leaned down, kissing Louis’ flushed cheeks, wiping away the tears with his lips, while he removed the condom with one hand. 

“Come on me,” Louis whispered, too tired to have any intensity behind his voice, but it was loud enough for Harry to listen to him and groan, as he stroked himself to orgasm, coming all over Louis’ belly, adding to the mess that Louis had made. Louis drunk Harry’s moans with a kiss, one that started filthy, but turned soft and tender, as Harry came out of his high, relaxing next to Louis, but never detaching his lips from his. 

They spend some time in their mess, making out and caressing each other’s skin. Louis could almost forget he would go home alone eventually. He could almost forget he couldn’t wake up there in the morning to make breakfast for Harry and say  _ I love you _ , before he’d leave. He could almost forget, but he couldn’t. Not when his heart was aching for more. Trying to not offend Harry, he pushed him away gently, and lied on his back, staring at the ceiling and contemplating whether he should leave or prolong this pretense by staying one more night. 

Maybe Louis wasn’t as subtle as he was hoping, because Harry turned on his side, reaching for Louis’ hair and pushing it away from his face. “Are you okay?” 

“Yes,” Louis lied. It sounded obvious to his own ears, there was no way Harry wouldn’t be able to tell. Louis was surprised that he had lost his ability to lie. Maybe he was too tired of lying and pretending anymore.

“You’re not.” 

“I’m okay, Haz,” Louis gave him a half-smile, hoping it was reassuring. “Just tired.” 

Harry didn’t want to let go. “Is it about the ruined date? I’m sorry if you felt pressured to come, that wasn’t what I wanted. I just thought you didn’t really like the bloke.” 

“I didn’t.” 

“Yeah, so…” Harry went back to lying on his back, mimicking Louis’ position and staring at the white ceiling above, only a patch of skin connecting them, where Harry’s arm pressed against Louis’. “Dating. It’s a thing you’ve been doing a lot.” 

Louis didn’t expect Harry to open up that discussion, and if he was being honest, he didn’t want him to. But at the same time he knew it might have been time to be honest about some things. Not his feelings, he wasn’t brave enough to bare himself in front of Harry like that, but maybe he should discuss the fact that he was dating other men. Although they’ve never really agreed to inform each other, Louis thought it would be the decent thing to do. 

“Yeah, I guess. I am open to dating.” 

“Yeah, I understand. I just didn’t know it was a thing you were doing with so many people.” 

Louis furrowed his brows and turned to stare at Harry’s beautiful profile. “Are you trying to slut-shame me for going out on two dates?” 

“What the hell? No!” Harry rushed to clarify, sounding a bit offended that Louis made that assumption. Harry was staring right back at Louis, green eyes fiercely ripping Louis’ heart in pieces little by little. “It just seems- it looks like you’re looking for someone.” 

Louis couldn’t look at Harry any longer. “I am just dating,” he said darting his eyes away. “Like you do. It’s not like we’re exclusive, right?”

“No, we never said we are. I mean I haven’t dated anyone in a long time, but you are totally allowed to date anyone you want.” 

“Yeah, okay, thanks.” Louis didn’t want to discuss this anymore. Listening to Harry giving his blessing to Louis to find another man only reminded him that they were nothing but friends, they would never be anything more than that and he was stupid for even hoping. 

“Next time tell me though. I am your friend, Lou.” Harry sounded hurt and Louis wanted to run or lay on the street waiting for a truck to run him over. 

He hated when he let his feelings hurt Harry, because his friend had no idea about those feelings. It wasn’t like Harry knew Louis was in love with him and was ignoring it. But at the same time, Louis had trouble controlling his own emotions, the way his throat restricted all air from his lungs, whenever he was close to Harry and he couldn’t kiss him or offer him a tender touch. 

He resorted in a quick agreement. “I will, Haz, promise.” 

They stayed in an awkward silence that left Louis wondering if it would be for the best to get up and leave, ignore the discussion, and act like it had never happened. They had grown quite capable of doing that lately, and Louis wasn’t really ready to change that. He took a big breath, planning to get up and go back in the ensuite for a shower, before he’d go home, when Harry opened his mouth again. 

“We’re friends, right? This hasn’t changed.” 

Louis didn’t turn to look at him. “Of course not.” Louis Tomlinson was a big, fat liar. 

“It’s not like you and I would ever work.” Harry’s voice hid a soft chuckle behind, tone airy and casual, as the words broke Louis in a million pieces. He felt like he was bleeding, emptying from any feelings or emotions. Numb. 

Harry had just admitted that there was no way they would ever be anything more than friends. Louis felt crushed, because he shouldn’t be still in love with him, he should get over him, he should laugh his stupid crush off and move on, find another man, and stop dreaming of fairytale endings. He turned on his side, his back towards Harry, and he closed his eyes, swallowing down his tears and disappointment. He wished he could leave right away, but he didn’t want Harry to notice the state he was in. Or maybe he was finding excuses again. 

“I guess we wouldn’t,” he whispered, trying to keep his voice steady. He faked a yawn, not caring to be convincing. “I am tired, Haz. I better get some sleep, before I go back home. Promise, I’ll leave later tonight.” 

Louis felt the ghost of Harry’s hand on his back, barely touching him for a split of second, before the mattress moved. He didn’t turn his head to see whether Harry was still there or not. It didn’t matter anyway. Feeling crushed and exhausted, he took a deep breath and hoped for sleep to come fast, give him a few moments to recollect himself, before he’d have to wake up and face reality. He was drifting away, when he thought he heard Harry talking. It wasn’t louder than a whisper. 

“You can stay as long as you want.” 

Louis felt a single tear running down his cheek and staining the pillow. It wasn’t real, it was probably his imagination, his desire creating scenarios in his head. He shook his head and focused on falling asleep, ignoring the way his head played games with him. 

_ Please. Stay. _

 

~*~ 

 

Somehow Louis’ life didn’t end after he woke up and left Harry’s house. A good nap and some self-reflection helped him realise that he couldn’t bring his misery in to his friendship with Harry. And although he was feeling like he was missing something, whenever they were around each other, he allowed himself to enjoy his friend’s company, even if some nights he would stay awake replaying that moment in his head again and again. The one when Harry finally said out loud what Louis had been fearing from the moment he fell into bed with Harry. He and Harry would never be a couple, because they simply wouldn’t work out. Or so Harry thought. Maybe he was right, maybe Louis should find a way to get it into his thick skull and move on. 

The dating plan had obviously failed, so he refused to see any of the other people that Niall and Liam tried to introduce him to. After sending a very nice message to Phil, explaining that he wasn’t interested in dating anyone at the moment -maybe the first time someone said this excuse and meant it- and receiving a passive-aggressive reply about how it would be his loss, Louis vowed to devoting himself to his work and not let himself lose focus like that again. 

That was how he found himself in the convenient store on a Monday night, having forgotten to stock his house with food and snacks, in order to lock himself inside and finish an article about Fashion Week’s worst trends. He had no idea why Louis was always stuck writing about fashion atrocities lately, he was starting to worry that they were given him these pieces as a hint for his own wardrobe, but how could someone go wrong with simple sweaters and jeans? 

Pushing the trolley around, Louis was trying to be a responsible adult and put a few healthy stuff among the countless amounts of candy and crisps he was planning to survive on for the whole week. He would be lying if he said he wasn’t feeling tired after the day he had at the office and the boring meetings he had to attend to discuss the dive in sales of print copies, as if Louis and his meaningless articles about ugly clothes could help at all. He stood in front of the aisle with soft drinks and he contemplated whether he should buy Coke or not. He had never been a fan, but for some reason he was craving the sugary drink. 

“Can I- Excuse me,” a man said, catching Louis’ attention. 

Louis turned his head, confused as to who was talking to him and why? It was a man, slightly taller than Louis. He looked young, roughly twenty-four or twenty-five, and he had a perfect smile, which he was showing to Louis. 

“Excuse me, can I get that?” he asked without taking his eyes from Louis. 

That didn’t clear up Louis’ confusion at all, unfamiliar with the concept of strangers chatting Louis up in a convenience store. “Get what?” 

“Coke.” 

“What?” 

“You’re standing in front of the brand I want,” the man nodded towards the neat lines of the bottles of soft drinks in front of them, and then Louis realised what he was talking about. “Sorry for the inconvenience,” he said bending down to pick up two bottles, when Louis stepped aside to make room for him. 

“No, it’s okay, my fault,” Louis replied, deciding he didn’t want to buy anything else and maybe it was time to head to the cashier. He pushed the trolley to move passed the man, who was still staring at him. 

“Are you from the neighbourhood?” the man asked last minute, stopping Louis’ movement, who for some reason paused to entertain the stranger. 

“Yes, I live down the road,” Louis said. “You?” 

“I’m new. Just moved in the building across the store.” He extended his hand for a greeting, widening his grin. “I’m Alfie.” 

“Louis.” He took his hand and shook it firmly for a moment. “Welcome to the neighbourhood. Do you like it so far?” 

Alfie shrugged, his smile turning to a playful smirk. He wasn’t exactly cute, but Louis didn’t feel like he wanted to run, so he decided to entertain the situation. “It’s nice so far. But it’s almost impossible to find a parking spot.” 

“You’re in London, mate,” Louis teased him. “Be happy you survive this traffic, I gave up my car years ago. Now I am forcing my friends to drive me around.” 

“Smart.” 

Louis pushed the trolley again and this time Alfie followed his lead, walking by his side, holding a shopping basket, filled with healthy stuff that Louis would never even put in his mouth. They stood in the same line for the cashier, Alfie offering Louis to go first even though he had more things inside his trolley. 

“So…” Louis decided to make small talk as they waited, “what brought you to our side of the city?” 

“My work relocated me and I thought it would be better to be close to work. I’m not a morning person, I can’t deal with waking up at six in the morning.” 

“I feel you, trust me,” Louis nodded. “What do you do?” 

“I’m working for a software developing company. I’m just writing lots and lots of codes, half of them turn out to have a tiny mistake that messes up everything I’ve worked for days. You know, boring stuff.” 

“Not going to lie, Al. It sounds as exciting as writing about headscarves or jean boots.”  

Alfie furrowed his eyebrows, waiting for a clarification. “I’m trying to understand what job description would include this.” 

“I’m a writer for a fashion magazine. Think of Vogue; its third cousin that lives to trash talk others and has no class at all.” 

That prompted a loud laugh from Alfie, who threw his head back and held his stomach. “Alright, that was a good one. You’re fun, Louis.” 

“That’s what I’ve been told, but stand-up comedy doesn’t pay the 35p per word. I know, crazy money, living the luxurious life.” 

“Trust me, I know.” 

It was Louis’ turn to pay for his shopping, giving his card since he had no cash on him, and putting everything in two overstuffed plastic bags, cursing himself that he forgot the fabric shopping bags that Harry had left at his place for him. Just remembering his name made Louis feel a pang inside his chest. He missed Harry. Although they kept texting and talking like nothing had happened, they hadn’t been with each other alone, since that afternoon, when they had sex for the last time, and Louis’ body and mind was aching for him. 

The cashier helped him put the last candy bars in one of the bags, thanking him politely. Louis returned the pleasantries and turned to look at Alfie, who had put his own things on the counter. 

“It was nice meeting you, see you around, Alfie.” 

Alfie opened his mouth as to say something, but then he took a deep breath to stop himself. Louis would normally not care about a stranger and what they wanted to say to him, he had settled with his friends a long time ago and he wasn’t interested in making new ones. But maybe it was a wrong approach to life, maybe he should be more open to new people. 

“Did- do you want to tell me something?” Louis encouraged the man. 

Alfie started putting his things in shopping bags; however, he seemed willing to keep talking with Louis. “I don’t know how to ask this without sounding like a creep.” 

Louis left his own bags on the ground and he helped Alfie with his shopping. “Hey, you have nothing to lose, right? It’s not like we live in the same neighbourhood.” 

Alfie huffed and licked his lips, before he turned his body in order to give his full attention to Louis, when he spoke to him. “I was wondering if you’d like to exchange numbers? Maybe… um… go out?” 

Louis never wanted to assume, but he kind of expected it, so he smiled as warmly as he could and shrugged a shoulder. “It doesn’t sound as creepy as you think. I mean you could be a murderer and all, but oh well, life is a risk.” 

The dilemma was in front of him. He could accept this invitation of a cute stranger, who had the guts to approach him while they were shopping at the convenience store, overcoming the awkwardness these encounters always entailed. He could go out on a date and give himself another chance to get over Harry and his unfair crush on him that was putting so much weight on their friendship, slowly ruining it, or he could stay at home, write shitty articles, eat junk food and wait for a miracle that would never come. 

“Sure,” Louis said, voice a tad more unsure than before. He wasn’t sure if this was the right choice, but he had to keep trying., He had to do it for the sake of his sanity and for Harry’s sake, who deserved a better friend that the one Louis was at the moment. “Give me your phone and I’ll put my number in.” 

Alfie rushed to find his phone in his jeans’ pocket, giving it to Louis, who punched the digits of his number and saved it, making a call to himself in order to have Alfie’s number, too. 

“I’ll wait for a text. Take me somewhere fun, Al, don’t disappoint me.” 

“Aren’t you supposed to take me out, show me the area?” 

Louis shrugged and bent to lift his shopping bags, knowing it was time to cut the interaction short and get home. “Impress me first and we’ll see.” 

With that, he turned around and left the store, feeling a weird hope that maybe it was his time, maybe he would finally get out of the toxic situation he had created for himself. He could finally stop hurting himself, and Harry, and everyone around them. 

 

~*~

 

This time Louis had made sure to inform Harry that he met someone, who was interested in dating him. He texted him before he told Niall and Liam, right after Alfie asked him out to a movie and then dinner. Harry’s response was positive, wishing him the best of luck and asking questions about Alfie, leaving a bittersweet feeling to Louis. He was glad he could still talk about these things with Harry, but apparently he had never lost hope for a final grand gesture. A moment when Harry would ask him to stop seeing other men and just stay with him. That moment would never come, so his hopes would end up empty, but he still couldn’t stop dreaming of it. 

So when Harry was standing on his front door, ten minutes before Alfie was set to arrive and pick him up, Louis didn’t understand what was happening. He was certain he had told Harry about the date, the time and the fact that Alfie was picking him up. There was no reason for him to be there. Especially looking like a dream inside his comfortable yellow sweater and black skinny jeans. Hair pushed back, looking younger than his age, soft and innocent, as he bit his lip, staring at Louis. 

“What are you doing here?” Louis asked confused, instead of greeting him. 

“I thought about dropping by,” Harry murmured, staring at his pigeon-toed feet, brown boots in desperate need for replacement. “I haven’t seen you alone in a while and I was free tonight, so-” 

“I’m not free, though,” Louis interrupted him. He tried not to be irritated, but there was something in the back of his mind telling him that Harry knew perfectly well that it was Louis’ date night. Just the thought of Harry purposefully coming over right before his date in order to mess it up made Louis irrationally mad. It would be unfair of Harry to give his blessings and behave like he didn’t care, if he was planning to turn around the next moment and cancel his own words with his actions. “I am expecting Alfie at any minute, so you better go.” 

“Oh,” Harry sighed, but took a step towards Louis instead of leaving, “Alfie.” 

“Yes, Alfie. The dude I met and told you right away, like you asked me to do.” 

“Am I allowed to meet him?” 

Louis shook his head. “Absolutely not. Harry, what do you want? You’re not here for chit-chat. That hasn’t happened in ages. Unless I am mistaken we usually don’t talk when it’s just the two of us.” 

Harry frowned seeming offended. “Are you implying that I only care about hooking up?” 

How in the world was Louis able to fuck up everything? Why couldn’t he just shut up? “I’m not saying that, Haz,” he sighed. “But it feels like every single time I go out on a date, you decide to come over or call me and ruin it. I’m kind of- I just want to try to make it work.” 

Harry stood there with his mouth open for a moment and Louis wanted to take it back. He wanted to invite him in, cancel his plans and spend the night feeling Harry’s touch on his skin. But he knew that it would lead to nowhere, but him getting hurt. 

“Oh, I guess I get it. We can meet later?” 

Louis shook his head. This was the moment. If he wanted to move on, he had to cut all ties. “Maybe we shouldn’t meet like that anymore.” 

A soft chuckle left Harry’s mouth, awkward and rushed, before his face dropped, realising that Louis meant what he was saying. “You mean you don’t want to be friends anymore?” 

“No, Harry. I want to be your best friend and that’s why I think it’s better if we stop sleeping together. It’s ruining us and it’s stupid. You can get as many one-night-stands you want or a boyfriend, whatever you want. And I… I met someone.” Louis didn’t even know if his date would go well, he didn’t know if he would ever see Alfie again, but he had to say something, he couldn’t be the one left behind and hurt. He wouldn’t allow himself to play the role of the victim. “I still want to share everything with you. I want to be your friend, but it’s becoming harder and harder lately. The lines are all blurred and it’s fucking with my head.” 

Harry nodded, putting his arms behind his back and standing there unmoved. Louis wished he could get inside his head. He wondered if he was confused by Louis’ decision. He shouldn’t be. He should have seen it coming after their latest interactions. Sure, for Harry everything was okay, because he wasn’t attached to Louis, he wasn’t in love. But Louis was tired of feeling like a toy, even if it wasn’t Harry intention. He was tired of running whenever Harry would give him a call. He was tired of being a temporary fuck. 

“We can’t work like this, let’s be just friends. No benefits anymore.” 

Green eyes shot up, piercing Louis’ thoughts, making him feel exposed. He was afraid Harry was able to read his mind, see that inside him, Louis was begging for Harry to ask him to change his mind. He needed a few words and Louis would follow. Just a few words. Words that never came. 

“I understand,” Harry whispered. “It was fun while it lasted, but I guess it’s over.” 

“It is.” 

They stared at each other, Louis feeling an inexplicable pull towards Harry, one he had to try to tame. He wanted to run his fingers through his hair, kiss his lips and jaw, hug him, smell him, feel him. But he knew taking back his decision would be selfish and unfair, not to mention stupid. The intercom going off loudly from inside the apartment, made Louis jump, breaking the moment. 

“Alfie is here,” he informed Harry, before he ran back inside to buzz his date in, leaving the door open for Harry to decide whether he still wanted to stay and meet Alfie or leave. Louis pressed the button, hearing Harry stepping inside and the door closing. 

Harry approached Louis with heavy steps, a line of deep thoughts creasing his forehead, right between his eyebrows. Louis felt guilty for not doing this properly, he wished he had time to discuss it with him, but he also knew that this was the perfect opportunity. Leave this situation behind, before he started a new beginning. Harry came and stood right in front of him, towering over him with a glum expression.  

“What?” Louis asked, his heart beating fast like every time he was close to Harry. He wondered if that feeling would ever go away.  

“I want a goodbye,” Harry whispered. He coughed rubbing his face with one hand. “Can I kiss you? One last time?” 

Louis should say no, that it was bad idea, but now the desire of one last kiss was inside his head and he needed it, he needed that goodbye. For his own sake and to make it up to Harry for the abrupt ending. He nodded slowly, feeling his heart right up his throat. Harry leaned down and captured Louis’ lips, slipping his tongue in right away and pushing Louis against the wall. The kiss was urgent and desperate, as if their bodies were begging them to change their minds. It was over all too quickly, when there was a knock on the door. 

Harry took a step back, allowing Louis to compose himself, before he ran to open the door, Harry in tow. Alfie was nicely dressed, wearing a button-up and a pair of fitted jeans. He had brought a bouquet of carnations to Louis, which he accepted with a large smile, pretending that he hadn’t been kissing his best friend goodbye just a second before. 

“You shouldn’t have, Al,” he said to the man, who observed the room behind Louis curiously, eyes stopping on the other man there. “Let me put them in a vase and I’ll be right back, so we can go.” 

He turned around to leave, omitting the introductions between the two men, feeling a bit uneasy with the possibility of doing that. He ran to the kitchen, hoping there was something that he could use as a vase for the pink flowers. He found an old jar in the top cupboard, washed and forgotten from that one time Harry had made apricot jam. Filling half of it with tap water, he put the bouquet in, after getting rid of the decorative paper holding them together. The silence from the living room was making him agitated, and he was hoping that Harry had either left already or that he hadn’t said anything stupid or offensive. 

When he returned, he found the two men standing across from each other, arms crossed in front of their chests. Harry had his typical angry face, and Alfie looked awkward being there. It was evident that they had talked and that they didn't get along. Louis shot an angry glare at Harry, who shrugged his shoulders and rolled his eyes. 

“Let’s go,” he said to Alfie, putting a hand on his shoulder and squeezing him reassuringly. “We don’t want to miss the movie.” 

Alfie nodded and smiled at Louis, his face changing to a more positive expression. “Yeah. Will your friend join us?” he asked eyeing Harry warily. 

“No. It’s a date, Al. Harry will stay behind to lock the house, right, Haz?” 

“Whatever,” Harry said, turning around and walking towards the kitchen. 

Louis didn’t bother with him and his unusual attitude. Harry was always nice to strangers, especially if they were one of the boys’ friends, so this was way out of character for him. Louis focused his attention on Alfie, smiling softly at him before he led him out of the flat, closing the door behind him, determined to forget about Harry for the rest of the night. He was doing an amazing job, having fun with Alfie and ending the date with a hug and a promise for a second one soon, until he returned to his now empty flat, only to find the carnations prettily arranged in the jar put on the coffee table and a note, written in Harry’s handwriting. 

 

_ Sorry. Yours, Harry. xx  _

  
  
  
  



	5. Chapter 5

They didn’t see each other for three weeks, and that was the longest Louis had gone without seeing Harry since the first time they had sat next to each other for their first lectures in university. He didn’t dare to miss him, instead occupying himself with writing silly articles for the magazine and doing research on the latest fashion trends. He met Niall and Liam at the pub according to their tradition -a tradition that Harry didn’t honour three times in a row- and Alfie joined them in his place the last time they met, making himself part of the group.

That was a thing, Alfie trying to make himself part of Louis’ life. They regularly went out for lunch during their short work breaks, he would come over to Louis’ place with wine and a take away, if Louis had had a hard day at work, and they had gone on four incredible, long dates. Overall, he was amazing. Caring and sweet, funny, and a good listener of Louis’ boring work stories. Louis only wished he could feel the spark.

Not that he wasn’t enjoying his company. He always had fun with Alfie, and he couldn’t wait for their dates. However, when those were over and Alfie took him home, Louis felt no inclination to invite him inside. They would separate at the front door of the building, per Louis’ request with a peck on the cheek and a warm goodnight, and Louis would go back to feeling lonely and empty. He missed that twisting feeling of excitement he had whenever he was with-. But that was over. They had established that and to drive the point home, Harry had disappeared, only sending a few random texts and bullshit excuses.

Louis couldn’t lie; it hurt that he had lost Harry because he thought they were more than sex partners. Although he was the one who was in love, he was willing to put everything behind them -forget, suppress his real feelings- if it meant they would be friends again. For what reason Harry was hiding, he didn’t know. He wasn’t the one who wanted more and got rejected. That was Louis. Louis should be the one hurt and hiding. Harry made no sense.

His phone vibrated on the bed, bringing him out of his thoughts. He reached for it, answering before he saw the caller’s ID.

“Hello?” he said, walking towards his closet to choose his outfit. He, Alfie, Niall, and Liam were going to a bar with live music that apparently had Karaoke nights every Thursday. Now Louis might not be a professional, but he knew how to carry a tune and he loved singing, so the night was promising. He also was planning to finally invite Alfie back to his house. It was long overdue moving on.

“Um- Yeah- Hi.”

Louis’ breath was knocked out of him. Harry’s voice hadn’t changed at all -and why would it? It was still deep and smooth and made Louis feel like he was drinking hot chocolate on a rainy afternoon.

“Hi, Haz,” Louis said softly, not quite believing that he was close to tearing up. He had missed this asshole so much; how could he stay away from him? Louis took a deep breath and swallowed down the tears. “How are you?” he tried to sound normal, but his quavering voice betrayed him.

“Doing well, I got a few days off work.” This conversation was so awkward and unnatural. When did _HarryandLouis_ turn awkward? Louis never thought it was possible, but there he was wishing this phone call was already over. “You?”

“I have to go to work just like always.”

“Boring.”

Louis opened the left door of his closet and reached for his red sweater while he held the phone with the other hand close to his ear. “Oh, well, not all of us inherited our grandpa’s money, Haz; some of us have to pay the bills.” Harry didn’t reply to that; he’d usually tell Louis he knew that and that his offer for help was always on the table, but Louis guessed that things had changed now. “So is there a reason you’re calling?” Louis placed the top carefully on the bed and turned back around to pick a pair of jeans to wear. He was torn between a pair of white-washed ones and his classic black skinnies that made his ass look good.

“I was thinking that maybe we could meet?”

Louis wanted to curse his luck, because obviously Harry would reach out the only night he had plans he couldn’t cancel. He wanted to meet Harry to try to rebuild their broken friendship, and this could be a perfect starting point, but he had promised himself the days of dropping everything else for Harry were over.

“I’m sorry, Haz, but I have plans,” Louis said, feeling sincerely sorry. He had missed him so much, it hurt his chest just thinking of him.

“Oh,” Harry sounded disappointed, and Louis could honesty empathise. He had reached out after weeks of hiding and that required some courage. “Oh, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, love, we’ll meet another time. How about tomorrow? Do you want to join me for lunch?”

“Are you going on a date with that guy?”

Louis sighed at the question, ignoring the annoyed tone thinly veiled by an attempt to sound indifferent. “I am. Well, kind of, since Niall and Liam are joining. We’re going to Karaoke.” And then Louis made the biggest mistake of his life, because he knew this would end in disaster. “You can come if you want.” Louis facepalmed and rubbed his face, because why? Why couldn’t he shut up? Maybe, just maybe, Harry would be logical and deny the invitation.

“Yeah, sure, where are you going?”

“We’re going to Moodswingers,” Louis said, losing all hope for a calm night.

“I know it; I’ll google the address, no problem.”

“Look, Alfie will be there and-”

“I’ll be nice,” Harry promised. “He’s your boyfriend. I’ll respect him.”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Louis rushed to correct him, feeling a cold sweat just thinking of the possibility of being committed to Alfie. “We’re just seeing each other, having fun.” Wrong. It still felt so wrong talking to Harry about another guy.

“Okay, cool. What time are you going? Do you want me to pick you up?”

“Alfie is coming around ten,” Louis said, voice small. It made no sense that he felt so guilty.

Harry didn’t talk for a moment, a long moment during which his heavy breath made Louis anxious instead of calmer like it used to. “Sure. I’ll meet you there at ten thirty then.”

“Harry, I-”

“See you later, Tommo.”

He hung up without waiting for Louis to respond.  Louis collapsed on the bed, sighing. This was a bad idea. Harry was generally a nice guy, who was sweet and kind to new people, but he had been nothing but hostile that one time he met Alfie at Louis’ place before their first date. After the “break up”, or whatever it was called when two friends stopped fucking each other, Louis guessed he could only be worse. Louis couldn't forget Harry’s words, the words that propelled Louis to finally ask him to end their arrangement.

_It’s not like you and I would ever work._

Louis was doing the sensible thing. He was moving on, sparing both of them the inevitable heartbreak, if Louis had told him what he really wanted. He couldn’t understand why Harry’s reaction was this negative towards Alfie and, honestly, towards Louis himself, at the moment.

_It’s not like you and I would ever work._

He got up from bed, and, settling for the white-washed jeans after all, pushed the unpleasant thoughts to the back of his mind. He could only make this work if he was going there with a positive attitude, and that was what he was planning to do.

 

~*~

 

The bar was already packed when Louis and Alfie entered. Admittedly they were late, but Niall had texted him that they had already secured a table close to the stage and first round was already waiting for them, so Louis didn’t worry much about that. He did worry, however, that he had omitted to mention Harry would join them, especially when he received a string of question marks from both Liam and Niall.

“The vibe is nice,” Alfie said, placing a hand on his back and guiding him towards their table as soon as he spotted an overenthusiastic Niall waving them over. Liam  peeked around Niall’s right side as they approached.

“Hello,” Louis greeted them all, not reacting to the sight of Harry seated to Niall’s left. “How is everyone?”

“You’re late,” Liam complained to Louis, who took his seat next to Harry, desperately attempting to make this night as less awkward as humanly possible.

“We’re both late, but I get the earful, forgetting that Alfie drove us and I couldn’t exactly fly.”

“You were the one who took ages to do your hair,” Alfie chuckled and reached to tease Louis’ perfectly done fringe.

Louis stopped him just in time and pushed his hand away gently. “Don’t touch the hair,” he warned.

“Don’t be a baby,” Alfie teased him, but listened to his request. “Hello, Harry, long time no see.”

“Yeah,” Harry nodded, expression neutral and unreadable. _Oh, boy, oh boy_. “Got a little busy, but I’m back.”

“We missed you,” Louis said sincerely, turning to look at Harry. He looked so good. He had gotten a new haircut recently; his sides were a lot shorter, but the top of his hair formed cute curls that fell on his forehead making him look like some kind of lost rockstar. Louis needed to take a breath.

“Speak for yourself, I saw his mug to the point I got sick of him,” Niall said. Harry turned and glared at him and Louis couldn’t blame him, Niall was very talented at making things awkward unintentionally. The boy needed a filter and he needed it soon.

Harry shook his head, letting it go, before he turned to Louis. “Sorry for disappearing; I got busy. I won’t ever do it again.” His eyes were so bright and openly honest, Louis almost forgot there were other people around them. That’s how it started, getting lost in his eyes, before he got lost in everything Harry for the rest of the night. “I missed you too, you know,” Harry added in a gentle tone. His twitching hand almost reaching for Louis didn’t go unnoticed by the latter, nor did the fact that his own hand burned with the need to touch him back.

“Alright, what are we singing tonight?” Liam asked, pushing the two pint glasses, which had already been ordered and delivered, towards Louis and Alfie. Louis took his in his hands, noting it had lost most of its coolness. He guessed that was his fault for being late, so he shut up and took a sip of his lukewarm beer.

“I don’t think I’ll sing, lads,” Alfie said. “I can’t risk people’s eardrums, but I’ll do my best to cheer you on.”

“Come on, it will be fun,” Louis encouraged him. “None of us are singers here.”

“Speak for yourself,” Niall said, offended. “I’m putting Ed Sheeran to shame tonight.”

“Yes, Niall, we know you should have been a rockstar instead of a teacher; we all agree,” Harry said, nodding condescendingly.

“Oi, shut your gob,” Niall chuckled and pushed Harry’s shoulder playfully.

“I have no idea what to sing,” Louis admitted.

“Hey, we could do a duet,” Harry suggested, voice changing and becoming somewhat softer, different like he was treading on dangerous waters and was careful of not doing or saying anything wrong. Louis hated it; he wanted his Harry back. A duet with him didn’t seem like a bad idea; it would loosen them up.

“Good idea, yes,” Louis agreed. “Let’s do this. One man left; you, Lima.”

“I’ll probably do a classic, show my inner star as well. It’s not just Niall who could be a rockstar.”

They all spent the next hour discussing songs. Harry and Louis agreed to sing The Boy Is Mine, because who would they be if they didn’t make themselves look like fools singing iconic R’n’B songs? The list of songs was long, and Louis was excited for the night to start, drinking two more pints in the meantime, wanting to reach the point of being tipsy without getting too drunk. He didn’t want to do anything stupid, especially since he was feeling much more relaxed already, and he had found himself gravitating towards Harry, who was back to being his fun, adorable self, too.

“Alright, I’m going first,” Liam said. The night had already started, some girls did a fun girl band number, singing like they were professionals, and Louis wondered why they weren’t famous. It was so much fun, watching people, most of them drunk, screaming lyrics incoherently, and Louis guessed it would only get better as the night progressed. He knew he would regret the late night out the next day at work, but he was having too much fun to care.

Getting up from his seat, Liam approached the stage, climbing on the side and waiting for a bloke who was screaming his high notes throughout his very passionate rendition of Dream On. They whole group turned their seats to have a better view of the stage, ready to embarrass Liam with their cheers. Louis was ready to climb on his seat. The screaming man finished his song to a round of cheers from everyone in the bar. The atmosphere was so nice, Louis wasn’t even feeling nervous at the prospect of singing in front of this crowd.

Liam took his place behind the microphone, and Harry used his fingers to whistle loudly. “Yes, Liam!” he yelled, and Liam smiled, shaking his head and waiting for the band to coordinate before they started playing.

Alfie leaned towards Louis. “You guys seem comfortable; do you do this often?” he asked, amused.

Louis nodded, the first notes of End of the Road filling the bar with excitement. “Once every few months, yes. We like making arses out of ourselves.” Alfie rubbed his back and turned him back around to watch Liam’s performance, keeping his arm around Louis’ torso. Liam had started talking in a deep voice, even changing his accent to an American one.

“ _Girl you know we belong together_

_I don't have no time for you to be playing with my heart like this_

_You'll be mine forever baby_

_You just wait.”_

Louis chuckled softly at Liam’s frown, and he let himself be swayed to the rhythm by Alfie. As soon as the the chorus came, the whole bar joined in singing along, like Liam was the main act, and they were his adoring crowd of fans- Niall, Harry, and Louis included.

“ _Although we've come_

_To the end of the road_

_Still I can't let go_

_It's unnatural_

_You belong to me_

_I belong to you_ ”

Harry turned to look at Louis, frowning instantly at the way Alfie rested his head on Louis’ shoulder. Louis didn’t pretend he didn’t see it; he stared right back at Harry, waiting for him to either look away or just fucking do something, say something. Harry did the former, looking back at Liam and schooling his expression to a neutral one, but he wasn’t singing anymore. Louis frowned and pushed Alfie’s arm gently.

“Haz and I are next,” he explained to him, and Alfie nodded. Louis stood up, not waiting to see if Harry was following. He would anyway.

“Good luck,” Alfie said to them as they walked away, Harry following Louis.

They stood on the side of the stage waiting for Liam to finish his song, staring at each other. Louis’ eyes were daring him to open his mouth and finally speak. Say what he was thinking. Louis was done playing dumb at this point; he knew that Harry was jealous of Alfie. And Chad. And Phil. And any man that had been around Louis. But why couldn’t he open his bloody mouth and say it, tell him he was jealous, that maybe he wanted to be exclusive.

_It’s not like you and I would ever work._

Louis shook his head in disappointment and looked away. If Harry wanted to miss his chance, he would let him. Louis couldn’t allow himself to get lost again, living a fake life and pretending he didn’t need more from him. He wanted everything from Harry. All. Or...nothing. It was better to just let it go.

Liam finished the song, receiving a long round of applause, his velvety voice a welcome change after so much drunken screaming. He ran towards Harry and Louis, hugging them both.

“You were really good, Li,” Harry said to him, patting his back.

Louis reached for his nipple, twisting it, not too hard to hurt him, but hard enough to annoy him. “Yes, lad, proper singer. How are we going to top that?”

“You are the dream team,” Liam reminded them. That hurt. Once upon a time Louis and Harry were inseparable; they did everything together and better than anyone else. But everything had gone to shit because they fucked and Louis caught feelings. Fucking feelings.

“Let’s do this,” Louis said, turning to look at Harry, who nodded and walked on stage.

Harry approached the guy behind the keys and leaned to whisper something. The musician nodded his head and turned to talk to the guitarist, who turned to talk to the drummer and so on so forth. Harry grabbed one of the microphones and offered it to a confused Louis, before he took a spare one for himself.

“Um, hi, I’m Harry,” he said into the microphone. The crowd stared at them, intrigued. No one else had spoken before their song.

“Harry, what-”

“Lou and I had agreed on doing another duet, but I think he’ll forgive me if we sing something different.” Harry interrupted, taking a step towards Louis.

“What?”

“Don’t worry,” Harry said smiling softly. “You know this one.”

Louis turned to look at his friends, who were looking at them amused, especially Niall who was ready to jump on the table and start cheering. Harry coughed and started singing acapella, words leaving his mouth slowly, coloured by his deep voice, rhythm a little awkward.

“ _I know I stand in line_

_Until you think you have the time_

_To spend an evening with me._ ”

Louis’ eyes widened, when he heard the first lyrics of Something Stupid. He tried to not lose all control and run to hug Harry; he knew how much he loved this song, and it made him feel all silly and warm. How hadn’t he thought of singing it before? The band joined Harry, giving him a tempo to follow, and Harry gave an appreciative smile to the pianist.

“ _And if we go someplace to dance_

_I know that there's a chance_

_You won't be leaving with me_.”

Harry reached for Louis’ arm, squeezing it gently to remind him to sing. Louis was jolted into action, finding his tone and harmonising with Harry easily; it was second nature for them to sing together or to each other. They always did it when they were spending time together, and they knew each other's voices so well, always fit. Just like that moment.

“ _The time is right_

_Your perfume fills my head_

_The stars get red_

_And oh the night's so blue._ ”

Harry came to stand in front of Louis, towering over him, and Louis almost forgot where they were and what they were doing, when he focused on Harry’s bright green eyes. He leaned an inch closer, closing his eyes and letting himself bask in Harry’s attention, loving how Harry’s hand reached for his own, taking it and keeping it warm, even if Louis himself was sweating.

“ _And then I go and spoil it all_

_By saying something stupid_

_Like I love you_.”

Harry stroked Louis’ knuckles, eyes searching Louis’ face nervously and crowd forgotten. Louis had never felt so weird before. It was like he was floating, and at the same time he was feeling his whole body heavy, muscles dragging him down to the ground, and the only thing keeping him in place was Harry’s hand holding his.

“ _I love you_.”

Louis almost leaned in to kiss Harry, forgetting everything; the promises to himself, the crowd, the other men, their friends. He just wanted to feel that spark he got whenever his lips touched Harry’s. The loud cheering from the crowd pulled Louis out of his trance, making him take a step back and pull his hand away from Harry’s. Harry frowned and looked around confused, but Louis gave him a small, private smile, one that only Harry could see from where he was standing.

“Later,” he mouthed, and Harry’s grumpy face turned to sunshine, dimple making its appearance, as he smirked at Louis before leading him back to their table.

 

~*~

 

They fell into bed like they had never stopped. Louis’ body found Harry’s like it was its destiny, born to fit with his. Strong hands pinned his arms above his head, the skin on his neck breaking under Harry’s teeth, moans filling his bedroom. He wasn’t that drunk, just enough to feel high and warm inside, as Harry’s body moved against his expertly, reading all the big and small movements right, responding and giving everything Louis needed.

“Fuck, baby, I missed this so much, I missed you,” Harry murmured against his skin, as his lips and tongue made their way down to his torso. They were both naked, feeding off each other’s heat. “It’s been so long since I had you in my arms.”

“I’m sorry,” Louis whispered, regret settling deep inside him. It was his fault that they were missing this; he was the one who had been stupid enough to end it, and try to move on. As if he could ever move on from his Harry. “I’m here, though, we’re doing this.”

“Oh, yes, we’re doing this, baby,” Harry smirked. “And I have big plans for you tonight.” He darted his tongue out, licking a path down to Louis hard cock and taking it in his mouth, suckling lazily at the tip as one of his hands came to stroke the rest of his length. Louis threw his head back at the heat pooling there. He hoped he wouldn’t lose all control and come before they had even begun. It had been a long time since he had had someone in his bed; Harry had been the last one. He always got so turned on by Harry; this time was amplified to the max.

He moaned and reached for Harry’s hair, tangling his fingers and resting his hand there, not quite pushing, just feeling Harry working his way down his cock, licking and sucking and driving him crazy. Harry pulled off his cock, a trace of saliva connecting his rosy lips with Louis’ tip then mouthed the skin down to Louis’ balls, sucking one in his mouth and humming appreciatively, as if he Louis was doing him a favour letting him suck him. As if Louis wasn’t losing his mind.

“Fuck, I’m gonna come.”

“Go ahead, we have all night. I’ll get you all hard again and fuck you until you come on my cock.”

Louis hissed and shot his head back, reaching his high with a loud moan of Harry’s name intertwined with a string of curses. Harry gathered the come from Louis’ belly and reached for Louis’ lips, letting him lick his fingers clean. And Louis did it, because Harry made him act like a filthy animal, lose all control and just do whatever Harry wanted, as long as he was pleased. As long as Harry would turn and tell him how good he was, how he was driving him crazy.

Harry crawled back up, kissing Louis deeply, tasting him on his own lips, and moaning desperately. “I- I missed you so much, Lou.”

“Here, let me get you off.”

Louis wrapped his hand around Harry’s length, thick and heavy in his palm. He started stroking him hard and fast, knowing it must hurt a little bit, since he had been hard since the moment they left the bar, but Harry always liked it tight and a bit rough. Harry reached for Louis, desperate for a kiss, and Louis let him lick into his mouth and steal his breath away, as he brought him to orgasm.

“Fuck, I needed that,” Harry panted and looked right into Louis’ eyes, staring at him for a long moment. “Thank you,” he said and kissed Louis, just a soft peck that made Louis feel all gooey inside. He was such a sucker for soft stuff, and Harry didn’t deprive him of it. Even if it didn’t mean anything.

Louis tried to focus on the fact that he was with Harry and not on what it meant. He was sure that things had shifted to another direction. Harry didn’t seem unaffected by Louis’ dating life and that for sure meant something. Maybe not love -Louis would never even dream of love- but there was interest, more than friendship’s boundaries allowed.

“Should we go take a shower?” Harry asked, pressing his nose in Louis’ hair and inhaling deeply. “Although you smell amazing to me. But like we’re both sticky and to be honest, I’m not done with you.”

“I’m working tomorrow,” Louis reminded him, although he was ready to jump in the shower and follow Harry in whatever plans he had for him.

“You’re a writer, you can work from home.”

Louis could, yes. He didn’t know how much writing he would get done from home, but he was too excited to be around Harry again to turn down his suggestion. “Let’s take a shower then,” Louis said, pushing himself to get up. “Don’t think I have much hot water left, though, so we have to share.”

Harry smirked and watched Louis closely as he opened the closet to get a towel for Harry. “I didn't think there was another way.”

 

~*~

 

_Louis’ plan was to leave with Alfie, but when did one of his plans go the way he wanted. As soon as he and Harry had climbed down the stage, Harry’s hand had find its way on Louis’ waist and Louis, drunk from the melody of the song and Harry’s eyes, had let him guide him back to their friends, who were still cheering them on._

_“That was so amazing,” Louis had shrieked, plopping down on his seat._

_Alfie had placed a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it tightly. “I didn’t know you could sing like that!”_

_“One of Tommo’s many surprises, stick around and you’ll find out more,” Liam said proudly, like he was trying to sell Louis._

_“Well, I just know how to harmonise really, it was Harold who carried the song,” Louis said, smiling all big and proud of Harry. He was always proud of Harry, even for the smallest things and sometimes he felt this pride was way too big to contain it inside him. He just had to share it with the world; how amazing this boy was._

_“Shh,” Harry said, shaking his head half-embarrassed, half-satisfied by Louis’ praise. “It was a team effort.”_

_“Yes, dream team is still on,” Louis high-fived Harry. They stared at each other, Louis wanted to take in everything that he had missed all this time, aware that their interaction might seem weird to the rest of the group, but he didn’t care at that moment. He was high off the song and beer and everything Harry. Someone coughed, trying to break the moment, and Louis shook his head, before he turned to look at the rest of them. “What?”_

_“My turn,” Niall said, standing up from his seat and grooming himself. “Time for the real star to shine.”_

_“You go, Horan,” Louis cheered him on, as he walked away, almost skipping from excitement. He hadn’t missed Liam’s judgmental look, but he prefered to ignore it and the guilt that came with the realisation that the man he was dating was sitting right there, watching the interactions between him and Harry, completely oblivious to everything. But then Harry put his hand on Louis’ thigh under the table and every inhibition went out the window._

_Niall took his place behind the microphone and as soon as the first notes of Galway Girl were heard, the whole bar started cheering, making Niall lose a few words and laugh happily. Their group cheered the loudest. Louis had to stand up for this; he climbed on his seat, ignoring the few eyes that stared at him and tried to whistle like Harry had done earlier, using his two fingers, but failed miserably._

_“Haz, will you whistle for me?” Louis leaned down to speak to Harry, whose attention was on Louis, amused, dimple showing. Louis wanted to wrap him in his arms and never let him go._

_“Here, babe,” Harry said, standing up and following Louis to his antics, climbing on his own seat and whistling loud enough to be heard over the music and the crowd singing. Niall flipped them off, or at least he raised his middle finger in their direction and kept singing with a big smile on his face, changing the vibe of the night to a playful one; more and more people got up from their seats to dance._

_Louis turned his whole body towards Harry and reached for his hand, as he moved his body to the Irish rhythm. He knew he was looking silly, but Louis wasn’t one to care about those things; he and Harry had made fools out of themselves almost every time they went out together to a bar or a club. Always getting drunk and dancing around, mixing themselves into the crowds, but sticking together._

_Quick to follow, Harry started dancing, a lot more uncoordinated than Louis, as always, but confident. Louis could never get enough of watching Harry moving his body; there was something about the way his hips moved that made Louis burn all hot inside, his muscles aching to join Harry’s. Holding hands they danced like little kids, moving their bodies back and forth and yelling the lyrics to each other. Louis never wanted the song to end, the moment too precious. It made him feel carefree and forget with whom he was there, that he and Harry were nothing but friends now, that he wasn’t supposed to be in love with him. He didn’t care; he only danced._

_As soon as the song ended, the crowd erupted in cheers, Louis joining them and screaming Niall’s name, since he couldn’t whistle, until he felt a hand on his waist and Harry pulling him to whisper in his ear. Louis leaned down offering his ear. He didn’t know if it was Harry’s hot breath on his neck or what he said, but as soon as the words left Harry’s mouth, he knew that it was a lost case._

_“I want to kiss you,” Harry whispered bravely._

_It was no wonder Louis went home with Harry. He momentarily felt guilty when he said goodnight to Alfie with a kiss on his cheek again, and refused to be driven home by him, saying that it was easier for Harry to take him home, because it was on his way, even if it was a lie. They didn’t leave the bar much later; Louis made an excuse about working early, which wasn’t exactly false, but he could afford to stay a little longer. Louis probably would, if he wasn’t desperate to get Harry alone._

_As soon as they left the bar and walked down a few streets to get to Harry’s car, Louis couldn’t resist Harry anymore. He pulled him by his arm towards an opening between a block of flats and a flower shop, reaching for his lips as soon as they were out of sight from the street. Harry didn’t hesitate to trap him against the wall, kissing him back, hot and hard. They weren’t exactly drunk, Harry had to drive and Louis had only had enough for  there to be a lingering excitement from the alcohol making him warm. Louis giggled -fucking giggled- against Harry’s lips, mouthing at his jaw and neck, getting as much as possible._

_“Take me home, Haz,” Louis said, placing a hand on Harry’s face and bringing him down for a kiss._

_Sometimes promises were meant to be broken, even if Louis had made them to himself._

  



	6. Chapter 6

The morning after wasn’t as carefree and glorious as Louis had hoped. He woke up with a headache; an unexpected hangover had sneakily crept into his brain and aching body, along with a feeling of guilt sitting heavily inside his chest. He had left with Harry and taken him home, leaving Alfie with his best friends. Fuck, he was a shitty human being. Fuck, shit, fuck.

Louis tried to get up from the bed without waking up a very peaceful-looking Harry, but his muscles were too tense to help him grace on his way out of the bedroom, so of course he made more noise than he usually would, waking Harry in the process. He looked at Louis from under a lock of hair falling on his face and Louis forgot how to breathe for a moment, admiring the marvelous miracle that was Harry’s morning face. But then the memories came back, and it was easier to turn around and leave the room instead of staying and discussing this like a normal adult.

“Hey,” he heard Harry’s gravelly voice. Louis ignored him and ran to the kitchen to make coffee and maybe something to eat. It was early; if he hurried, he could make it to work on time. “Hey,” Harry repeated, entering the kitchen naked, looking like a fucking dream and smelling like Louis’ soap. It was unfair. Louis couldn’t think properly with Harry around. “What happened? What’s wrong?” Harry asked worriedly, but kept his voice soft, as if he was afraid he would scare Louis off.

“I need coffee.”

“Did I-” Harry paused and looked away from a moment. “Do you regret it?” He sounded so vulnerable, Louis couldn’t bear to let him think that, because he didn’t regret it at all. He regretted the way he did things, but going back to what made him happy, even if it wasn’t exactly what he wanted, wasn’t one of those things he could really regret. Not when it felt so right.

Louis approached Harry and placed a hand on his chest and one on his waist, pulling him closer for a morning kiss. “No, Haz, not at all. That’s not it.”

“Then what happened?” Harry asked him, looking relieved but his worried frown hadn’t eased at all.

Louis decided that maybe it would be for the best if he started being honest with Harry; maybe it could help reach a solution faster. “I am dating someone else.”

Harry’s face fell, and he took a step back. He took a moment, like he was thinking of his words carefully, before he settled for a simple question. “Do you like him?”

“I do,” Louis answered and maybe that was wrong to be said like that to Harry’s face, because he turned his back to Louis and stormed out of the kitchen. “Wait, Haz.” He followed him back to the bedroom, where Harry had started looking around for his scattered clothes. “Let me explain.”

“So last night was a goodbye fuck, good to know.”

“Goodbye fuck,” Louis repeated with a sharp intake of breath. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

“You found your guy, you settled down, and you wanted one last fuck from me.”

Louis felt hot anger flashing through his body. He couldn’t believe how much of an asshole Harry was being. “If you weren’t my best friend, I would punch you in your stupid face.”

Harry stopped and stared at Louis, jeans already on and T-shirt hanging from his hands. “Is that how you treat your friends?”

“I don’t know. Is that how you treat yours?” Louis asked back, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “You’ve been a shitty friend, Harry. You ignored me for weeks and then came back into my life and you changed everything again and ugh,” Louis groaned, frustrated.

He couldn’t believe he had to deal with an angry Harry on top of everything else. He just wanted for the earth to stop moving for a moment, give him time to breathe. “If you’d let me talk, you’d know that I don’t fancy Alfie at all. I like him as a person. He is a nice lad, whether you like him or not, but he’s not my type. But that doesn’t mean I don’t feel like fucking garbage for blowing him off last night to follow you like a puppy for a fuck that, hey, it might lead nowhere, because we don’t fit or whatever.”

Harry stared at Louis, eyes wide open, like a deer caught in the headlights, mouth slacked, and Louis felt good for saying what he was thinking for once. Finally, Harry knew how he made him feel. He wasn’t done, oh no, but he was willing to allow Harry to say something, make this less awkward.  

“We don’t fit,” Harry deadpanned, and even though he was just repeating what Louis had said, just hearing it from his mouth made Louis hurt with the force of ten knives twisting in his gut.

“Your words,” Louis murmured. “But that’s not the point. I feel bad, Harry, for sleeping with you, not because I didn’t want it, but because I literally left my date with my friends. Who does that? What good person does that?”

“He’s not your boyfriend,” Harry argued, almost spitting the last word out of his mouth.

“That’s not an excuse. I know we’re not exclusive, Alfie could be sleeping with ten other men, for all I know, but he didn’t meet any of them while he was out with me. I did that.”

“Baby,” Harry softened his voice, seemingly realising how affected was Louis by his own decisions, because there was no one he could blame but himself. “You’re not a bad person. It’s also my fault; I wanted you to leave with me. I didn’t care about Alfie or anyone else.”

“I should have said no, nevertheless,” Louis shook his head. “It’s not being with you that I regret; it’s not doing things right.”

“How could that work, Lou?”

“I-” Louis’ body slumped and the weight on his shoulders doubled suddenly. “I should never have dated him, I shouldn’t have given him false hopes. Fuck, I haven’t even kissed the guy; I couldn’t. But I agreed to date him again and again, hoping there was something there.”

All of Harry’s previous anger seemed to have vanished, and he approached Louis with fast steps and wrapped his arms around him. Louis didn’t fight him off; their argument was stupid and he really needed him at the moment as a friend, first and foremost. He couldn’t exactly go talk to Liam or Niall about this, could he?

“I’m sorry about earlier,” Harry said, cuddling Louis’ head against his shoulders. Louis took a deep breath in of Harry’s skin; the scent felt so familiar and comforting, helping his racing heart calm down. “And for last night, actually.”

“It’s okay,” Louis murmured back. “I think we were both irresponsible.”

“I can leave if you want. Not forever,” he added when he felt Louis’ muscles tensing under his touch, “but maybe you need some space to figure things out. It was wrong to come back like that.”

“The fuck, Harry?” Louis pushed him away gently. “I don’t want you to fucking disappear. You are my best friend, I need you. Or did you forget that somewhere between fucking me?”

Harry flinched and took a step back, putting an even bigger distance between them. “No, I am trying to do the right thing.”

“The right thing is to be a friend to me, be by my side, as I make some decisions. You disappeared for weeks and, well, look how great that worked for me. It’s not you, who is the problem, it’s my brain.”

Harry nodded, looking like he was trying to make sense of Louis’ words. Well, Louis was sure he was quite clear. How much more open could he be without screaming, “I’m in love with you and I don’t want anyone else in my life”? He walked towards the bed and fell on it, his back hitting the mattress. He needed a new one soon, one that wasn’t so unforgiving on his back. He couldn’t imagine how horrible it must have been for Harry to be sleeping on this bed, with his back pains; it must have been painful waking up there after a night’s sleep.

“I think I’m going to start by telling Alfie that I don’t want to date him anymore.”

“Oh,” Harry said, surprised. Louis raised his head to look at him, because a surprised reaction wasn’t the one he expected; it was pretty damn obvious he didn’t care about Alfie in a romantic context. “Um... are you sure?”

“Yes, Harry, I am sure. I’m not going to string another person along, in the hopes that I will like them in the future.”

Harry sucked in his lips in a thin line and nodded his head. “I see. I understand. I’m sorry it came to this.”

“Just, ugh!” Louis groaned, frustrated, rubbing his face with his hands. “Everything is so complicated, Haz. I have no idea how to deal with this.” Harry murmured something inaudible in return. “Sorry, what was that?”

“I said… I have no idea how to deal with this either, Lou. I’m a mess, I-,” he paused for a moment, “it’s all my fault, isn’t it?”

Louis got up and his hands reached for Harry right away, wanting to comfort him and get rid of the frown on his beautiful face. “It’s not, love. It’s no one’s fault. I mean it’s partially both our fault that we let things get out of control.”

“I don’t know what I want,” Harry admitted with a whisper. “I’m confused.”

Louis tried not to let that hurt him. He always knew what he wanted and that was Harry. He wanted to be Harry’s best friend and lover; he wanted everything. It was obvious Harry’s thoughts weren’t as clear, but Louis had to do what he asked from Harry, he had to be his friend and support him.

“It’s okay. As long as you don’t disappear again.”

Harry fell on his knees in front of Louis, placing his large hands on his knees, shaking his head. “Never again. I’m sorry I was such a shitty friend. I think- look, I think I hate seeing you with other men.” And okay, Louis didn’t expect that. “I hated every single guy you dated these past few months. I know it’s out of line and I don’t know what I’m even asking you to do, but I just have to admit it. When you went out with the tool, Chuck-”

“Chad,” Louis corrected him softly, a shy smile spreading on his face.

“I don’t even care. I hated him. Him and any guy who tried to take you away, even if- even if you’re not mine to be taken away from in the first place. I know that. That’s why I don’t know how to move forward from this, because I can’t ask you to stop your life for me -that’s selfish- but also I hate seeing you with other men.”

“Well, you have time to figure out what you want, since I won’t be seeing Alfie again. Not after what I did to him last night.” Louis’ tone was collected, despite his erratic heartbeat and his sweaty palms. He couldn’t believe he was hearing those words from Harry. They were what he had been dreaming for months, but also they meant nothing, didn't they? He didn’t say he loved Louis or wanted to be with him. He just confessed he was jealous.

Harry rested his head on Louis’ knee, kissing the naked skin there. “Do you know what you want?”

Louis thought about it for a moment. This was his chance to confess everything, come clean and either get his heart broken or get the happy ending he wanted. “I do,” he admitted with a nod.

“Do I get to know?” Harry asked with hopeful eyes.

Louis shook his head. “Not until you figure it out yourself.” He didn’t want to affect Harry’s decisions. He didn’t want to pressure him into a relationship out of pity or fear of losing his best friend. “Just know that no matter what you decide, I will always be your best friend, Haz. You and me, the dream team, against the world.”

“The dream team,” Harry agreed. He reached for Louis’ lips, receiving a sweet peck, too short for both of them, but it seemed the appropriate thing to do at the moment. “I’m kinda starving after this conversation.”

“It was a fight, Harold, jeez,” Louis joked and that earned him a soft slap on his thigh. “Let’s go out for breakfast; what do you think?”

“Good idea, pal,” Harry agreed, getting up and of course losing his balance in the process, almost falling down. Louis grabbed his arm and steadied him, hardly containing his laughter.

“I don’t know what’s worse: your coordination skills or you calling me pal.”

“Shut up!”

“Bro,” Louis teased him with a playful smirk and a wink, and that had Harry attacking him and throwing him back on the mattress. If they made it out of the house half an hour later, it was okay. No one but them knew.

 

~*~

 

Louis’ nerves were absolutely founded on logic no matter what Harry was saying.

He was about to meet Alfie and he was bricking it.. He had managed to make the call he had been dreading all Friday and asked Alfie to meet on Saturday for lunch. Dinner would be too formal for this and it might have given the wrong impression. Louis had enough of toying with that man; Alfie deserved someone who actually looked forward to seeing him, instead of wanting to hide away forever. Alfie had been pleasantly surprised to receive an invitation from Louis, since he was the one who always asked him out. Louis tried to not let Alfie’s enthusiastic response make him even guiltier. There was no point. He would make his intentions clear soon, and then he could stop feeling like the worst human in the world.

“I don’t get why you worry so much,” Harry said from the other end of the line. Louis switched the phone to his left hand, using his right to fix a stray strand of hair, before he checked his teeth in the mirror. “You will meet, eat some salad, you’ll tell him you see him as a friend, he will be bitter, and then it’s done.”

“Easy for you to say, you’re not the one telling a person that you dated them for almost a month and you don’t want to see them again, because you’re fucking your best friend and have for the past year.”

“You’ll tell him about me?”

“I might leave that last part out. But I still feel like shit, Haz.”

Harry sighed. “I know, baby. I’m sorry. I can’t help you with that, no matter what I say. I can offer cuddles and a movie marathon after the date, if you want.”

Louis wanted nothing more than go to Harry’s place and spend the rest of the weekend with him, making up for lost time. But he also knew that, maybe, some distance -not the bullshit that Harry pulled, just a couple of days- might help Harry to think things through.

“It’s okay,” Louis said, standing straight and inspecting his appearance in the mirror. He looked decent, not too formal, but not sloppy either. Perfect for a casual, friendly date. “I think I’ll come back home and just write the article you didn’t let me finish yesterday.” Harry snickered at the memories of their great Friday together, and Louis couldn’t help but feel warm and fuzzy inside. “I have to go now or else I’ll be late. I’ll text you when I leave the restaurant. Please, Haz, no naughty pics.”

“Fuck, I’ll try.”

“Harry!”

“Alright, alright, I won’t send my nudes,” Harry chuckled. “I will have a sad, lonely wank in the memories of yesterday and then go meet Liam or something.”

“Fuck off!” That made Harry laugh harder, so Louis hung up the phone and focused on finishing getting ready and out of the house.

He was halfway to the restaurant he had agreed to meet Alfie -he had refused to be picked up and preferred to go there by himself, using the train- when he received a message from Harry. Louis was ready to call him and tell him off for ignoring his request to behave, but it was just two simple words followed by a thumbs-up emoji.

 

**Good luck.**

 

Louis smiled down at his screen and sent two heart emojis back, before he pocketed his phone and spent the rest of his travel to his destination thinking of how the conversation would go. There were three scenarios playing in his head. One had Alfie accepting Louis’ decision and staying his friend. That was what Louis was hoping for; he genuinely liked Alfie and the other boys in the group seemed to enjoy having him around. Well, apart from Harry, but he would survive. The other scenario was that Alfie would gracefully accept Louis’ decision, but he would disappear from his life. Last possibility was Louis’ nightmare; Alfie making a scene and humiliating him. Not that he didn’t deserve to be called out, but he was hoping he could avoid it.

Stepping inside the restaurant, quite some time later, he found Alfie sitting alone at a table in the far corner of the grand hall. Louis was led there by a friendly waitress, who didn’t hold back a big smile when Alfie got up to hug Louis.

“Looking good, Lou,” Alfie said, pulling his chair to help him sit down.

Louis thanked him and glanced at the familiar menu placed next to the empty plate before him, as he waited for Alfie to take his seat. The restaurant wasn’t very expensive or fancy, but Louis liked it, because they offered the best  pie and mash. A bit messy, but always so delicious; Louis could eat enough for three people.

Alfie had probably already chosen, since there was a half-finished wine glass in front of him and the menu book was left untouched on the side. “Have you been here before?” Alfie asked him, making casual chit-chat as it was expected. It wasn’t his fault Louis was dying to talk to him and get this over with.

“Loads,” Louis hummed. “It’s one of my favourite places. I am obsessed with their chicken and mushroom pie. In fact, I think I’ll have that one and some mash on the side. A good white wine to go with that or a beer, can’t decide.”

Alfie nodded in agreement. “I’ll go for a beef pie, then, see what is the fuss about their pies.”

“Oh, trust me, they have the perfect handmade crust.”

They discussed about the food for a while, waiting for the waitress to return to take their orders. Louis settled for a beer; a lighter drink was a smart idea to keep his words coherent. He wanted to make himself clear and was already struggling to organise his thoughts and find a way to start talking. It took a lot of silly chatting and eating half their meals, until Alfie took matters in his hands and set his fork down.

“Look, I know you didn’t invite me to just spend time with me,” he said, and Louis felt like he was stabbed in the gut. _. Shit. Fuck. Fuck it all to hell._

“You do?” Louis asked, gaping at him. Alfie’s expression towards him was gentle as always, maybe too soft for the conversation that was coming.

“You’re sweating like a pig and you haven’t smiled genuinely since you walked in,” Alfie shrugged, leaning back in his seat. “So out with it.”

Louis breathed deep and closed his eyes for a moment, shame washing over him. “I don’t think I want to date anymore. You. I don’t want to date you.” He reopened his eyes and stole a glance towards Alfie, who was nodding his head in understanding, picking up his wine glass to finish his drink.

“Okay, fair. Thanks for being a decent guy and telling me in person.”

Ha! Decent guy. Louis didn’t feel decent. He felt like an asshole of epic proportions. “I am sorry it didn’t work out. You are so lovely and nice, it’s just- It’s me. I don’t see you that way.”

“I understand, Louis. It’s alright. You never gave me too much hope, so you’re off the hook,” Alfie said jokingly. He picked up his fork, ready to go back to his lunch, but Louis didn’t feel like this conversation was over. He also didn’t think he could finish his meal, his stomach a twisted mess of nerves and guilt.

“What do you mean?” he asked, watching Alfie taking a big bite of beef pie.

“You never let me kiss you. You always seemed deep in thought, a little sad even. I knew you weren't into it. I was hoping I could cheer you up and help you get out of your funk, but I guess I wasn’t the right person.”

“I’m sorry,” Louis said honestly. “I should have been better company.”

“It’s okay. Again, it’s no one’s fault. We just didn’t click. As I said, I wasn’t the right person to make you happy. That’s fine.”

Louis let the words calm him down, wash some of the guilt away. Alfie had been nothing but lovely from the start, and he kept being lovely until the very end. He didn’t seem hurt or bitter, and that was great, because Louis genuinely wanted him to be happy.

“Harry is,” Alfie added nonchalantly, and Louis almost choked on his spit.

“What?”

“I’m not stupid. Your friends? Blind. But I saw the way he looked at you, and then how he glared at me the whole night. And this wasn’t the first time, by the way. Also the whole song stunt he pulled? He is ridiculous.” Louis opened his mouth to protest, but Alfie cut him off fast. “In the best way possible. I mean it. It was- okay, I didn’t enjoy watching that, no way, but also that was so smart.”

“It’s one of my favourite songs.”

“Made you leave with him.”

“I’m sorry,” Louis blurted out his second apology almost pleading for forgiveness. “I know how rude that was.”

“It kind of was, yes,” Alfie agreed. “But I also didn’t really expect you to leave with me. I think your intentions were clear from early on. I mean I tried to kiss you after our second date and you turned your head and ran away. It was pretty obvious you weren’t into me.” He shook his head, like he was shaking off his thoughts. “Anyway, it was nice being around you and the other guys.”

“You can still be around us, Al. I meant it when I said you are a fun lad.”

Alfie smirked and raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure Harry would like that?”

“Well, Harry has to suck it up and grow up. Besides, I don’t think that will go anywhere any time soon.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No. I’m not heartless, Jesus.”

Alfie chuckled, unbothered, which lifted a huge weight off Louis’ shoulders. “Louis, it’s not like I’m heartbroken. We dated for less than a month, and our dates were more like friendly hangouts. The boys joined more than half of them. We’re cool, I promise.”

Louis smiled at him from across the table. He couldn’t believe how well this worked out. “You deserve something good.”

Alfie shrugged one shoulder. “I know.”

“And you’ll get it.”

“I know, Lou.”

They finished their lunch in a friendlier atmosphere, Louis feeling completely relaxed and open for the first time around Alfie. He avoided talking about Harry, out of respect towards Alfie and because he wasn’t ready to deal with that can of worms. It was better to stay sealed for the moment, until it was time to face Harry with the truth. If he could ever find the courage to take the risk. If Harry would ever open his eyes and see how far gone Louis was for him. If Harry ever realised that maybe, maybe his feelings weren’t as platonic as he thought. Louis couldn’t help himself but hope that there might be something there, after Harry’s declaration of jealousy.

He focused back on Alfie, feeling like he owed him his full attention for once. The lunch turned to an afternoon walk, which had Louis ending up finding a message in his phone when he rode the train back to his home.

 

**We need to talk.**

 

Louis didn’t ponder on what Harry wanted to talk about. Maybe they would put an end to things, or they would finally fix them. No matter what, Louis was calm and determined to make their friendship work. Lighter than he had felt for months, he got home and replied to the message, as soon as he was settled down on his couch, cup of tea in one hand and movie paused five minutes in.

 

**Let’s go out tomorrow night. Dinner?**

 

The reply came right away, like Harry had been waiting with his phone in hands. Maybe he had.

 

**Sounds lovely. See you tomorrow, Lou.**

**See you tomorrow, Haz.**

 

~*~

 

The restaurant was a little hole between two buildings a few streets away from Harry’s flat. It had opened a few months ago and it was so popular, it was almost impossible to book a table, thanks to the raving critics that kept on coming. Somehow Harry had managed to book one last minute. Louis guessed that money and his connections worked in his favour, and although Harry wasn’t a person who behaved like a rich brat, Louis appreciated the effort he was putting on this. That meant he was taking this seriously, even if Louis wouldn’t mind just going out for some onion rings and a pint.

This was probably the first time that Louis was early for one of his dates. It wasn’t really a romantic date, more like a meeting, but Louis felt just as nervous, if not more. As soon as he stepped in the restaurant, wearing a pair of his fancier skinny jeans, a simple white shirt, and a blazer, Oxfords instead of trainer, and hair styled meticulously by himself, he approached the hostess, a pretty woman, who was taller than him and looked as expensive as everything around him.

“Good evening, sir,” she said in a deep voice, “have you made a reservation?”

“Yes,” Louis replied, the stress of anticipation for what was coming making his palms and forehead sweat. “It’s under Styles. Harry.”

The hostess checked the tablet that was placed on top of the reception, tapping the screen a couple of times, before she looked back up at Louis and smiled. “Yes. Your table will be ready in thirty minutes. Do you want to wait at the bar and enjoy a drink? First one is on the house.”

“Sure, why not?”

“Great, follow me, sir,” the woman gestured. Louis did as she told him, following her towards the bar, where quite a number of people were sat, waiting for their tables to get ready so they could dine. The hostess led him to two open seats and waited until Louis climbed on one. “I’ll come inform you when your table is ready, sir. Enjoy your drink.” Louis thanked her, before she walked away gracefully, like she wasn’t wearing five-inch high heels.

He turned back around and waited for the bartender to notice him, thinking of which delicious and ridiculously high-priced cocktail he would order for himself, since it was on the house. He hadn’t even noticed how he kept fixing his blazer sleeves or his hair, until probably the tenth time, when the bartender finally approached him.

“Good evening,” he greeted politely, “what would you like to order?”

“I would like something fizzy,” Louis asked politely.

“How about something with champagne? Perhaps a French 75? It would be a nice aperitif,” the bartender suggested and Louis agreed, eager to get some alcohol in his body, relax his tense muscles, before Harry made it there.

Unfortunately, Harry seemed to be just as anxious for the evening, because he was early too, placing a hand on Louis’ shoulder and pecking his cheek, a few seconds later. Louis smiled at him, the emotion never quite reaching his eyes or coming from within, although he still felt like he was punched in the gut, when he stared at those green eyes. Louis worried that he would never get over the way he felt whenever Harry stood in front of him.

“Hey, Lou, you look amazing,”  Harry complimented him. Instead of separating, Harry went in for a long embrace, stroking Louis’ back gently for a moment, before he took a step back, barely putting any distance between them.

Louis took a minute to admire all of Harry’s glorious beauty, his long legs inside his suit trousers, the way his black shirt accentuated the broadness of his shoulders and the dip of his waist. He had decided to forego the blazer and he had probably left his jacket at the entrance, leaving his forearms and a sliver of skin of his chest exposed, tattoos on display. Louis wanted to either kiss him or bite him. Or both. “You don’t look bad yourself,” he said, as Harry took a seat on the empty stool. “You clean up nicely, when you want, Styles.”

“Oh, yes, poor little slob, me,” Harry teased him. His smirk that made his childish dimple show made Louis’ heart beat erratically. Fuck, if he kept feeling like that for Harry, he would probably need to get himself checked in a hospital. “Missed you,” Harry admitted, eyes darting away. It wasn’t a typical behaviour for Harry to feel shy or embarrassed, so the blushing and the shy eyes were something new for Louis, too. His behaviour made it somewhat easier for Louis to be there. It wasn’t just him, who was nervous about this life-changing moment. It made sense to feel this way, even if this was his best friend in front of him. Especially because it was him.

“We were together the other day.” Louis couldn’t admit how he was missing Harry every second they were apart, because it was absurd, maybe even a bit too corny.

“Still,” Harry murmured under his breath, Louis struggled to hear him. He had a suspicion it wasn’t for his ears. “Anyway, how did things go with Alfred?”

“Alfred?” Louis laughed.

The bartender chose that moment to bring Louis his drink, which tasted very nice, although it was a bit stronger than he expected it to be. Harry ordered a glass of red wine for himself, which the bartender brought right away. They sipped their drinks in comfortable silence, observing the people around them, until Harry reminded him of the reason they were there that moment. Or one of the reasons anyway.

“So? What happened yesterday?” Harry tried again.

Louis intended to tell him anyway, but it still was an awkward discussion to have. Although he and Alfie had parted on the best terms, he still felt guilty for what he had done. “He took it well; he wasn’t very surprised actually.”

“Oh,” Harry said, taking a sip of his wine. The wine was staining his lips a luscious shade of red. Louis had to focus. This wasn’t that kind of date. “That’s good.”

“He said that he expected that since our second date, when I refused to kiss him. I wasn’t really subtle with my indifference for anything other than friendship, I guess.”

Harry made an effort to hide his satisfied smile; Louis could appreciate that, but he still saw his dimples cutting his cheeks behind his large hand covering his mouth. “That’s- I am glad he wasn’t rude.”

“Not at all. We decided to keep seeing each other as friends actually.”

“That’s good, Lou.”

“Really?” Louis had expected a negative reaction, a protest at least, but Harry seemed to mean his words. “I thought you hated him.”

“I hated the idea of you two together, not him. He- ugh,” he groaned softly, “he seems like a good person. Probably is. Better than me, that’s for sure.”

“Haz, no,” Louis placed his hand over the one that Harry had rested on the counter, the physical contact settling something inside him, taking some of the nerves away. “You are a good person, you -actually we, both of us- made some mistakes, hurt each other and other people in the process. But don’t ever say that you’re not a good person; you are probably the best person I know.”

Harry’s smile turned small and private. “You have no idea how much this means to me, because, Lou, I was so worried I destroyed everything, that you hate me now.”

“I could never hate you. No matter what happens, you will always hold a special place in my heart. Even if we decide it’s better to stop talking, I’ll still love you.”

Harry shook his head, as if the mere thought of losing contact with Louis was hurting him. “No, Lou, don’t even say that. I know I disappeared for a while, but I was always planning to find a way to talk to you and fix things. I guess I needed time to collect my thoughts.” He paused and took a big breath to gather his courage to continue. “I know it was shitty of me. Fuck. But can you forgive me?”

Louis wanted to tell him that there was nothing to forgive really; he understood Harry’s need for distance. It was a lot to take in, because Louis was suspecting that maybe, hopefully, Harry had some mixed feelings for Louis, more than friendly. For Louis it was easy to admit to himself he was in love with Harry. It came with all the soft moments they had been sharing since the moment they met and became inseparable. It just took some physical contact to realise it. If Harry needed to almost miss his chance with Louis to realise that what they had been doing all this time was nowhere near normal for friends -not even for friends with benefits- then so be it. Louis would give him all the space he needed. As long as they could finally reach a solution, decide together what they wanted out of this.

However, Louis didn’t reveal any of those thoughts to him. He reached for Harry’s hand and fit his palm inside Harry’s, prompting him to take his hand. “We’re okay. We’ll be fine. We just have to grow up and deal with it.”

Harry nodded and opened his mouth to talk, the frown between his eyebrows making it seem like he was about to say something serious, when the hostess interrupted them with an apologetic smile. “Your table is ready, sirs,” she said softly. “You can follow me, if you want.”

Harry and Louis got up, taking their drinks with them, and followed the woman to a secluded table, close to the fireplace. Louis wondered if it was a coincidence or if Harry had pulled some strings to get them something more private so that, if their discussion didn’t go well, they wouldn’t feel awkward around people. Louis shouldn’t be preparing himself for the worst possible scenario, but he was too scared to allow his hopes to cloud his head.

They took their seats and the hostess promised to send a waiter right away. Louis got comfortable, before he picked up the menu that was already on the table, feeling the expensive leather exterior, and opening it to examine the plates offered. All of them sounded way too fancy, but Louis was nothing but daring with his choices so he chose to have griddled lamb chops with asparagus, basil pesto, and feta. Harry chose something simpler, preferring a duck, pea, and goat's cheese risotto. They both agreed on red wine, which would be perfect for both of their choices and they would decide later if they wanted to have dessert.

After ordering everything, Harry relaxed in his seat, resting his hands on his lap and playing with the napkin he had put there. Louis didn’t know if it was time to open up the discussion again. He wanted to get it over with, know where this was going, but also he wanted to enjoy his meal, have a nice night out with his friend. He tried not to let anxiety and nerves take over and he settled for some small talk about work.

The night turned out to be a lovely meeting between two friends. They chatted happily, ate their meals, which by the way was one of the best things that Louis had ever tasted, and drank a bit too much wine, but no one could blame them for that. It was simply too delicious and accompanied their dinner so well, they couldn’t pass the opportunity for a second bottle. Louis knew that wine hangover was sneaky and he would regret it in the morning, but ignored the little voice of reason inside his head in favour of having a fun night.

Avoiding the talk about the real reason behind their meeting, Louis and Harry found themselves inside Harry’s car and on their way to Louis’ place without having solved their situation. They weren’t even close to figuring out what their situation was. They hadn’t agreed whether their night would end at Louis’ doorstep or not, but truth was they were running out of time and they still hadn’t discussed anything of essence. Louis wondered if maybe it was for the best to let things go. Pretend that nothing happened, and go back to being friends. But how could Louis do that really, when his heart sunk inside his chest whenever he would take a glimpse of Harry steering the wheel with his strong hands, eyebrows furrowed in concentration, his expression softening whenever he caught Louis staring at him.

Harry parked the car in front of Louis’ building, then seemed uncertain what to do next.  Louis looked over at Harry only to see his gaze focused on his grip on the steering wheel.

Harry took a deep encouraging breath. “Look, Louis, I know we both have pictured this night a little differently, but truth is, it was nice catching up with you without stressing about everything else.”

Louis nodded his agreement, not really knowing what to say next. “It was nice. I had missed you.” It shouldn't be so complicated. One moment they would be best friends, acting like nothing had happened between them, and the next Louis didn't know how to speak to him. It sucked  being so confused all the time. “Look, Harry, maybe we should leave this for another day.”

“I think this conversation is long overdue,” Harry insisted. “I know what I want to say. I know what I want. Thing is I don't really know how to say it. I'm fucking scared, Lou.”

“Of what?”

“Of things changing between us and ruining what we have, our friendship.”

Louis rested his head back, the leather of the passenger’s seat too familiar to him, the scent of tobacco a reminder of how many hours he had spent driven around by Harry, just because Harry offered to take him places, in order to avoid the tube. It was one small gesture, nothing important, but it weighed heavy in Louis’ chest. He understood why Harry was scared, he would be a liar, if he said he wasn’t scared as well. But this fear couldn’t dictate their decisions anymore. Louis was tired of holding back.

“Things have already changed, Haz. We’re not what we used to be and I don’t see us going back to it without clearing things up.”

Harry nodded. “I know. Just, please- just promise me we won’t lose each other.”

Louis put his hand on Harry’s knee, hoping that the warm weight would be reassuring. “I promise I’ll do everything I can to keep you in my life.”

“As what?”

Louis shrugged. Could he dare to say what he wanted? This was the moment. His heart was pounding inside his chest, making his throat throb and it was borderline painful being next to Harry, about to confess his deepest feelings for his best friend. “I-” Louis tried to say it, but he was terrified of the finality of the moment.

“Louis, I fucking love you, okay? As more than a friend,” Harry said when he realised that Louis wouldn’t talk. Or so he thought, maybe, because Louis wanted to talk. But now his words were stolen, being spoken by Harry in a way that Louis never expected to hear them. “I think- I believe I might be in love with you.”

Louis tried to get those words inside his head. It was everything he had been dreaming of. It was more than he ever expected. And he had no answer. He just stared at Harry, mouth gaping and not knowing if this was real life or fantasy.

“Now would be a good time to say something,” Harry said with a shaky voice, looking terrified. “Please, if it’s too much, we can forget I said it. I know you probably wanted to take it slow, but it’s been awhile I’ve been feeling like this and-”

“Shut up,” Louis whispered, cutting Harry off. Harry looked at him offended. He opened his mouth to probably tell Louis off, obviously being in love didn’t change the way Harry would always talk back to Louis, but Louis raised his hand to stop him. “Shut up,” Louis repeated.

Harry did as he was told, but it was obvious that he was expecting Louis to give an answer, say something. Louis had so many things he wanted to say, but his mind was empty of any words that could express what he was really feeling. The only thing he could think was his desire to wrap Harry in his arms and never let him go. And so he did. He reached tentatively for Harry, placing his hand on his shoulder and pulling the other man closer, until Harry rested his head on Louis’ shoulder.

“Is this a good thing?” Harry asked tentatively, letting Louis envelop him with his arm. “Please, Lou.” Harry’s hot breath on Louis’ neck sent shivers down his body. “Talk to me,” Harry sounded small and unsure of himself.

Louis dug his fingers in Harry’s back, hoping that Harry could feel his grasp, he could feel Louis ache for him, even when they were glued against each other. “If you knew…” Louis said after a long moment.

“Knew what?” Harry asked sounding worried.

“If you knew that I was so afraid to fuck up our friendship since the first night we slept together. I don’t know if I fell in love the moment you kissed me or the moment you sat next to me during our first uni lecture. All I know is that I feel the same, Haz, I have been feeling it and keeping it to myself for quite some time.” Louis paused to measure Harry’s expression, but it was unreadable. “Why do you think I fucked up every single date I’ve been to? Why do you think I run to you after every call?”

Harry shook his head in disbelief. “You fucking arsehole,” he said with a soft smile, pushing Louis gently away and then pulling him in again, resting his forehead on his and staring in his eyes. Louis felt his body and face warm. “I can’t believe you almost gave me a heart attack.” He bumped his nose against Louis’ reaching for a kiss but their lips didn’t quite touch. Not yet.

“You deserve it,” Louis replied, his breath heavy. The anticipation of the moment, of _the kiss_ , the one he had been craving forever was making Louis weak. Sweaty palms and heartbeat fast he closed the distance for a quick peck, a touch just enough to feed his hunger for more. “You deserve to suffer for not opening your gob to say you’re in love with me.” Louis couldn’t even believe he was saying this.

Harry was in love with him and it wasn’t some bizarre dream, it was real life.

“Ditto,” Harry said stealing a similar peck to Louis’. And a second one. And a third.

“Do it, you twat,” Louis said exasperated. He was never a man of patience, even if he waited a long time for this moment. “Kiss me.”

Harry kissed him. He kissed him in the same way they’ve kissed before, passionate yet soft, tongues entwined and aching for more, but the kiss stood with its own meaning. Either proof that what they said to each other was true or a promise for the future or both, it didn’t matter. What mattered was the way Harry’s right hand rested on Louis’ face, stroking his cheek with reverence, as he thrived to taste more of Louis, like this kiss would reveal new secrets they were holding back from each other. It was Louis’ heavy breath and feeling like he was suffocating, but breathing better at the same time. It was the familiarity between them, but also the thrill of starting something new. It was everything.

“I want to be with you, Lou. As more than friends,” Harry confessed, when they pulled apart to catch their breaths. “I don’t mind taking it slow, I can wait, but I can’t stand the idea of you moving on with your life, because I was a coward and I didn’t tell you how I really feel.”

Louis shook his head and stole a few more quick kisses, pressing some on Harry’s cheeks and jaw. “I just want you. Period. I don’t care fast or slow, I don’t care if we make it official or not. I just want to be with you, Haz. Wake up next to you, text you silly jokes but end our conversations with love-you’s, cuddle you whenever you feel sad.”

“You can have that, baby. That and more. Anything you want.”

They shared another kiss, not ready to say goodnight yet. Louis stared at Harry for a moment, unable to believe this was happening. A small voice inside him kept telling him this was a dream, that he would wake up the next morning and none of this would be real. He needed to have Harry there, as a reminder that his life has changed and it now included Harry in all the ways, as a friend and as a lover.

“Do you have to go?” Louis asked knowing he wasn’t subtle at all about what he wanted. Harry shook his head, smiling widely. Louis teased his dimple with his thumb, while reaching to suck Harry’s bottom lip between his. “Or do you want to come up?”

“Of course, baby. I’m all yours.”


	7. Epilogue

The boom of the bass made Louis’ heart beat to the rhythm of the song blasting from the large speakers hanging  above the DJ set. The whole club was jumping up and down, drinks being spilt here and there, but honestly Louis was pretty sure there wasn’t a single gay man who would care about a drink more than dancing to Greedy, himself included. He held his glass -rum and coke half drunk already- up in the air to avoid having anyone spilling it and he sang the lyrics at the top of his lungs, as he swayed his hips.

From time to time there had been some hands that had touched him, bodies that danced with him, but Louis didn’t bother with any of them. He enjoyed the heat, his eyes staying focused on the tall man dancing a few meters away. He should be feeling jealous seeing his boyfriend enjoying the company of another man, who had his arms around his waist, swaying their hips to the rhythm, but Louis knew very well, he was the one who would take Harry home in the early morning.

So he let go, he danced and drank and laughed and enjoyed equally the company of strangers  and of his friends, sending winks towards Harry, who seemed to be having as much fun. It was four in the morning when he, Harry, Liam, and Niall found themselves stumbling down the street, all of them too tipsy to walk straight. Harry had his arm around Louis’ shoulders, trying to keep himself upright, as if Louis was in a better condition. Louis let him, never able to resist  the feeling of holding and being held by Harry.  

“I’m fucked,” Niall yelled, unaware that people in the buildings around them were probably asleep and he was interrupting their peaceful night. “Shouldn’t have accepted those shots from Alfie.”

“Alfie is the man,” Harry slurred and Louis snickered, because that was a sentence he never really expected to hear from Harry.

Oh, well, he hadn’t expected for Harry and Alfie to become friends in the first place, but apparently their personalities clicked and now they were spending time together all the time, even when the other boys weren’t around. Maybe the fact that Alfie was now dating Jesy helped Harry get over his irrational jealousy.

Louis wrapped an arm around Harry’s waist, guiding him down the street, since he was slightly more sober than the rest, definitely more sober than Niall, who was murmuring a song under his breath. Harry turned his head and dived for a quick peck, but it quickly  turned into a heated kiss as they both stopped and turned their bodies toward each other, forgetting their friends and the rest of the world, aware of only each other and the vague buzzing inside their ears from the loud bass of the club’s speakers.

Well, not for long, since Niall whistled and Liam groaned, like every other time they had caught them making out, or doing some other things in Liam’s case. Harry pulled away for a moment to tell them to shut up and then kissed a giggling Louis again. Louis pushed him gently, and took him by his hand to lead the way, Harry following his steps after initially resisting.

“Do you have to constantly get it on?” Liam asked, trying  to sound serious, but Louis knew he was teasing them.

When Liam found out he had literally screamed for two minutes straight. Both he and Niall found out at the same time. Harry and Louis had kept their relationship a secret for a month, wanting to make sure it would work out. A month full of secret dates, sleeping at each other’s place, whispering I-love-you’s every time they had the chance. A month that proved to Louis that he was in love with Harry Styles and no matter how hard he could have tried, he would never get over the feeling of feeling complete next to him.

They found out the truth during their one-day trip to Windsor. They had decided to visit the Windsor Castle and visit the Savill Gardens, if the weather was nice, and it was. They had spent the day walking around and exploring the places they wanted to visit, nothing seeming off, and Louis and Harry doing their best to keep their relationship a secret, avoiding touching each other in a way that would betray the shift between them. They had done such a good job, neither Liam or Niall had suspected one thing the whole day.

It was when they went to grab a pint, before they left to go back to London. Harry had stupidly leaned down and kissed Louis right on the lips, when he got up to go to the bathroom, leaving their friends staring at them completely stunned. Harry realised a moment too late what he had done, pulling away and turning awkwardly to check their friends’ shocked faces.  

“Oops?” he breathed out and Louis covered his blushing face with a hand, not knowing whether to hide or laugh and kiss Harry’s dorky face.

“I knew it,” Niall yelled getting the attention of the group sitting at the next booth.

Liam furrowed his brows and stared between Louis and Harry confused. “Wait, what?”

“When did it happen, you fuckers?” Niall asked, smiling widely.

“I need to go to the toilet,” Harry said and made a move to leave, but Louis grabbed him by the arm and pulled him to sit back down.

“Oh, no, Styles. You won’t leave me alone to deal with your mess.”

“What mess? What’s going on?” Liam looked so taken aback, Louis was certain if they had told him it was a joke, he would believe them right away, he didn’t seem ready to even consider the idea of them together.

“Did it happen after Louis broke up with Alfie?” Niall asked, ignoring Liam’s lost expression. “Harry was such a miserable twat the whole time, I knew that something was going on.”

“Niall!” Harry cut him off. “How about using that little voice inside your head to tell you when you’ve said enough?”

“Oi, shut up, tell me everything!” he turned to Louis, who could barely contain his fondness towards the boy sitting next to him. “Did he come to your doorstep to drunkenly declare his love for you? How did it happen?”

“What happened? What do you mean?” Liam slapped Niall’s bicep to get his attention, since he wasn’t getting his answers from Harry or Louis. “Who was miserable? Who declared his love?”

“It didn’t happen quite like that,” Louis sighed,  giving up all  pretences. There was no way out of this; they both knew it. “It was kind of complicated, but it’s all good.”

“What’s good?” Liam had his lost puppy expression, and Louis would feel bad for him, if it wasn’t so funny.

“Oh, please. I need to know details.”

“Niall,” Harry deadpanned, “we’ve been fucking for almost a year.”

“What?” Liam screeched.

“Shut up!” Louis shot at Liam and then turned to glare at Harry, although he wasn’t really mad. He was too happy to be mad.

Liam didn’t seem to be able to control his reaction, though. He kept yelling “what” and “how” and “I can’t believe this” over and over again, until Louis reached up and placed his hand over his mouth to make him stop. It took him a moment, until Liam relaxed and Louis felt like he could let him go.

“I can’t believe none of you realised earlier,” Harry snickered, “we were so obvious.”

“Speak about Liam, I knew,” Niall said. “I mean I suspected something was happening, when you kept coming to my place to be a whining tit,” he turned to Harry. “You were insufferable, all Louis this, Louis that. You should have seen him, Lou.”

Louis chuckled and leaned to rub Harry’s knee under the table. “It’s okay, love, I was a miserable twat, too.”

“Okay, but what does that mean?” Liam asked, seemingly still confused. “Are you guys dating now or something?”

They both looked at him, none of them rushing to give the obvious answer. “Guess,” Louis told him with a smirk.

“How am I supposed to know? I have no idea what’s happening!”

“We’re boyfriends, Li,” Harry told him, reached out to pat Liam’s hand that was placed on the table.

Niall raised his pint glass. “Fuck, yes, finally.”

“Thank you,” both Harry and Louis said simultaneously.

“Oh wow,” Liam murmured to himself, before he shot his head up again to stare at his best friends. “I am really happy for you. Shocked, I won’t lie, but really, really happy. I don’t think there’s a better pair than you.”

They had ended the night discussing some details, Louis feeling lighter than ever now that the secret was out and he could finally touch and peck Harry, whenever he felt like it. The evening had ended with Liam and Niall fighting during the train ride back to London about who would be the best man. There was no point stopping them, so Louis had wrapped his arms around Harry, letting his boyfriend - boyfriend, he couldn’t believe he could call him that - rest his head on Louis’ shoulder, watching their friends having an unnecessary argument.

“I can’t walk anymore!” Harry complained, bringing Louis back to reality, which was that he had a boyfriend to get home, one who was much drunker than Louis had estimated. “My feet hurt.”

“Come on, babe, just a bit longer and we’re there,” Louis encouraged him, tugging his hand to make him start walking again, since he had stopped.

“But I am tired,” Harry whined.

Louis shook his head and took a step to eliminate the distance between them. Liam and Niall had stopped walking and  were discussing the possibility of getting a greasy kebab before they made their way home. Louis reached and pecked Harry’s lips softly for a moment, Harry chasing his lips for more after he leaned back.

“Do you want to get a taxi, love?” he asked Harry, who nodded, pouting like a child. Louis couldn’t hold back his smile, Harry was the most ridiculous man sometimes. He turned around and walked towards Niall and Liam, who were waiting for them, tugging an unwilling Harry with him. “We’re getting a cab, lads. Haz is a lot drunker than I thought.”

“Hey! ‘M not drunk,” Harry protested.

“Are you going to join us?” Louis asked Liam and Niall, ignoring Harry, who draped an arm around his shoulders and pulled him against his chest.

“We were talking about getting some food first. We were about to ask you if you want to come with us, but I guess not,” Niall smirked, wiggling his eyebrows like a creep.

“Niall, Jesus, the boy can barely walk, do you think he can get it up?” Louis teased and that earned him a soft slap on the back of his head and an offended “hey”.

“Better get him home,” Liam said eyeing Harry warily. “Is dinner tomorrow still on?”

“Dinner,” Louis huffed. “Liam, you’re coming over for pizza and video games, stop calling it dinner. And yes, it’s still on. I don’t think he’ll be hungover until then.”

“Alright then, off you go,” Niall shooed them, giving a hug to Louis, but not attempting to touch Harry, who was glued on Louis.

“Goodnight, lads,” Louis said, taking Harry by the hand and leading him down a busier street where they would hopefully find a taxi.

“Goodnight, Tommo! Goodnight, Harry!” Liam said.

“Goodnight!” Harry yelled. “I love you!”

“Shut up,” Louis laughed softly.

It took them some time to find a taxi, meanwhile Harry had been trying to hug and kiss Louis, making his task hailing a taxi even more difficult.  When, ten minutes later, they finally managed to get a taxi to stop, Louis had to push Harry in the backseat, climbing over him to sit as well, since Harry refused to move. He told the driver, who eyed them warily, eyes pausing on Harry, the address and he relaxed back, turning to check on Harry.

“Where are we going now, Lou?” Harry asked, as Louis pushed his hair away from his forehead.

“Back to our place, love. We’ll take a shower, eat something and then go straight to bed.”

“Oh, alright.” Harry rested his head on Louis shoulder, closing his eyes for a moment. “We’re teaming up for video games tomorrow, right?”

“Of course, Haz,” Louis reassured him, kissing the top of his head.

“Yay! Go Dream Team!”

They arrived to their shared flat sometime later, taking a much needed shower together and eating sandwiches with leftover roasted chicken and cheese, before they ended up falling asleep on the couch wrapped around each other. It was perfect in so many ways.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Kudos and comments are appreciated.  
> I hope you enjoyed it.  
> Ri. <3 xx


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